I (25F) messed up and need advice.

Hi I browse this subreddit a lot, first time posting.

I (25 F) recently started dating this guy (24 M). We met a little over a month ago through some friends and hung out as friends a few times before things got physical. He told me he doesn’t casually date. I had been dating casually, but cut everyone off when we crossed the line to a physical relationship, because I really like him and see the potential for a relationship. We haven’t really defined our relationship, but he has told his roommates and family about me, and has made a picture of me his phone background. He has also made it pretty clear that he likes me and wants to be with me. But since we met recently, and have had busy schedules we haven’t really been on a proper date. Basically he sleeps over at my apartment. We just talk for hours, have sex, and go to sleep.

So I saw him this past Friday night, he came over late (I work late) and he had work the next day so we just chilled, had sex, went to sleep. The next day he stopped by briefly to see me and we had sex again. Sunday we had planned a full day of activities together. I was so excited, but unfortunately he went out drinking with his friends the night before, and while they were parked (he was in the driver seat of his friend’s car) they were hit by a drunk driver, someone they had been drinking with.

I woke up at 3 am to texts from him about the accident. They were trying to negotiate with the driver (and he even suggested I call the police for them and pretend to be a random witness), but I encouraged them to call the police and work things out with insurance. He apologized, saying he would probably have to stay home tomorrow. I told him I understand. I guess I figured some of our plans would be cancelled, but maybe we could still do one of the three activities planned, but I wasn’t really thinking about it, I was just happy he was okay and figured we would talk more the next day.

The next day he FaceTimes me in the afternoon briefly. He gives me a few more details, and tells me he has to fix his fence because it got damaged in the storm. No worries. We are on the phone for like five minutes, but his roommates are talking to him the whole time (about the accident and the fence) he tells me he will call me back in a minute and we hang up. He never calls me back. He texts me around five hours later apologizing that he couldn’t go the event with me. At this point I felt sad. I also felt jealous because he posted a picture of him and his female friend that he was out with the previous night, saying she looked good. Seeing that post made me feel very jealous because him and I have yet to go out together, and all of our plans were cancelled for the day. I respond a little while later saying “It’s ok.”

Now this is where I fucked up. He didn’t respond to the message all night and I just got more and more upset over time since he didn’t call me or text me back. I live alone and we have been having bad storms lately. My power was going in and out, so admittedly I was indulging in my sadness. It got to the point where I was trying to go to sleep, but was so annoyed I couldn’t. I ended up sending him a text with an eye-rolling emoji. Then I followed up maybe an hour later saying “sorry I’m having my mood swings again.” I was kind of trying to make a joke because we had joked about it before and to apologize.

The next morning I wake up to angry texts from him explaining that he is traumatized by the accident. He said “you’re probably mad that I couldn’t hang out with you, but fuck it I decided not to go out unless I needed to. I don’t need the drama right now.” I feel really stupid because while he didn’t really explain that was the reason he cancelled (I thought it was lack of sleep and needing to fix the fence) I should have figured he was freaked out and put his feelings into consideration over my disappointment and neediness. I tried to explain myself but he read the messages and ignored. I followed up with “I feel really bad. I stupidly didn’t realize how badly this was affecting you. I really wasn’t trying to start drama. I thought you would find it funny, but I feel stupid now. I hope we can talk soon, but I understand if you want space.” He hasn’t opened it yet.

Thank you if you have read all of this. I guess I already know that I am wrong, and should give him space. But I could use advice about how I can better explain myself and apologize fully. I know that if he had communicated just a tiny bit more this could have been avoided, but now I’m feeling that’s asking too much when he’s dealing with something very stressful. Again I feel very stupid and childish for not considering that he’s scared to be in a car. He didn’t really tell me that so I feel like it’s a misunderstanding, but I’m still kicking myself for not just being chill. I’ve had problems in past relationships being too needy, I’m trying to be better and I really regret those texts. Do you think he can forgive me? Or should I just move on?

TLDR: I got annoyed the the guy I’m seeing for ignoring me after going through a traumatizing car accident. I sent him a passive aggressive text, and followed up with a joke to try to apologize and minimize it, but he is very angry with me. I want advice on anything I can do to make things right, or to know if you think I’ve ruined things.