I miss having a social life

as much as I hate to say this since I’m not someone who likes to relive high school years.. I miss my social life in high school. I wasn’t “popular” in high school but I had a lot of friends and shit to do all the time. many of those friendships were built around partying, substances, etc. now I’m 21, I go out to bars and clubs sometimes but my social battery is drained for like a week after. as a teen I was toxic to be around.. I would steal, lie, fight, do any drug I could get, smoke weed 24/7, etc.

I was bullied my whole childhood until I was 14 and had a rough home life. there weren’t many rules or consequences besides getting yelled at or hit. basically for the past 2 years I have reflected a lot and have been working hard to be a better person, but I struggle a lot to make friends no longer being the crazy rebellious person I once was.

my college experience has been weird with going to a CC and covid interrupting it, but I struggle to make new friendships now being at a university. I get anxious and overthink social interactions, even if someone clearly likes me I’ll convince myself they don’t and not really follow up. also in jobs I’ve had difficulties, when I was a teen I had friends at work but my last few jobs several coworkers disliked me and thought I was rude.. I’m a little reserved but still was nice to everyone.

I think my social difficulties comes down to me being too reserved nowadays and even when I try to be outgoing my friends still say I seem closed off. I want be more social and create those healthy connections different than the ones I sought out in my teen years. advice is appreciated:)