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Finding someone you want to commit to.
having to regard another person for almost every decision you make
trust
The usual accomodations and requirements that are expected in a relationship.
I have been married 37 yrs. Thought it was for monogamy but ended up being celibacy.
Nothing, tbh
That I don’t know how to give up on it. Or refuse to give up on it.
Finding someone.
That experience had taught me that no matter what someone swears to you, you cannot trust that they will not change in the future (goes for yourself as well). The phrase, “you don’t divorce the same person you marry” is apt here. You can make the ultimate commitment to someone (marriage), but there’s what, a 50% chance you’re going to lose half of your assets / kids if things break down.
Striking the balance between being a couple and being an individual.
Convincing my wife to let me have a side slut.
It’s a weird one for me – feeling brave enough to be kind to her, without any fears. Reason being the best success I’ve had with women is when I didn’t give a fuck about them and just disqualified them non stop, treating them as unworthy. Which is not what I want to do in a relationship. But experience shows the opposite results when I care for someone.
Knowing if I could Abso-fucking-lutely trust her.
I could, 44 years now.
Finding someone who is worth giving up the peace that being alone brings you
I never used to have issues committing, but now I have trust issues and just straight up don’t want to be held down to one person. I don’t want to date, but then I find someone I like and think maybe I’d date them, and instantly feel trapped and held back.
Giving up opportunities with all the other women.
Keeping it
Knowing the risks and doing it anyway. It’s hard to do something I know doesn’t have a high probability of success, and ridiculous amounts of pain upon failure.
Getting over the last one and starting from a blank page. Not carrying over the insecurities and baggage. Finding trust.