We’re married for a year or so. Each of us were single parents with kids from previous marriage. Few months ago i secretly found out that he committed adultery and got a girl pregnant.
That girl were his lover for 3 years. They broke up because the girl’s father not accepting their relationship due to significant age gap.
I didn’t confront him about this and keep things going between us the way it was. Fast forward i got pregnant a month ago. Things went well until my husband got a heart attack recently. Thank God he survived. During hospitalization, he confessed about his affair and the baby that is expected to be born in 4 months.
He can’t bring himself to order the girl to abort. Both of us were against that. The child was his responsibility. He doesn’t want the child to be born as a bastard child, therefore he asked my permission to marry her. I can see this whole situation is taking a toll on him. He doesn’t insist the marriage but he will support the child financially regardless of my decision. On the other hand he did assure me to treat us equally and is willing to make a legal agreement on that. Knowing him i know he’s capable of doing so and money isn’t an issue at all.
Out of sympathy for the innocent child and my husband’s health concern, should i accept this. Is this the right way to go?
11 comments
WTF?
Do you want to divorce so he can marry this woman?
This is a very odd situation.
Lol
If you can cope with another woman as a core wife then go ahead.
He cheated and he betrayed your trust had a long affair got her pregnant and he’s asking if he should marry his lover ? What kind of insult is that? If it was me I will grant him a divorce instead I can’t share my husband … he should take care of that child outside.
I bet he will still get her pregnant again . Some men and cheating are like 5&6
How old is this girl? By treating you equally does that mean splitting time in each house? Or all kind of staying together as a communal family?
I think the first option would be worse off for you, and possibly all the kids, especially confusing for his son from his previous marriage. And it does seem that he obviously has a strong connection with this girl if he hasn’t given her up, so even if your financially stable, I would worry for you that more and more time would be spent with her over time, and over time it might get lonely for you. And idk how old they are but its a very confusing thing to understand for all the kids (not to mention their school mates).
For the second option, I’d be more concerned about the other girl, depending on how old she is, and dealing with the stress of being pregnant in this situation, she may agree to a plan that might not be what’s best for her in the long run. If she’s young enough, it may be in her best interest to try co parenting with his support, rather than “joining” into an existing marriage and family. I think it would be easier on the kids to just all be communal in one house with an “all for one” mentality, but if down the line she decides it was the wrong choice and maybe she wants to marry someone else in a more conventional family, that would be shitty for them to understand and go through…
Good for you for taking the high route and being understandable.. but either road you take could have uncomfortable outcomes for you or the kids.
Well this is crazy. And your sympathy for a lying cheating husband is odd. IMHO neither of you should want anything to do with this guy. Let alone allow him to marry both of you.
Absolutely not. He cheated on you, got someone else pregnant and is now playing the victim because he had a heart attack?! Having a heart attack doesn’t make it okay for him to casually admit he cheated and then on top of that, ask you to marry the girl. He doesn’t have to marry the girl in order to be a father figure to the child. He can financially support the child and also be present in his/her life without marrying the child’s mother. He’s manipulating you into thinking he wants to marry again for the child’s sake when in reality, he wants to marry his lover. Why would you allow another woman to have an EQUAL right over YOUR husband? And even aside from everything, would you be okay if he spends half his time with this other woman? Has a family of his own? Spends weekends with his other wife while you’re sitting at home taking care of his child. This isn’t even something you should be considering.
He deserves his misery. All you can do is accept that he is responsible financially for his illegitimate child. The girl needs to accept responsibility also. It takes two, but he is the older party. He should have known better. I don’t know how you can stay with him, but that is your choice..
Bastard child sounds like phrase from game of thrones
Post this on r/muslimmarriage rather than this sub..
You are kind to be considering the child’s welfare, considering the situation.
Another poster suggested a different subreddit for your question. I think you might find a different range of responses there.
I am from a predominantly christian nation, and my first thought was that a divorce would be necessary. This is not the case for you; different culture, different expectations.
I just do want to reiterate that it takes a big person to consider the unborn child’s interest ahead of your own.
Do you have close female family members you could discuss with?