Weird thing that happened tonight with my BF has really put me off. I have been with my bf for about 3 months, we were acquainted growing up but reconnected recently. At first everything was really great in that we had wonderful conversations and he was very kind and thoughtful.
He has a complicated life, he has a daughter who the mom just moved several hours away with because they didn’t have joint custody or a custody agreement. And he doesn’t have a career and can’t afford to get a lawyer to try and get custody he also is at his dads because he can’t afford a place of his own rn. He is trying to find a career tho. Also I’ve noticed he has very low self esteem and confidence and a lot of untreated anxiety. I have been through similar struggles with mental health so I understand it’s not easy but I went to therapy for several years and am in a much better place.
I have been somewhat on the fence about how well this relationship will go because I am also starting back in school in June and will be applying to grad school end of year and I know I will be extremely busy. Also I realize he has a lot to figure out too in terms of his career, his mental health, and his daughter. But he is trying.
The weird thing that happened tonight was that he come over after work and we had dinner and were watching a movie, I had been studying all day and was so tired and I told him this. While he were lying there I was dozing off and he started to kiss my neck, I didn’t respond because again I was just exhausted and starting to fall asleep, he asked me if he should stop and I told him yeah just because I was pretty tired (and not in the mood for sex) he stopped and I fell asleep for like 20 min. I woke up and went to the bathroom and when I came back out he was packing up his stuff and I was confused and asked him if he was leaving which he replied to that yes because it seemed I was tired and he wasn’t ready to go to sleep yet. I walked him to the door and he didn’t even put on his shoes and was basically out the door. I went to give him a kiss and he pulled away and asked if I was okay and I was like yeah I’m fine are you okay? And he said he was fine and he was just leaving because he has work in the morning. I was so confused.
He texted me like 10 min later apologizing and saying he really just wanted to spend time by himself because he was stressed I said it was fine but that it was weird to me how he left. Then he said that he wanted to come back as soon as he left and regrets how he handled things. I’m glad he apologized but I’m still so weirded out by what happened. I also have noticed that things feel off like we’re just not on the same level and idk if this is too complicated and is continuing to get more complicated. And our sex life is really not going well and I haven’t felt much physical attraction to him the last month or so. I need to focus and prioritize my schooling but I do like him as a person. I guess I just want to know if anyone wants to give their 2 cents on whether this is a situation that is too complicated and if it would be better for us to end things now? And if the whole situation tonight was really strange or if I’m overreacting?
TL;DR: boyfriend left after I fell asleep because I was tired, he seemed like he was in a hurry to get out of my house, he apologized a little bit later but the situation was uncomfortable and weird. Also I am reconsidering the relationship because he has a lot on his plate rn and so do I, and I’m having a hard time picturing a good future with him the longer we are together. Should I end the relationship?
4 comments
Seems like throughout this post you answered your own question.
It’s definitely going nowhere – which is ok. Neither of you need to be hurt & you don’t need a big messy break up. Sometimes things just don’t work. Never put yourself in a position to be someone’s caretaker / or be with them to try to fix them. He’s got a lot going on and should figure it out in his own.
If you had been together for years and had both invested a lot into the relationship then I might have a different suggestion. But it sounds like you just don’t click!
Best of luck in school!!
You turned him down for sex an he shot out the door barefoot headed home….😬 Weird af!
I would end it now while it’s in the lull, it is too complicated with his life being a dumpster fire and your about to be wayyyyyy to busy with school for him.
Also if the sex sucks so early in the relationship run, it rarely gets better plus you say you’re not that attracted to him ….. There’s NO reason to stay. Save yourself the headache and end it now.
Oh dear, I think he got in his own head. You ‘turned down’ sex [I mean, he shouldn’t have made the move to begin with given you were clearly dosing off, kind of yuck putting it on you like that] and I think he had a bit of a panic attack about it. That is why he walked out with such weird energy and then was so wishy washy about it after.
And yeah. A sign of things to come no doubt. The dude is clearly a bit of a trainwreck and there are so many things about his life that he has to deal with before he can hope to have a healthy adult relationship. Him having a panic attack because you chose sleep over sex just shows that.
I think the fact you know this only gets worse is a sign you ought to consider ending it now before what seems inevitable meltdowns and spiralling. You don’t have time for that and he doesn’t have the emotional capacity for it.
You’ve been dating for only 3 months and you’ve not been attracted to him for 1 month of that. It’s ok to say you’re not feeling it and it’s not working.