Long story short – I love my girlfriend a lot. It’s been about a year, and some circumstances out of our control led to us spending the summer/early fall together.
She’s great, it’s great. It’s all good. We get along, have fun. But some “living together” quirks are getting to me. She snores. Loudly. I’ve since begun sleeping on the couch. She also eats often with her mouth open, making smacking noises. This leads me to usually eating with white noise on when we’re together.
I have misophonia, so these sounds are very triggering. She’s also ultra sensitive so I don’t want to press or make her feel bad. I don’t know how to explain it. Regardless, I’ve been sleeping on the couch and eating with noise on…it’s just a lot on the daily. I don’t know if it’s my problem for me to deal with, or if there’s something I can do to salvage it.
Again, we vibe well, she’s sweet, she’s super caring and kind. She checks all of my important boxes. But I can’t do the snoring and can’t do the loud eating much longer. I’m not breaking up over it, but my day to day is getting tougher. My misophonia got a bit worse in recent months, where early on I don’t think I noticed it. Either way, not sure what to do it’s becoming challenging and I’m not sure what to do, but I could use some input.
TLDR; girlfriend who lives with me eats loudly and snores loudly, making our otherwise solid relationship unpleasant
4 comments
Snoring sucks. I broke up twice because of snoring partner, I just cannot sleep, I stop functioning and enjoying life. There are so many doctors that help to fix snoring, person knows snoring bothers me, but choose to do absolutely zero – so I am not important and so I should go.
I cannot offer any advice here, unfortunately, as I haven’t yet made any snoring person to go to the doctor and fix the issue, but I do definitely understand your struggles.
>I have misophonia, so these sounds are very triggering. She’s also ultra sensitive so I don’t want to press or make her feel bad.
Oh for goodness sake, just tell her. You’ll be doing her a favour..
You need to tell her, because snoring is medically treatable. And the smacking can be eliminated if she takes some care.
She sees you constantly sleeping on the couch and putting on white noise during dinner. You need to press her and tell her how longterm this stuff is going to be a danger to your relationship. And don’t feel guilty about it. If she’s a keeper you should be able to address minor problems like this to her.
If she won’t take it seriously, ask her to do research on the subject or point her to some good sources.
Of course you should seek treatment for your misophonia if anything is available, but if these two things are the main triggers at home your partner should just deal with it. You probably run into lots of triggers when you go out, the least you can expect is a comfortable living environment at home.
please tell her you have misophonia. my boyfriend has it, and if i so much as breathed too loud i’d see him tense up. it really wore on me, and because i didn’t know what he was dealing with, i thought my presence alone was pissing him off for whatever reason.
it really made me feel bad; in fact, learning that he has misophonia made me feel a million times better. it all made sense after he opened up to me about it. i became more conscious of things that i was doing that made it worse, and i was so relieved to know that it wasn’t me that was bothering him but the sounds.
just sit her down and talk to her about it. you’ll both be better off.