It was his birthday party today and I set everything up for him. He got really drunk and I got a little tipsy but we invited a lot of friends. We were in the living room sharing memes when he pulls out a naked photo of me that I sent to him and made a crude joke. He gave his phone to his friends while they all checked it out while rubbing my back and thighs. We have NEVER DISCUSSED something like this and I was mortified. His friends made so so many comments about my body and they ALL saw me naked. I feel ashamed and dirty. What I did was probably wrong but I still didn’t feel okay with it!!! I cried and went to the bedroom. I may be overreacting because he was drunk but I don’t feel great. What do I do? His birthday is today! Should I just ignore it until tomorrow or discuss it with him today? I don’t wanna ruin his birthday but it’s eating me alive. I don’t wanna take away his day.
27 comments
What he did was betray your trust and there is no excuse for it. He had no right to violate you like that
You are not overreacting at all. My ex-gf, accidently, showed a photo of me to some of her friends I I didn’t feel good about it at all. Your bf did it on purpose. I don’t know anything about your relationship but for me, this would be something that might lead to the decission to leave my partner.
Not overreacting AT ALL. I’m sorry but this is a huge invasion of you privacy like genuinely reconsider this relationship the man doesn’t respect you. Huge red flag and being drunk isn’t a good justification for that. Nothing is.
What you did wasn’t wrong, what he did was
Nah thats fucked.
He kinda violated your trust. That’s pretty fu**ed tbh.
Are they your friends as well? Because I CAN’T imagine a situation when friends start commenting and touching you when you’re clearly uncomfortable
Man…. He’s going to regret that when he sobers up. What the hell was going through his head?
What your bf did was grave offence. Its known as Non Consensual Pornograpgy (it falls under the umbrella of Revenge Porn). I would strongly recommend against confronting your bf, no matter how justified it might be. What he did is a form of domestic abuse and in many places, it is a crime.
I would encourage you to get in touch with an advocate. You may want to consider starting with the Cyber Civil Rights Initiative. (https://cybercivilrights.org/) They offer a 24/7 crisis line at 844-878-CCRI (2274), referrals to pro bono and low bono attorneys, image removal guides, information about state and international law around NCP, research on NCP, and more.
Their advocates can help you navigate next steps, including which steps are safest for you. It is not safe to confront someone who has committed an act of abuse against you.
If you need additional support, [ Contact Badass Army ( Battling Against Demeaning and Abusive Selfie Sharing) that has an online support group for individuals who’ve experienced non-consensual pornography] (https://mobile.twitter.com/thebadass_army?lang=en).
Run OP. You aren’t overreacting. He breached all boundaries and your trust. Please file charges against this asshole while you are at it so his potential future partners know what an asshole he is. Also since today is his birthday it’s the perfect opportunity to break up with him. Shit will sink in real fast and be a gut punch that he would’ve never expected. Please leave as soon as you can OP
You have to dump this turd.
He broke several requirements it takes for a relationship. Trust and respect being the main ones.
He does not respect you, and you cannot trust him.
He’s a pathetic little piece of shit, and as a man, I’m angry just thinking about it let alone actually being there to witness his actions.
Girl WHAT THE FUCK is wromg with him???? Nobody should do that, no matter how intoxicated.
That’s a dick move on his part. You haven’t acted wrong at all and he may not deserve any bday good stuff!
he’s the one who shot himself in the foot and ruined his birthday. you have every right to feel the way you do. that said, this is something that warrants a serious, honest conversation between the two of you, after which you may have a clearer idea of where you are with this person
You go and see him, wish him happy birthday and then make him delete all those types of photos that he has of you and then you tell him that you got him a birthday present and that he can have it now and then when he says yes, you tell him that you are over for good and that you hope that he never ever forgets his birthday and then you leave and never ever get back with him again
What he did is probably the worst thing that a partner could ever do to to their partner, it’s even worse than them cheating on you. He has broken your trust and faith in him with showing people the most inner private thing that you have which is your body, not only that he has shared it and shown it to people that you know, that are all in your social group and worst of all is that they are all males.
The fact that he was drinking alcohol and that he was clearly drunk as hell at the time that he did this is not relevant at all. It isn’t even something that needs to be considered, just because he is drunk when they do something inappropriate or wrong it doesn’t mean that it is a get out of jail free card that you can blame the alcohol for something that you have done and not yourself.
The fact is that he has broken your trust now in the most horrific way and you can no longer trust him as a partner now or ever
You did absolutely nothing wrong. Your boyfriend should NEVER have done that without your consent. Imo that’s unforgivable.
I wouldn’t be worried about causing an argument on his birthday because if it were me, I’d be walking out and never speaking to him again. OP he doesn’t respect you and you deserve better. I’m sorry this happened to you.
Honestly, you need to ask permission to PERSONALLY, go through his phone and delete each and every photo you’ve ever sent him or that he’s taken. Do this PRIOR to breaking up with him. He clearly can’t be trusted. I could be drunk as all shit and there’s no way I’d be sharing pics of my GF/wife.
You’re not overreacting. If you showed all your friends a picture of his penis, he’d lose his shit. Lots of guys(though not all) do shitty things like this. Avoid them. Not every dude deserves the privilege of your physical intimacy.
Dealbreaker.
This guy broke the law and all the ethics and the morals. I don’t care where you live this is a whole huge set of disgusting violations. I feel like he’s priming you for gangbangs and if you’re not into that you might want get the hell out.
Red flag 🚩
So if he brazenly does this in front of you then what the fuck does he show & tell when you aren’t around?
Consent & trust are integral to a healthy relationship. If it was me I’d be giving him the 2 finger salute for his birthday as I walked out the door. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Your uncomfortable feelings aren’t an over-reaction, they are your internal alarm bells.
Good luck honey & please take care.
You don’t want to take away his day, but he was perfectly fine taking away your right to consent by doing that to you.
This is not okay, acceptable, or your fault at all.
He doesn’t respect you or your body. Leave him please.
This is a sign that he doesn’t respect you as an equal or as a human with her own bodily autonomy. He did this to laugh and joke with his friends. There is no excuse, no coming back from this. The attitudes around porn in society are a major factor in behavior like this. I dearly hope your next partner is someone who values you, your body, your boundaries, and your intimate life together.
This feels very revenge-porny but with you in the room.
No, you’re not overreacting, you’re undereacting. React to this with a breakup.