Throw away account….
Me (33F) and my husband (35M) have a boring fucking marriage. There’s absolutely no and I mean **NO** intimacy, we barely talk and I do fucking everything. I work full time (he does too), I cook and clean and am the main parent.
I’ve cheated on him in the past when our relationship got to this point years ago and he started doing everything to pursue me again. We’d go on dates, we’d “sneak” around and go to hotels and role play but now that’s all gone to shit. I don’t feel wanted, I don’t feel loved and I feel like we’re roommates with 2 kids.
I’ve tried initiating things, I’ve tried and tried and tried and I get no where. Life is hard right now and I feel like we’re a million miles apart. It sucks. It’s to the point where I just shut down and have no will to even try. I don’t know if I want advice or just to vent but here I am.
24 comments
That cheating part.. ouch, its not easy to forget those things even when you forgive someone like that
Ask him are you suddenly attracted to me if some other guy is fucking me or what?
Maybe he secretly does want that.
Look you know if you don’t fix this, you will just end up cheating and the cycle will keep repeating. Get on top of it now, tell him it’s feeling stale again and that you want to start doing some of the things you did before to keep it alive.
Its easy to fall into old habits when your comfortable, you need to remind him once in a while.
Have you both had therapy to work through you cheating? Maybe he’s struggling with it still and distancing himself from you
Are you looking for an excuse to cheat again?
Have you both read “His Needs/Her Needs”?
It takes both spouses to have a fulfilling marriage and to do the work on maintaining it.
I personally appreciate my marriage without drama.
so basic housework and the care of your child led you to someone else’s bed?
It would be hard for someone to forgive / forget their spouses greasy cheating and be “all in” emotionally.
Stop cheating and both of you read some marriage and relationship books and perhaps try counselling after.
I am sympathetic to you but cheating is betrayal. It is hard to be attracted to or be excited by the partner who stabbed you in the back. I think you are better off divorcing and starting from the beginning.
Doesn’t sound like you respect your husband, the communication is poor, and I doubt he has much left for you other than built up resentment after the infidelity and being forced into the pick me dance….which is generally not the best strategy to fix a marriage. Guessing there are underlying issues from the past that were never addressed. Perhaps this is why your attempts at “initiating things” seem to go nowhere. Is he any happier than you or has he already checked out? Have you discussed any of this with a marriage counselor and if so what was their assessment?
omg.
Wow. Just…wow.
why would you ever want to bring kids into that?
Sounds like you’re auditioning for a new boyfriend
Waiting for your husband to post here about ur cheating🤣🤣
I feel bad for your husband. He deserves better
Seems like you’re the problem here, not him.
Divorce.
You cheated on him, why do you expect intimacy? And he pursued you again? What did you do to repair the damage that you did?
Couples counseling.
Also, he could be depressed. (As well as you.)
Good lord, someone close to your husband needs to speak to him and tell him to grow some balls and divorce your dumbass.
Some women truly are just filth. 😭😭
I say cheat again.
Have you spoken with your husband, cause I don’t believe that anyone is a mind reader. Communication is probably the most important part of any marriage. BTW, you are lucky to still have a husband after you cheated, but just go ahead and destroy any self worth that’s left in your hubby by having another affair. Maybe after he divorces you your life will be exciting.ffs
I’m sorry, as someone standing on the other side of separation I can understand but I think you need to grow up a little bit. Marriage is work. Work that requires a lot of humbling and compromise.
The grass is not greener on the other side. I’m standing here right now and I’ll tell you…
1) I’m now a part time parent. I’m missing out on things my kids do because it’s not my time with them.
2) I’m a single parent. When it’s my turn I’m completely on my own. Kids are sick? We’ll it’s your time so I guess you’re calling your boss/losing a days pay.
3) it’s fucking lonely. The person you considered your best friend is gone. Dating? Let’s be real… any decent person will stay far away from your messy life until it’s not messy anymore. Anyone else available…. They are likely not worth introducing your kids to.
4) I’m broke. I’m likely selling my house and moving into a rental. I have a good job but raising kids on one salary. (50/50 parenting time means minimal child support) I don’t foresee myself having any money for a long time. With inflation some days there’s a choice between gas for your car and lunch snacks for your kids. That isn’t even factoring lawyer’s fees.
I used to take what I had for granted like you.
In my case there was no cheating, we separated for different reasons and I’m fighting hard to salvage my marriage before it’s too late. There are others out there who got cheated on and are devastated. You got a second chance and you still don’t get it. If you don’t recognize that, prepare for life to suck hard for a little while.
You lost me at cheating. Please just get divorced. I understand where you are coming from but staying and dragging this out when no offense it sounds like you are about to start cheating again is unfair to your husband. Also any children you have are watching this shit show aren’t being done any favors. Go find what’s going to make you happy. If your side of the story is real it sounds like you are functioning as a single parent already so stop using your husband as a place holder until you find someone you want to leave him for. This is disgusting behavior especially since you don’t seem remorseful or like you actually want to repair your relationship at all. Jesus this sub is infuriating today.
Definitely think you need to talk with a therapist. There definitely is so unresolved issues that probably making you both resent each other. If you love him and want to make your marriage work, have a real conversation with him. Get it all out on table and ask to get couples counseling. Wish you all the best.
Trying to be emotionally supportive, encouraging and loving with someone that has cheated on you before is really hard .
There’s probably little to no trust and at the end of the day it’s all for what , all the hard work he can put into this family dynamics and marriage just for you to turn around and cheat again when things get though ?
This is a personal Issue, you need to take care of you first and be happy I. Your own . It’s not his job to keep you happy 24/7.