I (32 F) have been in a very positive online relationship with my partner Joey (35M) for 1.5 years. I’m in the US and he is in the UK. We’re saving together for me to visit him, but in the meantime, our contact is all digital – voice, video, text. We have a high degree of compatibility as far as I can tell, especially in one notably rare area (we met through a fetish blog I was writing if that tells you enough).
Joey has known that I identify as polyamorous from the beginning. While not thrilled about it, he was open to trying it, and today, we are successfully practicing what would most likely be called an “open relationship.” The way it has naturally fallen is that we are one another’s primary partners, but encourage one another to engage in healthy + casual relationships outside of that.
It’s going well – so, why am I posting? Well, I have this friend, Corey (22M) who I have been good friends with for about a year. We have hung out less than once a month for most of that, doing things like taking walks and going to the library together.
Corey and I flirt a lot with one another, but it’s very indirect (verbal compliments that could also be construed as friendly). It bears mentioning that (being a decade younger) he is very much less experienced than me physically and socially, but he is absolutely an adult – very smart and I would say a mental equal.
Recently, we started clicking more, and began talking on more of a weekly basis. I had seen Corey as just a friend, but I can safely say now that I have feelings for him. This is different than a casual thing to me because I can see myself wanting something long-term. As in, if was mutually desired / accepted and worked out, this would be polyamory to me (loving two people) as opposed to what I have now (loving one person but having the freedom to hook up with others).
**I don’t know if I should pursue Corey. I definitely don’t want to hide my feelings from either person, but I’m also scared to fuck up the already great thing I have with Joey.**
**How can I handle this? Should I talk to Corey first to evaluate his level of interest? If he is interested in something potentially serious, how do I bring it up with Joey?**
Note: Joey knows Corey and I are friends and that I was initially attracted to him, but have seen him as a friend in general. We (Joey and I) don’t obligate one another to share the details of casual relationships, but do sometimes volunteer that information and discuss it in a healthy manner.
1 comment
You have to talk with your boyfriend first. Otherwise you are going behind his back planning a new relationship, which could break his trust. You should involve him as early as possible, but think hard about how you will react if he declines. You’ll have to be prepared to respect his decision and either end things with him or stop pursuing the other guy.