Ok so hear me out. I’m 20f and I’ve never been in a relationship particularly because I don’t hold low standards for a relationship. I’m not desperate to be in one and if I get into one it’s gotta be something special that’ll last. I’m not down to settle which a lot of people do bc they’re just so desperate to be in a relationship.
So basically with the way I see it, I am still human and I still get horny. So what am I supposed to do? Withhold all my sexual feelings just bc I haven’t found someone I wanna spend the rest of my life with?? Sometimes the first date turns into sex because I do the calculations in my head. I’m thinking well hey, things might not last with this person but at least I get laid. I think a lot of people who criticize others for sleeping around just have low sex drives. Maybe I’m wrong about that though idk
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I think I’m much more on the “future isn’t guaranteed so enjoy it while it lasts” part of the spectrum
your opinion is valid and so is the opinion of people who don’t want to participate in hookup culture. some people just have different morals and values and that’s perfectly fine.
As long as you’re honest with the other person about your intentions, live your best life.
I agree! Relationships are great but so is a good hookup. And I want to make sure I’ve had a chance to explore my sexuality and have some fun while I’m young.
Of course it can be, but it’s unhealthy when people have different expectations. I generally don’t do hookups because I find myself craving something more than just meaningless sex. If I just want an orgasm I just use my vibrator.
I completely agree. I myself just don’t ever want to be in a relationship. But I love and want sex. Don’t see a reason why me and another women need to be in a committed relationship to do that. As long as both parties are consenting and want to then feel free to have as much sex as you want with whoever you want.
But of course if you’re someone who wants more than that then that is just as valid as well.
All fine and good until the ‘oops’ pregnancies, ‘oops’ STDs and ‘oops he’s a psychopath, now I’m alone with him’ situations start rolling in
Don’t hold low standards but hook up culture can be healthy. That’s quite a contradiction
I agree! Relationships aren’t for everyone, and neither is hook up culture.
I think it’s definitely good to be choosey with who you hook up with. Like I personally would hold the same standards for hookups as I would with friends (basically this means I wouldn’t hook up with someone “apolitical” or conservative, etc lol). And people shouldn’t do it for validation, blah blah blah. I think if you have the right mindset, hooking up can be a good thing.
HOWEVER, if you know you get easily attached, I would advise against it lol. It happens all the time.
Everyone’s different, and should learn how hookups make them feel before they make it a regular thing. This is just my opinion. But yes I agree with you haha
I agree 100% I’ve been in long term relationships. I’ve been with my husband for 12 years now. And the sex is amazing. The physical and emotional connection is beautiful. But I’ve had sex with strangers I’d just met many times that ended up being really beautiful physical and emotional connections too. Just because you hook up with a new person or persons for just one night, doesn’t mean it can’t be a beautiful, fun, positive experience. And it kills me how broadly a double standard between sexes is believed. Nobody bats an eye when a guy hooks up. *That’s what guys like to do*. But if a woman, like myself, enjoys hooking up, it feels like everyone had an opinion on what must be the *unhealthy reason she’s engaging in this unhealthy behavior*. No. I just like fucking and I don’t appreciate anyone trying to pathologize my having casual sex.
I completely agree with you, I (M 24)am just not in the right head space for anything long term, primarily because I’m career oriented. I want to do what I love and I want to enjoy sex as much as I can, while I’m still young. I’m not looking for a soulmate but most of my friends don’t understand as they almost all married younger
Wheres this hookup culture exist lol
Yeah, no. I got no problem hooking up but i’m not gonna sit here and say its healthy so i can feel better about myself. If you’re horny then masturbate
I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with hookup culture, but I think it diminishes in overall popularity as people age for one main reason: parties involved are better able, as a consequence of greater brain development and experience, to adequately weigh the risks vs. rewards. The last time I was single I was 33. I’m a straight woman. The risk to personal safety, sexual safety, and bodily integrity given the state of abortion rights where I live is just too high to waste on a potential orgasm.
No judgment to those who feel they can safely and enjoyably participate in hookup culture. But unless I felt a connection with someone and the potential for a long term relationship, it wasn’t worth it to me. Just a slightly different perspective to consider.
U can do whatever you want. But that doesn’t mean others have to be or will be ok with what you do/did.
That’s just how life is.
Everyone has their personal preferences, but it’s most important that you do what you feel is right for yourself. Whether that’s by yourself or with someone else – [https://hellocake.com/collections/all-products?page=1](https://hellocake.com/collections/all-products?page=1)
It can be healthy when it’s balanced with “relationship culture”, for lack of a better word. These days it feels like one has been replaced with the other and neither is healthy for society solely on it’s own in my opinion.
I’m not a hookup kind of guy and so often I fucking hate it. I wish I was different and could just hook up without needing to feel something for the other person but it’s pretty much impossible for me so I can’t relate to so many other people I know who are that way or can easily switch between them. I’ve tried so many times to hook up and every time it’s either just not happened or it goes poorly for both of us.
Hookup culture *is* healthy if both parties are aware of what the expectations are (or lack thereof), and devoid of any emotional attachments.
Completely agree!! Sometimes it’s also a great outlet or way to explore what you do and don’t like in a low stakes environment. I support you!!
This isnt for or against hookups, but
>I’m not desperate to be in one and if I get into one it’s gotta be something special that’ll last.
You will never have a first relationship if you’re waiting for this. You wont know until you’re a couple years into it that you have that with someone. Take your time and do it when it feels right, but you’re not going to meet someone one day and just go ‘duh, obviously this mf right here is my soul mate’.
People shit on everything. You stay a virgin in the search of “the one” PRUDE you have casual sex or even several bf in your teens or early 20s and you are WHORE.
ALL of that is BULLSHIT. Neither is better. Neither is worse. IT is ALL about *empowerment*.
Every single person should CHOOSE what way they want to go- Casual can ease the stress of “the one” Being into serious dating can ease the stress of getting to know someone new.
whichever way it goes what is healthy is CHOICE & EMPOWERMENT
I did the same thing your age. College + job and I literally didn’t have time for job. ONS or FWB, but prefer ONS because eventually your friend wants more.
Met my last ONS 25 years ago this month. Some people can’t separate sex from feelings- that’s why there’s both.
What does hookup culture mean?
Are sexually active straights so alien that they have their own subculture?
Don’t be around people who make you feel like shit.
Also, it goes both ways. You know what they say about opinions? They’re like an arse. Everybody has one and they all stink.
I don’t hear people shitting on hookup culture but I have a sex positive social circle. I don’t have casual sex but there’s room for me too without anyone calling me a prude or indicating I have low sex drive.
I know you think this is going to sound like gatekeeping or something but… you are very young and sill ignorant and naive when compared to people that have been in hookup culture for literal decades.
Maybe what you have experienced is healthy… just remember that healthy should go both ways. Making someone feel bad for you to get your rocks off to feel healthy is not actually healthy.
communication is important. setting boundaries is important. and even if you do every single thing right, feelings get caught, callousness grows… as does pettiness and memories of hookups when you are with someone that doesnt compare that you are trying to love.
can dodging cars on the interstate be a safe way to cross the road? sure, if you make it without getting hit.
can it be done? yeah.. but not many come out without a ton of scars and more jaded than going in
Lots of people like hook up culture, that’s why it exists.
– Sometimes the first date turns into sex because I do the calculations in my head. I’m thinking well hey, things might not last with this person but at least I get laid.
Here is where the issue lies. If this is the case you probably want to be honest with the person about it before hand.
For a long time dudes have gotten a bad rep for doing exactly this to women and not telling them before hand, and the woman didn’t want a hook up, and see it as them being used. Obviously this is bad and damaging.
There’s nothing wrong with casual sex but you have to be careful not just of STDs and pregnancy, but also peoples hearts and emotions. Leading people on can cause devostating emotions and reactions.
Well ive been sexless for so long now i feel
Like a virgin. I stopped trying.
Well its proven to be bad for youre own psychology
Just stop listening to other people’s opinions and do you. Honestly that has made my life so much better. It’s my body, my sexuality, my preference. Let me do me and I let you do you. I think the problem is either side trying to force their view on others.
I don’t know if healthy is what I would call it. I think I would just call it normal. Just like not hooking up and having dates without sex is also normal. Healthy implies it is healthy for the mind body and soul which to my standards I’d disagree, but that doesn’t mean it is the same for everyone. Some people feel empty and can trigger future problems. But I still believe it’s perfectly fine, it’s just not for me.
So naive. Lol
Yes, it’s great for me. Just be safe and honest with your expectations.
Like everything in life, it should be done in moderation.
I 100% agree with you. Nothing to add, nothing to retire. You have spoken my mind. I will even screencapture your post and keep it in my case of “sensate quotations”.
> So what am I supposed to do? Withhold all my sexual feelings just bc I haven’t found someone I wanna spend the rest of my life with??
You masturbate.
Hunny, it’s 2022 and there are amazing vibrators out there that won’t give you STIs. Just saying!!
There’s nothing wrong with casual sex, make sure everyone is on the same page.
Food for thought:
[what happens when you have too much casual sex](https://psiloveyou.xyz/what-happens-to-your-brain-after-having-too-much-casual-sex-41a206c7f303)
Just beware you may not be doing your future-self any favors.
Sweetie, I am 37 and I tell you, its not that simple.
What you do is no one else’s business. As long as it’s consensual and not hurting anyone. This should be the only comment regarding hookup culture. The end.
Girl, you and I agree on this. I get so sick of slut-shaming culture telling women they should be withholding sex for some crazy long amount of time or else they’ll “never catch a man” or something. What century is this?
I *love* sex. I’ve already been married before and I don’t need to do it again unless I’m really, really sure about it. Ergo, I’m going to have sex when I want to, if the chemistry is there and we’re both into it. Life is too short to play stupid games and miss out. Besides, if someone is looking for a mate who withholds sex and doesn’t care if they get it, I can’t see us working out together. (And good luck to them with their future dead bedroom marriage)
Hookup culture is extremely healthy in exploring and finding yourself
>I think a lot of people who criticize others for sleeping around just have low sex drives.
Not true. We just choose to not let horny get the best of us. We have different morals and values that we cherish. Neither side should judge or be judged for the decisions that they make.
You’re not thinking wrong. Being horny is natural. I wish more people thought like this. I am a 24m and am in no rush to settle down. Its funny how I am looked down on for wanting to have sex but not be in a relationship.
I’m a 40f and I actually agree with not jumping into a relationship, too soon. I have raised my kids (2 boys) always telling them that they shouldn’t get into any relationships until they’re 30 years old. My oldest is 23 and he’s not had very serious relationships, yet. I’ve told him I wouldn’t even want to meet any girls he’s dating, due to not wanting to “assist” in making it any more serious than need be. That doesn’t mean I’ve expected him to be a virgin all this time, lol. I just teach him to always use condoms and to not take advantage of a woman’s feelings, so always tell them where he stands with not wanting to become too serious. That’s definitely something that a lot of people have judged me for over the years, feeling like I was being extreme… Not that it has to be 30 on the dot. I just believe we grow as individuals and definitely can throw many years away with the wrong person by committing to relationships way too young. You’re only 20 years old! Have fun and enjoy your life. Your twenties are for experimenting and developing who you are as a human. Learning things you want and don’t want in a partner. My best suggestion would be to stay protected, so you don’t have children young with someone that you don’t want to remain with and keep it clean and safe!
Still waiting to find out. Late 30’s male and have never been a part of it. Now out of a LTR and that’s all I think about. With that being said, having a hard time adapting because I don’t want to lower my standards. So a fwb is the ideal situation.
Hookup culture isn’t bad unless you’re hooking up to fill some void inside or doing it for other bad reasons. I’m aromantic and have no interest in romance, I just want a fun time and to have a healthy sex life. Hookups are perfect for me and I’m happy with my lifestyle. What’s good for some people isn’t what’s best for others and vice versa