I have dealt with depression on and off for decades. I stress out far too easily about my first world problems but I have a family much more supportive than many and I get to call myself an entrepreneur with a business that allows me to travel and even go to lots of cool events where I get to socialize and meet lots of upbeat, cool people. My debt is fairly minimal and I find myself blowing my problems out of proportion regularly.
I’ve been going through a heavy low lately, due to a pretty crappy breakup and business being uncertain, resulting in me feeling like I’m spiraling and losing control of my life. I had a friend give me lots of perspective last night and show me that I’m taking things a lot harder than I have to and being hard on myself in the process. He left me with a mantra he’s tried to install in me before: “Don’t be a bitch.” Yeah, yeah, self talk and self love and all, but this is actually a pretty useful mantra, as it helps with discipline, which will help me feel more successful, at ease, and actually put a stop to the spiraling.
Anyway, I’m writing here not so much to share (although I hope you find my story useful), but to ask, how do you all avoid being so heavy to other people around you as you’re feeling heavy yourself? Do you have a method for snapping yourself out of it? For increasing your self-awareness when you’re about to do it? Isolating feels like a natural solution, but at a certain point I can’t take that anymore and just spill how I’m feeling and wind up pushing people away, which can be a more permanent isolation in the long run.
I can feel the energy of people around me, and it feels like I’m often a negative vortex sucking air out of the room. I want to put an end to it, and gain deeper connections with the people I love in my life.
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When I’m really depending on my spouse for support, I inject a lot of humor (and reason/guidance) into it. Because I’m sort of an overprocesser and less resilient than … maybe average. So I just want to make the neediness as palatable as possible. Since we know each other well, nowadays we have shortcuts (for both of us).
It’s possible to feel bad yet not take everything so seriously at the same time. It tends to help at least some.
But changing unhealthy inner talk can be sort of like untangling a (fairly open) knot when you lay the process out like a flowchart and you look for the problem areas, usually the earliest ones. Examine the pattern and look at what realistically improved pattern is within reach.
If someone had the same problem and asked you for help, what would you advise them?