I’m M19, still a virgin as you can read from the title.
I’ve never had a girlfriend or anything really near a relationship.y a year ago was the first time I was dating a girl (F16). It was really nice honestly and I was happy to have someone finally after years of always being the single guy riend group. The problem was though, that there was nothing really sexual between us. I was so attracted to this girl. But we only made out twice, while dating for 3 weeks and having like 4 sleepovers (yep). It was pretty obvious she already had her first time, as she had a long relationship before. So one night we were at a party but went home pretty quickly and went to sleep. No sex or making out or whatever. But in the middle of the night, we both woke up, started making out and also some touching started happening. I’ve never touched a girl like this before, so I’m very inexperienced. Suddenly she stands up and gets condoms. I was very surprised but also like okay, I’m having sex for the first time now. Well… it didn’t work out. I couldn’t get hard enough. No idea why. I was hard during all the touching but after she got the condoms.. just nothing. We went to sleep, I went home the next morning and she quickly told me things couldn’t work out after that.
As said, this was like a year ago. Honestly, I wasn’t really satisfied with myself back then ad lots of confidence issues etc. But since then I’ve worked really hard on myself, got a new haircut, started working out etc. and I’m very confident now (finally after years of not being enough for myself). I can honestly say I’m attractive, which I couldn’t say of myself back then.
So anyways, a few weeks ago I started texting a girl (F18). She lives very near the place I just moved to. But from the beginning on, when texting her it was obvious for both of us it was just gonna be an FWB thing. And I’m completely fine losing my virginity to just some random girl, I don’t care anymore honestly and it’s not like I’m forcing anything. I just found her very attractive. So after 2 weeks of texting and also all that other stuff that happens over text she comes over for some Netflix and chill. It was pretty obvious for both of us that it’s gonna lead to sex. We watched 365 Days. And oooh yeah you can already guess. We didn’t have sex. We didn’t even make out. It was so weird honestly, we just watched the film (while people literally had sex in the film the whole time) and just cuddled. Then we went to sleep. I have no idea why I didn’t initiate anything. No touching or anything. I know I should’ve done something, no idea what was going on in my head that I didn’t do anything. Very weird experience.
Now I’m just stuck here thinking about what I should do. I’m sure I’m gonna have something with some girl in the future, but if I know it will just end like this again, I’m just more comfortable at letting it be than trying anything just to disappoint in the end anyways.
Edit: I don’t wanna tell the girl I’m a virgin, I think that’s a huge turndown for her.
2 comments
Seems like you’re putting way too much pressure on yourself in the moment. Sex seems like this really big huge thing until you actually do it and realize that it’s not as big a deal as you may have made it out to be.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s fun and amazing, but it’s just sex.
You can try to lighten up the situations by focusing on your partner and her in the moment try not to think about or anticipate anything.
Also, focus on foreplay. If you’re able to be erect then, stay in that range for a while and enjoy that. And then if it progresses, it’ll be more organic and less pressure.
It sounds like you’ve got some major nerves going on about your first time which isn’t at all unusual. Have you thought about trying to focus on starting a relationship with someone as opposed to just fwb? I say that because someone who’s emotionally attached to you will be more likely to understand that you’re a virgin and be patient with any first time performance issues. That might be better for you than a rushed one night stand.