I hate acting fake and I genuinely like having a good attitude. I like to say “looking forward to it” and “happy Friday” in an email. Is this so uncool now to be nice? Is it better to ignore or act unimpressed:aloof with people now for them to respond and follow through? Thanks.
Edit: this has been with platonic people
38 comments
It’s not what you say and whether you’re “nice”. It’s the expectation that people must respond, and respond in a way that you want them to (as fast as you want, and in tone that you want, and be accomodating to you). That’s what gives it a bad vibe.
I used to be like this because I was so so shy and didn’t want my crushes to know I liked them… yeah no, that tactic is shit
I have more experience now to know that people enjoy and respond to effort and enthusiasm
Just do what feels right to you OP
I don’t understand, are you getting negative reactions for using those send-offs in emails?
Yes you do.
With the Wrong people.
Don’t waste your oxygen on them.
The Right people will appreciate sincerity.
Energetic and enthusiasm wins.
A coworker who is being aloof and unengaged is a quick sign of “this is not likely to be a good coworker”. Unless they are a hard worker but just are distant in social circumstances.
Obviously there are varying degrees in peoples personalities but typically since you need to communicate then you need to be engaged.
And we always need people who add in positive energy.
——
Client and service provider? A speculation is they are undermanned and also are driven by customer evaluation.
Good evaluation means less effort required. Almost bad evaluation means let’s get this up to have a good evaluation. Really bad evaluation means this is a difficult customer, may or may not put the effort in.
Obviously just speculating, but regardless of the actual reason, it sounds like this is pretty much the result.
It’s business, gotta be savvy and work with who you’re working with, and get what you pay for 👍
Thanks for posting this…. Even I have faced this over the years…..it hurts me bad and being sensitive it is difficult for me 😭 I face this sometimes…be it friends or family when I am ignored for being nice and interested. I don’t know how people can ignore… I come from a culture where joint families are a thing.. though now everything is changing a lot. I myself don’t get a response from my family and it hurts me very bad. Maybe because I am thought as worthless
As long as you’re not telling people to smile, I see no issue with this
When you say “good attitude”, do you mean the usual stuff like adding please and thank yous into your messages? Some people misconstrue “being nice” with having no personal boundary / oversharing. Other times, it’s just a case of people not having the time to continue meaningless exchange, because it’s work and not a social club. Also, if they’re a service provider, then they’re not your friends – it seems you really want them to like you as opposed to getting the service you need. This is in the end a professional relationship. Not sure if you’ve already paid for the services, but if they don’t respond as promptly as you like with what you have asked for then either give them constructive feedback directly, escalate it on their side so someone can do something about it or simply terminate the relationship.
I’ve found this. I’m quite an energetic and enthusiastic person, but have found this elicits less of a response from people than if you are, as you say, aloof. The less you give people, it seems the more they want.
I found that people subconsciously like people who are mysterious and/or confident.
If you hate being fake (like myself after doing it for years) then you should just be yourself. Bottom line if you play into the idea that you HAVE to be something then you have strayed away from aloof/uninterested positives.
Really you gotta just move forward and wait till people come to you. If you think people are not listening to you then ignore them, let your inner emotions show as you have already decided you want Todo.
Nice guys finish last. Took me years to learn this but its true.
I found after years of being nice, it comes back to bite you with certain people. Its easier to be aloof and let the people seek validation from you. You definitely won’t make friends easier this way but it shields you from recreating past trauma.
The world is a interesting place. Kinda turns you into a asshole even though you don’t want to be one.
If anyone looks at you all grumpy just tell them “somebody’s got a case of the Mondays” (*in a baby voice*). Trust me they will love you after that.
yup. 3 kinds of people
the people who are naturally like this
the people who want validation from people that are uninterested
the people who fake it
i dont have the problem with the first two and personally im closer to the 2nd one but people who fake it just feel so shitty to me
the reason people want validation from people who act uninterested is because when you get some sort of positive reaction from them you feel good about yourself. you got the uninterested person interested, you did that, and so you feel all special and confident. but the opposite happens when they ignore you feel worthless and unhappy.
Some people are like this whereas some people will also start acting aloof and uninterested to you if you start doing this
So i think it’s just about acting the same way as they do at times
I used to actually be interested in talking to some people but they were very aloof and uninterested and once i started being the same way to them they were more responsive and there are some people who like it when you are interested and will reply in the same way
I think it’s all about acting the way others act towards you
The minute you’re nice to someone you get accused of being “too thirsty.” I invited a coworker to get drinks after work when I was new to a job and she had been nice to me, and then I overheard her saying I was trying to “be her best friend”.” After so many rejections I hate to say I’ve become somewhat aloof myself :/
What I learned is that with these people, you could be the most amazing person in the world and they won’t even respect the air that you breathe. Find better people that treat you with respect.
This used to me by problem: I was too aloof or too excited. Could never find the middle ground until I found my wife…
The only people who react negatively to your enthusiasm are those who don’t like you
Different people want different things out of a relationship. Find the people that like what you have to offer rather than stressing yourself to be some specific way.
The contingency on that is just being kind and respectful about it. If who you are is coming off as rude or uncaring, then listen to feedback, but if it’s literally just that you’d like more frequent contact than what others seem to want, you can keep looking and find people who do like that.
If you feel like you’re being fake I think others may pick up on that. But the opposite isn’t disinterestedness or aloofness
eh its fine just be yourself. “looking forward to it” is very generic normal response to say. “happy friday” could be annoying but really doesnt amount to anything
Yeah, I used to have a friend who would meet me for lunch, and when arriving would announce that she didn’t have much time. She did this every time. –She has no kids or anything, and only works part-time. When I eventually noticed the pattern, I just stopped calling. She texts me now and then to brag about something. LOL
Contrast that to my other friend who I invited to a movie festival. Every time I speak to her, she tells me she can’t wait.
Aloofness is just uncool people trying to pretend they are cool.
People like it when you look like you don’t care, because that means they don’t have to feel pressured about measuring up to your expectations.
Being genuine is all that matters.
Literraly yes , i am even in situation like this rn dude idk how can ppl be hugging and kissing on monday and then cold as ice and dry as the desert on thursday
They say opposites attract, but in my experience you honestly attract what you put out there. Sure, some people don’t respond well to positive, always happy people, but it sounds like you wouldn’t really click with those people anyway. Don’t change who you are just because some people don’t like it. Focus your effort on those that appreciate and enjoy it and you’ll be surrounded with like-minded friends soon.
Hmm i’m guessing not everyone prefers to be like this over email. Or they might justvhave a more standard, basic way of writing emails.
I wouldn’t take it so personally, unless they’re like this irl too.
Being aloof and disinterested doesn’t get you friends. That being said there are people who may not appreciate your level of enthusiasm, I would probably be one of them.
No. In order for people to be responsive to you, they have to have a reason to do so. People take into account your confidence, the vibes you give off when talking to them, and the value you bring to social interactions. People gravitate towards positive vibes and positive energy. They don’t respond to you and in fact avoid you if you show high levels of anxiety, nervousness, overthinking, neediness, or desperation.
I don’t think people typically respond positively to aloofness, either. In the case of someone who reacts negatively to positivity, they would probably react negatively to pretty much anything. With a caveat for bizarrely extreme positivity but I don’t get the impression that’s your thing.
I notice that people like me more when Im easy going and nice, but dont respect me as much and take advantage of me. But when Im cold and uninterested they respect the f out of me and are even scared in a way… like wtf people. Im not like that, so if someone is nice – I respect and like him and if someone is cold and just plain d*ck – i hate him haha
You don’t need to act aloof and uninterested. You need to act (and be) relaxed
there’s a big difference
Honestly I think people are attracted to genuineness more than anything else. If you’re not doing it because you’re trying to get people to like you and you genuinely just like it, I say go for it.
Absolutely not
Theres a guy like you I know. I think sometimes people have an issue because his energy is too high for the room at the time.
No do what u feel like
i feel like its uncool when people arent genuenly doing it. If you do it because you trully believe it then fuck what others think
LOL never be someone you’re not and of course remain someone with good ideals. You shouldn’t be moved from what we stand by just to fit into a crowd that isn’t you. I recommend to be natural and see who you naturally click with even if it takes time. Honestly that’s what I had to do for a little while and I ended up coming across great people. I didn’t have to be someone I’m not. I hope this helped.