My(26m) BF and (22f) I are in an argument right now and I don’t think he is being reasonable. We have been together 18 months.
We went out with some friends last weekend. Everyone was having a great time then this guy showed up and recognized me. He was a guy I used to sleep with/date when I was younger. He hung out with us for a while and everyone seemed to like him and have a good time.
Until we got to the car, bf started interrogating me about him and was clearly pissed off. I told him as soon as he asked that we used to date. I couldn’t tell bf as soon as he walked up. That would be weird. I thought they really hit it off, but as soon as we got in the car he was furious. Asked why I didn’t tell him, if I had his number. Asked if he told me he was coming! Asked if he follows me on any social media. Thought there was flirting and asked why I didn’t make an excuse to leave.I haven’t spoken to this guy in years. I think he is making a much bigger deal of this then it has to be. We had a huge argument when we got home. He threw a picture frame when we got home. I think most of the argument was the alcohol, but he is still acting weird and is upset with me.
I was a virgin until I was 18 and then slept around a little bit. I don’t even know why, didn’t enjoy most of it. It felt like something I was supposed to do. I realized I hated sleeping with random guys and it always made me feel like shit. Now I feel super guilty all over again. BUT my boyfriend has had sex with way more people then I have so I think it’s hypocritical and based on pure emotion. He apologized for the big fight and picture frame, but still thinks he is right and that he shouldn’t have to be around people I have been with. I would understand if I invited this guy over to our house but I didn’t? I’m so sick of fighting and passive aggressiveness. I’m so stressed out and don’t think it’s cool to get mad at me for something wrong years ago.
TLDR; boyfriend is mad at me because we ran into a guy I used to date
11 comments
I think if I came across an ex, I would have said hi and bye. Not party with them. You should end this though, don’t date people who break shit in arguments. His reaction was over the top.
We all just talked for a while
I think your boyfriend needs to grow up.
Just because this guy is your ex doesnt mean you cant be friendly/friends.
You didnt invite the guy out. What were you supposed to? Act like he didnt exist?
That’s what I’m saying. I don’t get it at all.
It’s so out of touch to expect you to deal with exes in such a drastic way without discussing and agreeing on that beforehand. I would probe to get a better idea about what his expectations in relationships and around jealousy actually are. If they’re all this unhinged he might be a really risky partner.
To get that angry means he thinks this is just relationship 101 to idk, cold shoulder exes, or evacuate at sight of one. Or just as bad, he knows it’s a personal preference you couldnt have known about, and chose to fly off the handle at you anyway.
I’ve had many exes with unspoken rules like this I found bizarre (like you can’t be alone with guy friends) I’d get punished for not knowing, and if I could go back I’d break up with them all sooner. He has a jealousy problem and that is for him to deal with.
Reverse the situation and you would have been the same way , felt the same way, everything! Go lightly and answer his questions . It should be no big deal to answer them or not get mad. I’m sure that there will come a time when the same thing happens to him ! Whether or not a man or woman admit it , it’s jealousy.
HUGE red flag. Violent and angry and sexually possessive? Throwing things? Jealousy is one thing, actually believing he owns you is another.
You did nothing wrong. Your boyfriend is acting absolutely psycho, and physical violence is never acceptable. Throwing things is violence. It’s intimidation.
Your boyfriend is 100% in the wrong and owes you an unreserved apology. If he’s maintaining that he was right to be mad at you, he’s trash.
And this guy gets to judge you why?
Why would you feel bad about your past? It showed you what was important to you.
I find it very unsettling that he is angry – besides the hypocrisy of it – you are not damaged goods.
I think you’re both wrong! He’s easy, getting violent, obsessive, and aggressive the second you’re alone with him is an incredibly bad sign. He was able to play nice until there were no witnesses.
For you, I’ll give you benefit of the doubt that you weren’t flirting, but considering your bf clocked the history, you probably were overly familiar. I would be upset to find out that a guy I was just buddying up with was actually my girlfriend’s ex. I’ve been in similar situations before, and my girlfriend just took me aside and let me know “btw that’s an ex of mine”, I don’t understand why you think that would’ve been weird. You didn’t tell him, he had to ask.
For Christ’s sake, all you did was chat with the guy. What were you supposed to do, pretend that he didn’t exist? Your boyfriend is acting controlling and pathologically jealous. You should dump him.