We’re both recent graduates in our mid 20s, we’ve been seeing eachother on and off for 5 or more years and been in a committed relationship for 3. We’ve always had up and down moments, but I’m (M) afriad the general atmosphere of our relationship recently will end us.
I feel like it’s been a difficult few years generally, post graduate life is often a big adjustment, plus there are some pretty major world and personal events going on rn for us both to work through/deal with. There are constant pressures on our time, our finances and also emotional needs, I’ve been dealing with bouts of depression recently and she experiences a lot of anxiety over life stuff. I want us to be able to be a rock and support to one another through stressful times, but despite feeling like I’m stepping up to that, by taking on more of the household tasks as she’s started a new demanding job, whilst also starting therapy to work on my emotional issues etc it feeling like it’s never enough that I’m working to be a better support for her and on myself as an individual. The last few months we keep having petty arguments, which shes says come down to me not caring & she never seems to be prepared to try and find some kind of middle ground.
Ultimately I feel like there are two of us involved, were both already stretched kind of thin and have our own dynics going on so I think we can both be guilty of acting out on occasion or dealing with disagreements or emotions improperly, so a lot of self reflection, understanding and empathy is needed to work through this stuff, but if I ever try to defend myself she accuses me of blaming all our problems on her.
It’s all so upsetting and so emotionally strenuous and it’s pains me and scares me that it all might just fall apart.
Has anyone else been through a stretch like this before? Or have any advice as to how we might be able to hear and fulfill eachothers needs In a more effective way? Obviously having these conversations before they are contentious disagreements helps, but they haven’t stopped the arguments happening in recent weeks.