So the wife and I most of the time have sex when it’s time for bed. We’ll turn whatever on the tv, plug our phones into the chargers, and start getting intimate. The thing I’ve always had a hard time understanding is what’s okay to do right after finishing sex. I’ll get my wife off, help her out the bed, she uses the bathroom, and then goes straight to grabbing her phone and going on social media. The whole time not saying anything to me or reminiscing about the sex.
This has honestly always annoyed me. She doesn’t say a word to me at all. I’ll be blown away by the amazing sex we just had and would love to talk her but she’s already caught up on the phone looking at or reading about other people’s lives.
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Are you positive she is enjoying the sex as much as you do? Have you talked to her and explained you’d like a few minutes spent snuggling or whatever it is you need after sex?
My boyfriend used to do the same until i told him how it made me feel. Now we just cuddle and talk to each other.
Idk, have you possibly had a conversation with her? It’s a long shot, but conversation good 👍
You are just meeting her physical needs, nothing more. Now read that a couple of times…
She has a bedtime ritual that she does in order to go to sleep and it’s doing the phone thing and social media thing.
Try having sex a lot earlier in the evening instead of just right before bed.
I bask after sex, savouring the feeling. My husband gets straight up to get a snack. Every single time and it’s been 13 years.
Early on I used to get offended but now I realise it’s just his own weird little routine. Maybe your wife’s version of this is winding down on the phone?
If the sex is good and regular I wouldn’t worry too much.
Some people are kinda addicted to their phones. Just hug her and tell her to put the phone aside (but not like you are ordering her)
I don’t understand why, if it has *always* annoyed you, you haven’t told her about it.
If you need aftercare after sex, or you’re looking for more intimacy, or validation, or whatever it is you need then *tell her*. It’s not rocket science dude.
She has an unhealthy addiction to social media.
Have you tried communicating this with her at all, she probably doesn’t realize it hurts your feelings and you would like to cuddle/ have aftercare.
You should have have romantic talk before getting intimate and go out of bed directly having great time spend with her and you only start talking about it.
>*Wife goes straight to her phone after sex*
This is when you grab your phone and start texting her.
Often when I crawl into bed my wife will be completely engrossed with her phone. She’s either scrolling through Facebook, or she’s reading an ebook. So rather than try to get her attention by talking, I just start texting.
She usually starts laughing but she sometimes rolls over and give me the “really???” look. But this is her cue to engage with me.
When I started doing this a couple of years ago, I was mostly annoyed with her always being on her phone at bedtime. But now it’s become something playful that I do, and my wife seems to mostly enjoy it.
It’s the modern “Cigarette After Sex”.
My wife and I will dap each other up and send each other a few TikToks.
It might be a bit of a phone addiction on her end. Some people can literally not go like, 5 minutes (or less) without checking their phones.
After sex hormones/chemicals are going to be all kinds of wonky, I wouldn’t put too much weight on how she spends that time, but if it bothers you, tell her, communication about your intimate times and being more open can be a major boon for most marriages.
It’s not that weird. I too like to talk about what we just did with my wife afterwards, but she is totally not into that. My wife likes when we have sex, but if we’re not in the act itself it rarely even crosses her mind. Once she gets hers her mind is already off to the next thing she has to do. It took a while, but I learned to not to take it personally.
Honestly that would annoy me too. After sex I usually get up and go to the bathroom and grab husband a glass or water and a towel and then we lay together for only a couple minutes because then he falls asleep within like 3 minutes. If I can’t sleep then I’ll grab my phone but it’s not a regular thing. I think the cuddles afterward are really nice, you’re all warm and cozy feeling
Are you *both* having amazing sex?
We usually lay there for 5 or 10 minutes and cuddle. Then we both high five each other or say thanks lol. Then onto bed or whatever else needs to be done.
Have you talked to her about it? “Hey babe, after we have cleaned uo, can we make a point to snuggled for a few minutes before you jump on your phone?”
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40 years married. I want to cuddle after (something new for me) used to be jump up and go snack or something. Lately if I orgasm they’ve been super intense.
Wife wants to get right up and clean herself.
Sometimes I don’t let her, I just grab her and hug. It is what it is, I don’t get upset. 40 years and the sex is better than ever.
Do you attempt to talk to her after or do you just give up because she’s on her phone? For me I can be on my phone but I’m not totally engrossed in it so my husband saying something to me will result in me putting the phone down and listening.
Is she enjoying it? Honestly. Talk to her. When she gets out of bed say hey let’s cuddle for a while when you get back or let’s put our phones away and catch up. This could easily be a misunderstanding and she thinks you’re just done and moving on. So ask her to talk or cuddle if you want to, speak up!
Is she at least snuggling next to you on her phone, or is she laying separate from you? If she’s snuggling next to you, I would guess she’s happy. If she’s visibly laying away from you on her phone, I would wonder if the sex wasn’t so great for her.
The obvious thing here is that maybe the sex is not that amazing for her.
Doesn’t mean that she doesn’t enjoy it or that it doesn’t feel nice just means you are leaving her in a quivering wreak.
If you want the kudos put the effort in, learn so new tricks.
Sounds like you could do with switching things up a bit.
How long have tou been together?
It’s valid to want to spend some cuddle time or talking about it afterwards. It sounds like an ongoing issue. If you haven’t told her about it yet, I would bring it up with a gentle tone and ask “hey, could we try keeping our tech and phones away for another 15 minutes and just spend quality time together afterwards and talk about how that was?”
Maybe it’s a habit she’s used to and doesn’t know what you need. It can be frustrating when our partners needs don’t match up, but don’t let that stop you from telling her what you need. As a partner, hopefully she’ll be absolutely up for trying it. Good luck!
If you want to do a play by play, try doing it when she is still a wet noodle.
We have our “team huddle” right after. Before either of us have cleaned up. We are both gasping and telling each other where they rocked it.
Maybe it’s her way of cooling off? I know right after for me, any immediate touching is almost over stimulating. I tend to roll over and need to cool off for a minute and sometimes that’s looking at my phone. It’s nothing against my husband. Just ask her about it.
Have you told her how you feel?
I used to kind of get up and go (if in the morning or during the day), or go back to bed to go to sleep after sex with my husband until he told me he wished I would cuddle with him afterwards. So now I make sure to cuddle with him for a bit first and/or come back to bed to cuddle after cleaning up if needed urgently, because it makes him happy, which makes me happy and takes literally nothing away from me.
This my friend is called aftercare. Ask for it and say what you need.
“Hey I know you may have a different way of unwinding after sex but I’d really like to cuddle after for a bit. It helps me feel loved and I just want to hold you”
State your needs
Have you told her you want to snuggle and that you feel neglected?
If you’re having good frequent sex… does it really matter what she does afterwards?
Some of these guys would give both nuts to be in that situation 😆
I’ve done this, but I was texting my best friend (not on social media) reminiscing about everything my husband did. It got to the point when we finished my husband would ask “You texting tasha?” Lol
I haven’t done it in a while, but alot of times we will watch tiktoks or something. Because no matter how many times I orgasm during sex I stay horny. I HAVE to wind down with something mindless so I can sleep or I’ll be awake masturbating alone all night lol
Many couples have a “no phones in the bedroom” rules just like “no phones at the dinner table”.
It’s a place for cosyness, snuggling, and all kinds of intimacy.
I think you need to talk to her. Say that you’d like to snuggle or something after. It’s okay to be vulnerable with your wife like that.
My husband knows I love when he stays in me for a bit, we will lay together afterwards sometimes. (If we have more rough sex, He knows I like to be held after for my aftercare. All I did was request him to be gentle with me afterwards and he understands and happily holds me, kissing or whatever I need)
But he usually is the one getting up first, he likes to eat after or get a drink etc. I like to stay in bed and have him serve me snacks or a drink, I’m the one that in on my phone more but I do make an effort not to get on it immediately. I also watch tv and he knows that’s a favorite past time and he will lay with me as I watch tv and he sleeps.
You just have to talk. You will find a better flow that both of you enjoy if you communicate your needs.
Your wife is me. I get on my phone afterward, usually a game to turn my head off. I have adhd and no matter how tired my body is for some reason sex turns my brain way up and the phone helps to settle it back down and help me go to sleep. I had to explain to my husband that it was not a slight on him or how “well” he did. It hurt his feelings too until we talked and I try to make sure he is all set and going to sleep before I get on it now. I can be asleep and be woken up for some fun and still cant go right to sleep afterward because my brain is all over the place. Have you talked to her about it at all? Or told her that to feel loved and appreciated you need just a small bit of time afterward to cool off and then she can get on her phone to wind down?
Hey don’t feel bad..just grab her and hold her. Give her complements..so something different. Idk say let’s go again! See how she reacts. But I’d definitely try being intimate at different times of the day..not just when you turn the tv on. I mean approach her while she’s doing the dishes..if she’s on social media, make your move..take the phone from her and do the deed!!! Sometime we want you to take charge!
I hate to say it but either she isnt enjoying it OR youve been together so long that sex has become more routine, therefore the day hoes back to normal shortly after. Have you asked her about it?
Are you sure she enjoys the sex as much as you do? Is she getting off?
I am not sure what your wife is thinking or if she is satisfied. Have you asked her if the sex is satisfying?
I’m sorry she looks at her phone right away. I’ve experienced that myself but it would be 20-30 min after, not right away. Just ask her, have a convo.
She’s addicted to her phone and you need to tell her how her addiction is making you feel uncomfortable.
My wife and I are on our devices pretty quickly with smiles on our faces! If it’s great sex, awesome. Try flirting with him a little after that. This is an opportunity for things to go sideways when they don’t have to.