So I met a guy on hinge. I live in the suburbs of Chicago and he lives in the city, but we’re talking about going out some time. We haven’t decided where we’re going, literally haven’t even talked about it yet, and my mom is already telling me if he doesn’t offer to come to the suburbs (an hour from the city) to meet me out where I live, then he’s not chivalrous or that’s not a good guy. I feel like I would rather go somewhere in the city anyway, but now I feel like if he doesn’t offer to come to me, maybe that’s a red flag? Like he isn’t willing to make an effort to come to me and it will set an expectation that I will always travel to see him. Am I being paranoid and overthinking? Should he offer to at least meet me half way?
16 comments
Stop promoting gender roles.
“Should the guy/girl always…?”
The answer is no. Every single time.
And yes, a mature adult would offer to meet halfway. That goes for both parties.
So, I feel like your situation can be a bit unique…
Suburbs vs. City. That’s not to say there isn’t anything to do where you, but, maybe there are more options in the city?
Meeting halfway is ideally the “easiest” assuming both of you know what you can do and know the area well.
As for me, as a Guy, I typically always offer to drive towards the girl. I know a lot of girls prefer for the Guy to plan, however, I find it best to make the person feel comfortable which is why I always offer to go towards her. Just my preference. But I don’t see it as a red flag. Unless he never comes to you
Your mom is wrong. You guys should go somewhere fun- which is probably in the city
If there’s an place to date in your suburbs, why not choose that?
Normally I would say you should all meet half way but if it were me I’d rather travel to Chicago because it’s a great city with great food/coffee.
If it’s a red flag for him to not offer to go to you, it’s a red flag for you to not offer to go to him. I don’t understand why equality is so difficult for people to understand, it’s common sense.
>nd my mom is already telling me if he doesn’t offer to come to the suburbs (an hour from the city) to meet me out where I live, then he’s not chivalrous or that’s not a good guy.
Don’t take dating advice from someone that’s 20+ years older than you. They have no idea what the current dating world is like.
The guy shouldn’t anything. If gender roles are to die, then they ALL need to die, not just the ones you don’t like.
Everyone is different. I would say yes …
But ironically am married to a woman who drove an hour to me the first time we met lol.
Halfway should be the minimum for sure. I wouldn’t see it as a red flag at all for someone not actively offering to travel the full journey to meet you. Sure it would be nice of him but to expect that would be absurd.
Why should he have to spend more money and time to come and meet? Why would that be expected? Would it be a red flag for him if you don’t offer to travel to him? It works both ways.
If you guys actually come to arrange a date then I’m sure you can schedule a meeting point that makes travel easy for you both.
just meet halfway and if you vibe propose meeting at your respective areas on a rotational basis’s
Any sentence that begin with ‘should the XXX always….’. The answer is no.
I think this type of old-school assumption is why we find dating so difficult, we are all trying to work with other peoples standards, gender roles, stereotypes and over romantism of dating.
Do what works best for the two of you, try and be considerate when deciding on location
No it depends, be a modern woman and do your part in a relationship.
Would it be a red flag for him to not come to you if your date is in the city and save him a journey to you and back and then to your house and back again when that is actually incredibly inconvenient? No. Not at all. A red flag would be if he demanded you come to him and would make you feel bad if you didn’t.
Lol, not wanting to drive out to the boring suburbs is now a “red flag”. Ok lady.
I won’t comment on whether he should or not, but the best men I have dated have ALWAYS offered to on the first date and the men that have not have almost always been inconsiderate in general. This is because the men that offer to travel to the women understand that dating is more dangerous for a woman and would rather meet her somewhere where she knows the area and is comfortable. They also understand that if the date is in the evening, it is safer for them to travel back alone at night than it is for the woman. It is just considerate. Everyone is touting equality and for gender roles to go away, but the truth is that the world is not equal for men and women. There is a reason why most of the people on this subreddit are single and give terrible dating advice.
Chivalry is dead and feminism killed it.
Stop with the outdated gender norms and meet the dude halfway. You either want to be treated like an equal or you don’t.
Equal rights means equal fucking lefts.