For context, I am a 25F. We have been together for 2 years and have lived together for 1.5.
My boyfriend has worked hard over the last couple of years to get his doctorate in music and is now working on his masters. He is very talented and I am in ways so happy and proud of him getting the opportunity to play with 2 professional female vocalists who are pretty established with a manager and everything.
He has been low on funds lately so this will really give him a well earned boost. Plus, his previous band recently fell apart so this is awesome for him to have a band again.
After telling me this I was very supportive. He looked deeply at me as if trying to upset me. He also asked me a day later if I am upset about them being cool chicks and everything. I said “no, I am happy for you, why is that?” And he’s been acting odd about it. Sure, they could be seen as a threat but don’t need to be. And I find him questioning me about it makes me worry more.
What is normal behaviour around something like this? This is my first relationship and I wonder sometimes if I interpret things the wrong way or if he actually means to deep down hurt me.
I am forever polarised by this relationship because on one hand he is loving and fun and prioritises me, on the other he puts me down and blames me for things.
I am starting to wonder if the relationship needs to be dropped but I do love him and I feel he is committed to me, we have holiday plans and I am in with his family etc. but it’s starting to mess with my head some of these things.
TLDR; feels like boyfriend is rubbing in the fact he is going to be in a band with 2 famous female vocalists. Not sure if I am misreading things or he is trying to get to me. Not sure what to do or believe.
4 comments
> am forever polarised by this relationship because on one hand he is loving and fun and prioritises me, on the other he puts me down and blames me for things.
That right there is enough to be wary of this relationship. He should *not* be putting you down. You’re right, if he’d just told you he was going to be a guitarist in a band and didn’t make a big deal out of it, it wouldn’t be a big deal. But the fact that he’s already showing emotionally abusive tendencies makes it suspicious.
He’s upset that you’re not upset? That’s a “him” problem, not a “you”. You trust him and he doesn’t like that? Super weird and I would not be with someone like that. Especially with putting you down? Nope!
A 3-person band, no one else? (2nd guitar, drummer, whatever)
I saw the title and was like: oh that’s kinda cool but yeah his reaction is hella weird