The only parties I ever been to is family gatherings.
I didn’t go to college (biggest regret of my life) so no college parties.
I never been to a bar or club either.
I feel my youth slipping away by not experiencing these adulthood things and I would I like to before I get too old, but I have absolutely no idea what happens at these things.
I don’t have friends to go with so be completely on my own.
I don’t know what to wear.
I don’t know how to socialize with other adults who have been going to bars for years.
I don’t know how to act, how to to talk, or how to dance at these places.
I would like to start going to clubs and bars so when New Year’s Eve comes around I won’t be alone like I have been for the past 5 years.
But I really would to understand the social dynamics of these places.
Also I would like to add that I’m not attractive, never been in a relationship, and have social anxiety.
But I am willing to try to get out my comfort zone and start doing “adult” stuff.
3 comments
Alright so there’s quite a bit to unpack here so lemme try and take the advice one element at a time. I struggled with social anxiety all throughout my schooling. But I did open up a bit in my senior year of hs. I started going to parties and hanging out with people outside of school. I also was in a fraternity in college so I have some expirience with that too.
First, I’d strongly recommend going to the bar/club with someone. I know you said you’re planing on going to meet people. The thing is you can go to a bar alone. But going to a club alone sometimes looks creepy. Especially if you have social anxiety. Because nobody else know what’s going on in your head but from the outside it might look funny. So if at all possible try to go with a friend. If that means you have to meet someone elsewhere then I’d still say this is the way to go.
The reason I recommend this is because you’ll be able to cut out a lot of the awkwardness by having a friend there. It’ll also be easier to approach people with a friend.
If you absolutely have to go alone I’d say go to a bar where they have games like billiards. That way you can grab a beer head over to the pool table and ask if anyone wants to play. Maybe you find a friend that way. Which would be much easier then just randomly talking to people on the dance floor.
As for what to wear that depends on you. Actually I don’t even know if you’re a man or woman. For a guy it depends. Some clubs won’t let you in with jeans. Some won’t let you in with a sweater. Most won’t let you in with a hat. So I’d say no hat, a polo or casual long sleeve button down shirt, and jeans unless the place doesn’t allow them. If that’s the case, swap the jeans for some Chinos or black slacks. Then just wear some black shoes.
As far as dancing goes watch Hitch with will Smith. Specifically the scene where he teaches Kevin James to dance. You just want to 2 step with your feet. Look up a video to make it easy but it’s basically just stepping to the right side with your right foot then bringing your left foot in with the right. Get it? It’s 2 steps. Repeat this going left and right. As you get comfortable you can step forward or backward depending on how you feel. As for your arms. Bend at your elbows around 45 degrees. With your elbows pointing to the floor and your hands pointing to the ceiling. Then basically just rock your hands side to side. But throw in a little shoulder with it. Meaning as your rock your hands left and right move your shoulders. Just wiggle them back and forth. Now bring that all together. Don’t over think it. Put on a song with a nice beat and practice. It doesn’t take much. I have 0 rythym but always look decent on the dance floor by doing this.
I can add more. If you have any other questions I’m here for you. But that’s enough for now. Also don’t overthink things. At the end of the day you’re doing this to have fun. Remember that
Just wear clothes that look good. Black and fabrics that go well with black tend to work well. You can’t wear clothes that you don’t have!
Parties are actually incredibly boring at first, and you have to make your own fun with them, although everybody else is engaged in the same endeavor. It’s a lot like social skills gym–afterwards you enjoyed yourself but it’s also kinda work.
I haven’t gone that much to clubs or bars. Clubs are so loud! Just go to dance if you want to. But I don’t understand how people socialize when it’s too loud to hear what people are saying.
A bar can be nice. Cocktails, yum. Focus on the cocktails, hang out. You can bring a small book (if it’s a conversation starter, all the better), and chat with whoever is available. Alcohol is not ultimately good for you so be sure it’s really enjoyable and keep it to a sensible minimum. A nice experience but not the easiest way to meet people.
I always tell people to really connect with people, join a community–but that’s not what you’re asking about here so I’ll keep my soapbox in the bag.
What I wear to go clubbing is well fitting clean jeans, cute shirt and shoes (I like wearing heeled boots). When it’s warmer, a dress/skirt and top that I feel comfortable in. Whatever I wear, I’m okay with getting alcohol spilled on it.
What I take: cover money (money you give to the person at the door, this is usually for clubs as opposed to bars), debit card for drinks, my phone, ID (like liscense) and keys.
I let someone (housemate, friend, family member) know where I’m going, I message them maybe twice while I’m there, when I leave and when I get home safely.
I mainly go by myself. I’d stay sober, maybe a single alcoholic drink, and find some music to dance to. I’d go back to the same club every weekend and made friends with the same girls. By the end of the first month, I knew the half the staff by name, and knew about three people per level (3 leveled club). Club bathrooms are the best places to make friends. Compliment their outfits (dresses, hair, makeup, jewellery etc) and once that convo is going, mention that you’re not here with anyone but “you seem fun, can I tag along with you for a bit?” Almost every drunk girl will say yaaasssss and introduce you as their new bestie.
Like that other commenter mentioned, places that have games are a good idea. Having a google/social media search to see local clubs/pubs and what events they have is a good start. Smile, be friendly, wear something cute and if you’re nervous about the conversation, compliment, ask questions and follow their lead.