I don’t understand where this norm came from. I mean, yeah I will let someone pay for me maybe later when the relationship is stronger and we can pay for each other comfortably, but on the first date? I prefer to pay for myself.
It seems important for some people as I viewed from some online blind dates, but still don’t get it.
28 comments
I think the person who asked for the date should pay the majority the time and I think the other person shouldn’t act entitled to it or take advantage of it.
I believe the person who suggests the idea pays.
No, because a date is supposed to be two people who’re *mutually* interested in getting to know each other spending time together. Both parties have an interest in the date occurring and going well, if not then they wouldn’t have agreed to a date. Their time is no more valuable than mine and vice versa, we can both contribute towards making the date happen.
Also the “whoever asks should pay” shit doesn’t fly when in practice it’s men asking women the vast, *vast* majority of the time. That’s essentially still saying “men should pay on the first date” but disguising it so it seems a little less outdated.
It’s nice to treat someone on a date, but it shouldn’t be the expectation and it certainly shouldn’t be based on gender. If I pay this time, it’s polite to say “Thanks, I’ll get it next time!”. It shows reciprocity of interest.
i’m fine with splitting it up, or we can agree beforehand who’ll pay. no need to let something petty like a few bucks get in the way of a good time, right?
I always pay no matter what. I dont mind and its fine. Even if the date goes terrible and i need to leave early, ill still pay and politely excuse myself.
I usually just pay on the first date. It really doesn’t matter that much to me.
What about after dating for a while- who pays?
Ok so EVERYTIME I mention this I get a lot of heat for it and it’s that regardless of what, if I’m taking a girl anywhere for any reason than I’m gonna pay for her. And that’s just something that I’ve always done because I like to treat her and I like to make her feel special.
Yes. I’m the man.
The idea of the man paying for the date comes from when the female could not make her own money.
I pay because that’s the common thing, but if a girl wants to split the bill, I will appreciate her more than other ones.
I pay.
Because I can about guarantee you that I was the one who asked her out. I feel that the person who requests the date is responsible to pay for it.
But if the woman has any issues and wants to pay herself I couldn’t care less. I pay and offer to pay because I feel that is my obligation as the asker. To me it’s simple propriety.
It’s also in my sense of propriety to not push someone to do something they’re uncomfortable with. And I know many women who feel uncomfortable having a man pay for them because they feel some sort of obligation accordingly.
I in no way see that obligation but I don’t want to make them uncomfortable by refusing their simple request to let them pay for their half.
But I’ve had a woman asked me out before and in no uncertain terms I informed her since she instigated the invitation the obligation to pay is on her.
Some people would say whoever asked the other out should pay but I think that having something simple and no pressure and split it 50/50. If its drinks then buy a round each, if it’s lunch or dinner then the other pays for desert or coffee afterwards
If I ask someone on a date, I’m prepared to pay. However, to be honest, 99% of my first dates are to a bar (we end up buying each other drinks) or something low-key inexpensive fun like bowling. I tend not to do restaurants on a first date, though if I did, it wouldn’t be somewhere massively expensive, and I’d have no qualms paying.
If my date offers to split the bill or suggests that she pays next time out, then great!
If I am asked on a date, I will offer to split.
I guess I do it (pay for my date) because I’ve made the decisions about where to go and what to do. And on the flip side, I offer to pay my share of a date, when asked out, because I don’t want to be seen as a freeloader or tight with my money.
Me and my partner have an agreement, one person chooses where we eat and the other person pays for it.
Next time it’s vice versa. That works out pretty darn well
I say both should pay for their own shit for the first two dates. I believe in TRUE gender equality but am ok paying for both for a simple coffee date
I’m old school (in my 30s) and I was raised to do so. I always had.
I’ve been with my wife for over a decade now and I paid for our first date. However, she did offer to pay as well. I think the bigger issue would be if the other party didn’t even offer. I was going to pay regardless but it was awesome that she offered to. One of the many reasons we’re still together and have kids and married all these years later.
In my opinion they should at least offer to pay for half, even if you’re planning on fronting all of it.
Yes, because that’s the game and I’m more interested in winning the game than changing the rules
Depends on how you ask. If you offered to take her to dinner, you should pick her up and pay. If you ask her to grab dinner sometime, I think split. If you look, smell, and act like money- split it to see her reaction.
I always pay. I thought of it as putting a best foot forward.
Girls only paid on my bday, their “treat or surprise” etc.
Worked out pretty well. You definitely score points for doing so.
If I ask a woman out, I’ll pay.
I’ll pay, but if she offers to pay or dutch it, I’m all in
Generally I fully intend to pay.
But, if I get told it is expected or she has an entitled sense of behavior or tells me it is required, then absolutely not it is 50/50 or I’ll go eat by myself or invite someone else.
For the love of god just communicate with the person you’re going on a date with
Unless she’s running up an unreasonably expensive bill I usually just get it, but I do appreciate offers to split.
If I ask, I feel like I should pay.
I assume I am paying. If she wants to pay her share, no problem. I get that some men expect something when they pay. I’m not one of those, but if she feels more comfortable paying her share, I’ll let her feel comfortable.
Equality you pay for yours I pay for mine.