So his car isn’t working and he took it to a mechanic. I knew he didn’t have a way to get back to the apartment and I offered to take him. Before that, we were in a tense mood that day because we had an argument about the video he sent me, I found it offensive, he found it funny (see my previous post for the argument).
In the end, he pouted because of my reaction to the video, which he allegedly just wanted to make me laugh. Convinced of how violently I reacted, I offered to take him home as a sign of apology.
We didn’t have any plans for the rest of the evening, but I suggested that we buy a bottle of wine and go to his house.
At first he agreed, but later he started suggesting cafes where we could go. I didn’t feel like it and said that I would rather go to the apartment and continued driving towards the apartment, whereupon he suddenly scolded me so hard that I shook. He said that he was disgusted by the stupid apartment and that he did not want to be in the apartment all the time. I felt tears piling up but I didn’t say anything, I just continued to drive and kept trying not to cry.
Maybe I should have asked him the reason or something, but I felt bad and embarrassed that he was yelling at me like that after walking on eggs around him all day and driving him home. We didn’t talk the rest of the way and I left him in front of the door, when he was leaving he asked me if I wanted to go inside and I said I didn’t want to because I was still angry.
After that, he sent me a message thanking me for the ride and saying he left me chocolate in the car. I didn’t want to pretend like nothing was happening and I expected him to apologize for yelling at me. He did not do that, but continued to talk about how he was always in the apartment and that he did not feel like staying in.
I have a key for his apartment, but obviously I’m not always wanted, so I said that I don’t want to have the key to the apartment. He asked me if I was breaking up with him, I said that I wasn’t but that I didn’t want to have the key. He got down to it 5 minutes and threw all my things in a pile in the car without a word. I asked him if he was being serious, he just turned away and ignored me.
We ended that evening with me crying for another 10 minutes, calmed down, and called him on his cell phone.
At that moment, I looked at the clock and realized that I had been sitting in the parking lot for two hours in tears and freezing. This isn’t right, is it?
In the end we made up, but I don’t know. I’m not proud of my behavior last night and I wouldn’t have reacted so violently, but with him I’m always on edge in some way.
I feel bad now about the whole fight but it’s very hard for me to distinguish how much is my fault and how much is his. And I always put all the blame on myself.
TL;DR The boyfriend was yelling at me, I felt bad and I returned the apartment key to him, after which he broke up with me. We made up but I don’t feel like before
6 comments
Your relationship with him sounds toxic, just go ahead and end it. For good.
You two have some toxic communication patterns which include yelling, silent treatments, and not expressing your wants needs. Consider how the following could have played out differently.
Video incident:
* GF: I realize you thought that video was funny, but I found that part where (…) to be really offensive because (…)
* BF: Oh, wow. Now that you point that out, I can see how that would be offensive. Im sorry.
Home vs Out Incident:
GF: Would you like to get a bottle of wine and hang out at your place tonight?
BF: Mmmm… I think Id rather go out. There’s this great cafe that just opened 3 blocks from here.
GF: Sorry, Im not really up for a night out tonight, Im pretty beat. Would it be ok if we went another night instead?
BF: I was really hoping to get out, Im feeling a little restless from being home the past several days.
GF: Maybe you can meet up with some friends tonight and we can hang out on Friday?
BF: Thats a great idea. Are you going to be up late? If so, Ill give you a call when i get home.
All of these can be simple adult conversations between two adults without tears, temper tantrums, silent treatments, yelling, breakups, etc.
He sounds dreadful and you sound like you’ve been walking on eggshells so much with him and this unstable Relationship that you’re constantly anxious and scared about his reactions. Leave him. It will get worse. He will constantly ‘fake’ break up with you, it’s manipulation so that you do what he wants all the time. This will eventually break down your self esteem until all you’re doing is tiptoeing around him. Get out. There’s nothing here to save, because he doesn’t like you. You’re just something for him to manipulate.
Two profoundly unhealthy people can never have a functioning relationship.
When you’re at the point of multiple break ups or “fake” break ups it’s not worth it anymore. Once that happens it’s all down hill from there.
you reacted violently to a video??? what do you mean, violently?