I never really got this because if ur good friends with someone shouldn’t you be owed some of their time/affection/attention? Else why would u be friends if it’s going to be one sided? And ppl always put boyfriends or family as top priority but friends are just as important and for a lot of ppl, friends ARE their families.
I feel this way with my close friends that they don’t give me the necessary attention/affection/time I need which I have reiterated to them saying I need a bit more engagement (ie; more initiating on their part) however they can be really lacklustre and low effort. So I’m trying to find friends that are more likeminded. However so many of the advice I find online are simply “ppl don’t owe u anything esp if they’re not family or partner” ?? I find that cruel. Friends are integral and if u give them the respect and affection back ofc u should be entitled to that as well.
Maybe it’s bc I don’t have a boyfriend (and would never drop my friends for him bc I know a lot of girls do) or have a strong family bond with anyone apart from my mom. I cherish my friends deeply. I just wish they’d cherish me the same way without me being judged or deemed too sensitive or emotional.
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Well, you’re not owed or entitled anything from anyone. That is kind of the point. That doesn’t mean you should be neglected or treated unfairly, but they don’t *owe* you anything.
Being owed or entitled to something means that you should get it. Someone being entitled to say, your money means you *have* to give it. Relationships aren’t about forcing, though. Relationships are about consent. If someone gave me attention because they feel like they owe it to me would make me feel uncomfortable. I rather have someone give me attention because they want to.
If relationships, whether they are platonic or romantic, all depend on owing and entitled to, then no thank you. That is not something I want to participate in. They should be about freely and lovingly giving affection and time. Otherwise it becomes a chore.
Learn to live alone and stop looking for other people’s affection and attention all the time. Life is cruel and we have to face the hardships alone. Yes nobody owes you anything and vice versa.
The problem here is you feel closer to them than they do to you. So you need to either develop stronger friendships, or find different friends.
A lot of people reserve that type of closeness for their romantic partners.
Also, you’re living in a time when the social fabric is fraying dramatically, when everybody’s social skills are diminishing every decade.
Probably helpful to seek out some therapy.
No, nothing is owed, healthy relationships are not transactional and do not involve debt in that way. In a healthy relationship both people give to one another freely and joyfully, not because of duty.
A healthy relationship will also have reciprocity and balance, generally, but this not the same as being owed something. There is no court of relationship where one could sure for what is owed. If someone isn’t meeting your needs and you’ve communicated this–if you felt like communicating it, there is no particular need to do this step–then it is best to move on.