I’ve been a bartender for almost 10 years, so I’m good at interacting with people listening to their bullshit, I’m not afraid to go up to people. So like for all intents and purposes I should be pretty cool. That being said I was super shy in my teens and early 20s(I’m 32 now) so I’m somewhat of a late bloomer. I’m an introvert working an extroverts job.
I feel like I’m just… boring. It’s a weird vibe. Like the perception people have of me and how I actually am is different.
People think I’m cool for some reason, like the younger dudes wanna be me, the women want to say they’ve been with me and overall the bar regulars hold me in high regard. but the reality is I go to work and then I sit at home. I’m not a badass, I’m not particularly funny but I have my moments, I’m not charming or charismatic, I’m just… a guy. My dating life is trash because I feel like I don’t have anything to bring to the table. If a woman asked what I do my fun I don’t really have an answer.
My personality is literally just buying people things because I’m single with no kids and few liabilities so I have a surplus of money.
So how do I like… become interesting, do I just go do interesting things?!
6 comments
Maybe pickup a fun interesting hobby to do after work.
Authenticity is valuable 😌 Try putting yourself out there more to see what interests you! You might find yourself drawn to a certain hobby, activity, social circle in classes, sports, experiences, artistic/creative avenues etc.
Yes! Do things!
Here’s a guideline. Think of the essential things people need, right? Food, water, shelter, community… and exercise (not usually on the list). You can flesh out this list as much as you want, use the pyramid of needs, whatever.
Then how about choosing a hobby for each one? Or a few of them? And when that hobby is at all community-oriented, all the better.
So, maybe you get into a certain style of cooking.
Shelter–you could get into decorating, building, or just learn too much about hippie styles of building and/or tiny houses on youtube like the rest of us. You could even incorporate travel in this category, you could do a bit of travel (including locally on weekends, maybe) to see certain types of buildings. Or for that matter, natural features. Or you could even keep it simple and just be the guy who really knows all about repainting your apartment, choosing the right colors… basic plumbing repairs… anything.
Exercise–good thing to do, and if you have a favorite form or two, that’s another thing to chat about. You might also look into what’s available locally.
I’m just suggesting this approach because it’s a bit more likely your interests will then benefit you in practical ways as well, rather than if you picked a bunch of random quirky hobbies out of a hat.
What I usually suggest here is investing yourself for the long term in one or two interest-based communities. I think that’s great for everybody, and especially important if you’re more isolated than you would like to be.
Also, not the topic of this sub, but it would be a good idea to invest that extra money.
Just keep trying new things until you find things you like. Sports, hiking, skiing, art, music, gardening… it really does not matter what it is… when you find something you like, you will have something you can talk about with passion. It’s ok to not like things, but also don’t be afraid to try something you think you would not like. You might get surprised.
i do drugs bro
It seems like your job has become the major part of your identity and everything outside of work is kinda lackluster. What you need to do is balance it out. This can be difficult for people if they work 40+ hrs a week and the job is physically and mentally draining.