I (24f) has a really rough past 3 years so I decided to pack my shit up and move to a new country, start over. I meet a guy here (31m) and fell head over heels for him and we’ve been dating for a little while now.
In past relationships I was never the jealous type. But with him, whenever he’s with a mutual female friend, my jealousy seems to bubble over and I don’t know what to do. I like our mutual female friend and she’s been nothing but kind to me. But the way she acts towards my boyfriend drives me crazy. And I tell myself I’m being stupid because I know that at the end of the day, he comes back to my place, sleeps in my bed and cares for me unconditionally. But still. There’s this feeling in my stomach whenever the two are together.
I think the main reason for my jealousy is that my boyfriend has told me he cheated in the past. He said he wasn’t really dating the girl he cheated on and that they were just casually seeing each other but to me that’s still cheating. And I’m happy he told me and I’m happy he told me he was wrong for doing it but someone ones told me, once a cheater always a cheater and I find it hard to let that thought go.
My boyfriend and I are from different countries and we communicate in English but he feels more comfortable speaking his native language (which is understandable). Said mutual female friend is from the same country as him and the two get along really well. He’s told me multiple times I don’t have to worry because he sees her only as a sister but sometimes they act so coupley, leaning against each other, talking in their native language and leaving me out of the conversation etc.
I don’t wanna tell him to stop hanging out with her. That’s not fair and it’s not my decision who he hangs out with and who not. He’s an adult and so am I, and I try to remind myself to act like one but it’s hard when my jealousy is acting up.
I’ve talked to him about it (specifically the leaving me out of conversation) and he apologizes every time but he goes on to do it again a couple minutes later.
That’s not to say that he’s not the nicest most caring person I have ever meet. He treats me better then anyone I’ve ever been with, comforts me when I’m feeling like shit, helps me with things, makes sure I eat and drink enough, let’s me know his plans for the day without me asking, makes sure that I feel happy, cooks for me etc. and I’m absolutely in love with him.
So if anyone has any advice on how to deal with jealousy/ intrusive thoughts, please please please let me know.