So I \[24M\] went on a date with someone \[26F\] I met on Bumble over the weekend. We are culturally from the same city in our home country but are currently in a different country for our careers. Because of this we had a lot of common talking points and chatted quite a bit (for hours) over the weekend before the date. (Edit: We matched on Friday, talked a lot over the weekend, and then the date was on Tuesday)
On the actual date however, I could see multiple things going wrong. A few under my control while the others I don’t really know how to work on.
I was quite a bit stiff and I might have acted like I was just meeting a friend rather than being on a date. That was mostly due to lack of practice (this was my first date ever). I felt that the conversations were a bit more easy flowing over text before the date.
The thing however that bothered me (and this was something she pointed out) was that I wasn’t really chatty at all and it was mostly her talking about things. Now this is where I don’t know what to do. I am a very good listener but I just don’t know how to start new threads of conversations. Once she started a thread I could carry her on for over half an hour by just asking more questions about it and channeling her towards telling me more about that thing. The date lasted for roughly 3 hours so clearly I could do that. But when a thread ended and there was silence, she had to start things off because I just didn’t know what to ask. That also made me feel like I wasn’t an interesting person because I didn’t have crazy anecdotes like her.
And I have noticed this with friends as well but with friends you kind of know what is happening in their life so it is easier to just come up with something new to talk about.
I guess there was also the fact that I dropped a few crumbs here and there about my interests that she didn’t really pick up on and ask me about it, but that I don’t care. That is not something I need to work on.
So in the end after this long wall of text, **how do I start new (and interesting) threads of conversations when there is silence? And how do I make myself sound interesting based on the experiences I have had, and in a sense sell them?**
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Just my personal advice by what a therapist told me years ago, something that has helped me become chatty-
People love to talk about themselves. Just ask her questions about herself. Ask what you want to know without being too personal. Interject when appropriate and hopefully she reciprocates and asks you questions.