Do I tell my slightly homophobic parents that I am gay?

Hello all

I am 27, and I live with my parents; I have done so since my fiance of nine years dumped me in June (fell out of love, didn’t like me anymore, and changed his mind about children). I accidentally dated another guy after quickly after that first relationship ended (he thought an animal getting hurt was funny). I have decided to stay single for a while and take some time to get over the drastic life changes I have gone through in the last few months. Towards the end of my first relationship, I started to daydream about the future that I wanted, and I realised that men weren’t a part of it. At the time, I thought this had nothing to do with my sexuality and everything to do with the distance my partner was putting between the two of us. When I was with the second guy, I really enjoyed talking to him, but I felt almost nothing when we kissed. I just thought I was a bad kisser. Then I realised I felt nothing when kissing my first partner. I thought this was normal, as I had been with men for so long and hadn’t had a lot of time to think about other options.

I am now fairly sure that it isn’t the male population’s fault that I like talking to them but want nothing more than that. I am fairly sure that is an indicator of me not being into men as a whole. Each time I think of my ideal future, a real fantasy, I imagine a stable job, my own place, seeing friends, and a female partner. When I have used dating apps in the past, the appearance of the guys never fussed me at all; I didn’t even look and just read their bios. I changed the setting, and I am looking at women’s profiles in full. I realised that all of my high school crushes were women. Funny side notes: when I was with my first partner, my neighbour asked me if I was gay and settling for him. Apparently, I wasn’t subtle about something I didn’t even know.

My parents are happy to have me stay here, as I am able to help everyone out with caring for my grandparents, and with the cost of living going up and me being a graduate student, they just want me to stay with them and save up as much money as I can. They are incredibly supportive, and I couldn’t be happier living in a home where I am genuinely loved. My parents have always been slightly homophobic; they have acquaintances who are gay and never say anything bad about them at all, and are quite friendly to them in person; however, when there is a news story about LGBTQ+ rights, and conversations ensue, it is clear that same-sex relationships make them feel nauseous, or slightly disgusted.

I tested the waters with mum, and she was horrified by the thought of me dating women. I have dropped hints over the last few months, and she seems to be softening. She asked me why and I said, “I don’t find men attractive.”
She asked, “is that really important?”
I would say that it is a fairly big part of a relationship; otherwise, you just have a friendship. Today I brought it up again as part of another conversation, and she asked, “why would I even think of dating women in the future?”
I asked her: “When you were in your teens and really twenties, and you imagined your future, did you imagine it with a man.”
“Of course I did.”
“I never have.”
“Then why were you with your ex for nine years?”
“He was stable and encouraged me to do the things I wanted to do but needed a little push to accomplish. I could imagine a future with him because he was stable.”
She seemed to understand it a little better then; however, when I asked, “am I going to get disowned by both of you?”
She said: “I don’t know.”

Fuck.

I talked to dad when I was in my teens and asked what he would do if my older brother came out as gay, and he said, “I would be disappointed because, you know, he’s my son, but I’d still love him.” Which is really unstable footing from where I stand. Although we talked about teachers dating students and why it was wrong even when the student was 18 (we talk about a lot of stuff) and he told me how he dated his maths teacher when he was 17, and she was 22 (she stopped being his teacher the month before) and he saw that as fine. I mentioned that I also had a crush on my German teacher “exactly, it happens.” he said triumphantly.
“She was really cute.”
He gave me an amused but disappointed look (the same one he does when I say something stupid or a joke that has fallen flat). My mother is one of those people who needs time to warm up to ideas, hence why I have drip-fed this to her over the last few months (only about three chats in total). My father deals with “problems” when they are problems, so I could get away with not talking to either of them about it until (if) I find something serious.

I don’t plan on telling mum anything else or dad anything at all until I can support myself and my grandparents don’t need the help anymore. Has anyone on this subreddit dealt with this problem or has any advice? I am very new to this and don’t know what I am doing in any respect. I am going to stay single for a while, as previously mentioned, but how on earth do you navigate all of this? Sorry for the rant.

Wholesome note: my friends have offered to move me in for free if anything goes south for any reason, and when I came out (in the car on the way back from a uni event), one said, “I think someone might be a lesbian.” “The other said I could practice kissing on her (she is straight).” The other started singing, “This woman is GAY AND EUROPEAN!” So I would say that my friend group is pretty awesome.

TL; DR : I recently worked out that I am gay, and I don’t know whether or not I should tell my slightly homophobic parents.