First, some backstory and context, I (19F) am an international student who just moved to a different country alone and I barely have any friends. I’m currently studying at a college and majority (if not all) of my classmates are middle-aged people who are also international students so I never really get to hang out and talk to them other than for school stuff.

I’m on my third term now and I’ve usually just spent lunch with a group from Latin-America in our class, and it’s been kind of isolating because they speak Spanish and I don’t and I always had to just awkwardly sit with them and fumble with my phone waiting for lunch break to end, and pretend to understand what they’re saying.

A few weeks ago, I met someone (18M) in the same college because I sold my books to him (he’s on his first term) and we kind of just kept on talking.

I told him about my situation and he said that he was available if I ever wanted someone to hang around with. (And I really do). So I invited him out to lunch, and it was quite awkward at first because my social interaction skills are terrible but I really enjoyed it.

A few days after that, I tried to ask if we could go out to watch a movie but it turned out that he was working that day and our schedules don’t match with each other because I have days off when he’s working and vice versa.

I asked if we could have lunch again, and we did. Both times we just sat in his car and talked. He asked if it’d be okay if some of his friends join next time and I’m totally okay with that. In fact, I would really like that.

I think I creeped him out the next day though because I asked if he could steal me from my cousin after school so I could avoid going to their church gathering that I’m always forced to attend.

Terrible choice of words I now realize but yeah he said he doubts if he could do it but I was really desperate at the time and asked 2-3 more times but it was really no.

His replies kind of slowed down after that and he didn’t reply to me for a few days and I got really worried about it but in the end he sent me a message apologizing for not texting back because he didn’t get a notification and he doesn’t really use social media that much aside from Marketplace. (Note we are still having our conversations in like the Marketplace section messenger lmao)

I asked if he used any other platform other than FB and he said he normally uses Snapchat but I don’t really use it so I gave him my number instead but we still kept talking in Marketplace.

I’d really want to hang out again or at least have lunch but I’ve only been the one initiating for like 4 times now and I’m worried I’m coming out as too desperate or clingy. Maybe I actually am, but I really just want friends in the same age range and try to improve my social skills.

I don’t know what to do anymore and we’re running out of things to talk about. His replies are pretty slow now too, which is understandable. I started school in April and it took me nearly 5 months to actually start talking to someone and it makes me sad that I’d have to go back in isolation again.

2 comments
  1. It may still work out!

    Is there anything you can do to meet some other people so you aren’t all focused on one person? If you were sitting down and brainstorming ways to meet people for someone else in a similar situation, what would you suggest to them?

  2. Sorry in advance, I do not mean to come across as mean to you, I just want to be honest.

    He probably saw the notification but choose to ignore it, he is replying slowly intentionally too, you’re not a priority to him.

    I advise that you do not delude yourself into a position where you’re on the lower end of a future friendship/relationship with someone, as it will only get worse when it goes for longer and longer and you realize that this person is not really a good friend of yours, and that realization will ruin you even harder when you’re more attached.

    Though you can still try as I know being alone is rough, hang out with him/his friends but make sure not to delude yourself in the process, still a bad idea in the long run…..

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