im 16, he just turned 19 (age of consent is 15 where i live). we’ve been together for 10 months now. even tho we have an age gap we are a very good match, we both think we are each others persons. he never pressures me into anything, always makes sure im okay with wherever were going, whatever were doing. we have a very healthy relationship. my parents like him, his siblings and mom like me a lot too. but i still cant sleep at his house YET (even tho my mom let me go on a 4 day trip with him a few months ago, i slept at his house a week ago because he was doing a party) because my mom is kinda strict when it comes to that stuff. he started telling me that he has his needs (which are sleeping at each others houses and going out for the whole night) and started questioning our relationship out of a sudden. he was ugly crying when he was telling me about this and told me that he doesnt want to break up with me because he really loves me and feels like his life without me would just be incomplete. im stressed all the time because i just fear what decision he will make eventually. i feel like im stomping on thin ice because things he mentioned are out of my control and i kinda dont get why would he want to leave a perfectly healthy relationship with the girl he loves just because i cant sleep at this house YET… i really dont know what to do
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Um you shouldn’t be with a guy that age whether the age of consent is 15 or not. Just his insistence that you sleep at his house is enough of a red flag for you to realize that and the fact that you don’t, is why you shouldn’t be dating a 19 year old in the first place
Yeah don’t do this, find someone your own age, there’s a lot of difference between the state of mind of a 16 year old and an 19 year old. Age of consent is irrelevant here, you’re not old enough for this and definitely not with someone of age 19.
> he started telling me that he has his needs (which are sleeping at each others houses and going out for the whole night)
He was saying this with a straight face? Sleeping at each others’ houses is not a NEED. Going out all night is not a NEED. Those are nice things to be able to do, sure, but when people are still young as you are, those aren’t show stoppers. You’ve been with him for 10 months and he’s done just fine so far, therefore those aren’t needs. He needs to drop the dramatic bullshit. All that’s required to make those things a reality is some time and patience.
He can’t date a 16 year old and then freak out that you have normal 16 year old rules to follow from your parents. He’s an adult dating a teenager, and he is pressuring you by making this your problem and threatening breaking up over it. If he actually cared he’d understand you’re young and he has to wait. You can’t be his person but also he wants to share a bed with you this second or he’s leaving.
I’m going to echo what everyone else has said here that there is no reason a 19 year old should be dating a 16 year old regardless of any age of consent laws. He is dating you because you’re easy for him to control due to your age.
Second,
*and started questioning our relationship out of a sudden. he was ugly crying when he was telling me about this and told me that he doesnt want to break up with me because he really loves me and feels like his life without me would just be incomplete. im stressed all the time because i just fear what decision he will make eventually.*
This is manipulation. He is trying guilt you into doing what he wants by threatening to break up with you and using your feelings for him against you. A relationship should not leave you feeling stressed all the time – this is not a perfectly healthy relationship if it makes you feel that way.
Also the fact he wants you to sleep at his house is not innocent. I know he doesn’t press your boundaries but he’s lulling you into a false sense of security. He wants you somewhere alone with him, isolated from your family so he can take advantage of you. OP, I’m begging you to listen to people here telling you this is dangerous, he is dangerous.
He’s pressuring you into sleeping with him, pretty much. That’s why a lot of people are skeptical of age differences like this, because that’s what very often happens.
He’s being sneaky and manipulative so that he will get what he wants. And you being young and kinda naive about people’s intentions and motivations, are more likely to fall for it. You haven’t seen and learned how petty and selfish people can be, and how good they are at pretending being a good caring person as long as they think they will get what they want.
But your bf is finding out sex is unlikely, so he needs to turn things up a notch to get what he wants. So he threatens to break up with you unless you do what he wants- sleep over. Which he is thinking will lead to sex. Expect him acting horrible when you say you’re not ready to have sex when sleeping over. At that point he will start getting really insufferable.
Ugly crying because he doesn’t want to break up with you and feels as if his life would be incomplete without you.
Oof. That is A LOT of pressure to put on someone who is only 16.
You, and he, are young. You’re 16, still in high school/your country’s equivalent to high school. He is pressuring you about something that is out of your control. That is NOT healthy.
Why are you giving him all the power? You fear his decision – what about yours? Why are you not making choices that are healthy for *you*?
My internet friend, this is not a healthy relationship. He is being manipulative. This is not the relationship you want for the long haul.
Take a step back. Really and truly think about this relationship. Talk with a therapist to aid you in making a decision. Take a break from the relationship and experience life as a 16 year old kid.
Yeah a lot of 16 year old’s parents wouldnt let them sleep at their significant other houses. If he wants someone that can sleep over, then he should go for girls that arent in high school.
A man who refers to his sexual desires as ‘needs’ 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩