I (21M) am currently in an LDR relationship with my girlfriend (20F). I love her so much and she loves me too, and we would really love to keep our relationship monogamous.

The thing is long time ago, I used to be an avid viewer of pornography, and after a while i started watching “cheating” or “cuckhold” pornography. After meeting my girlfriend, I try to stop watching porn all together because, well frankly I’m sexually happy with her. We both turn each other on, and we always talk about the things we want to do together.

A few days ago, I was super stressed with work so i was super tired. For context, before my relationship i often watched porn and masturbated in order to relieve my stress. Then suddenly a thought popped into my mind of my girlfriend having intercourse with another man. This thought immediately made me super ashamed and hateful of myself, because i was (shamefully) turned on. I also hated this because i know that my girlfriend is only horny towards me, and that this sexual fantasy of mine might ruin this relationship i so cherish.

For the record, i WILL NEVER want this type of lifestyle this fantasy entails. I just hate that I’m turned on from it. I searched online about the difference between online fantasies and reality, and it mentioned that these were two separate things, and that even though I’m turned on from it i won’t necessarily want it to happen in real life. I’m just scared that I’m having these fantasies. I love my girlfriend a lot, and i don’t want these thoughts to grow and manifest into something worse.

Should i quit porn? Is this all because of my history of porn addiction?

I understand i may need professional help, but as someone who’s new to the sex scene, is there any help for me and advice? thank you all <3

7 comments

  1. Why are you so scared of those thoughts? As you mentioned if you fantasise about something it doesn’t mean that you would like to do it in real life. Also, the kind of porn you watch doesn’t define you actual sexual life. Many straight girls like lesbian porn, for example. I honestly don’t see any problem here. However, porn addiction is a different kind of problem and if it affects your real sex life you should consider cutting it off (or significantly reduce)

  2. If you’re addicted to porn, that’s something to get help for.

    As for fantasies, that’s fine! In the world of your imagination, you control everything and no-one gets hurt so don’t feel bad about enjoying it. You can enjoy it, but it doesn’t mean you want it in real life with all the problems it would cause.

  4. So there is literally nothing wrong with this fantasy and is actually pretty popular fantasy among both men and women. Fantasies are normal and a safe way to explore your sexuality. You do not ever have to pursue and you can just keep it in your head.

    I believe 50% of hetero men have a voyeuristic cuckolding fantasy (watching their partner with another person)

    40% of hetero women had exhibitionist cuckolding fantasy (having sex with another person while partner watches)

    So not only is this fantasy common it is also complimentary between heterosexual couples. Almost 1 out of 2 people have this fantasy. Let that sink in.

    Now if your are distraught about having a porn addiction I say put porn block on all your devices. And do your best to think about other fantasies that you have of your partner.

    But don’t freak out. You are totally normal

    I have a source of the statistics if you need it.

  5. You don’t have a history of porn addiction. Its a myth which has been debunked by science. Turns out its disinformation pushed by religious wackos with deeply sex negative puritanical views. In addition to showing porn isn’t addictive other studies show a near 100% correlation with being religious and reporting issues with porn.

    You are a normal dude who jerked off to porn when you weren’t getting laid because shocker, you have a sex drive and needs.

    Also you might want to look into some of the newer studies on porn and kinks/tastes. Studies now show it can help people uncover and explore aspects of their sexuality they might not have realized were there. This is likely what happened with you. There is nothing wrong with it. Don’t beat yourself up for having turn-ons. There is nothing wrong with being turned on by the idea of your partner with someone else. Tons of people enjoy non-monogamy, swinging, and even cuckoldry quite happily without ruining their relationships. There is nothing shameful about it at all. What if it manifests and grows into something wonderful?

    Moreover, you can have fantasies without them impacting your relationship. Fantasies can just stay fantasies without mentally abusing yourself for having them.

    You need to spend some serious time asking yourself why you find this shameful or why you hate it so much when it clearly turns you on and why you are in such deep denial. That is not healthy and its your real problem. Therapy would probably help a lot.

    Do yourself a favour and listen to this Episode of Factually! which features one of the top, if not the top researcher and clinician studying this stuff in the US.

    [https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/myth-sex-addiction-science-sex-nicole-prause/id1463460577?i=1000468064663](https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/myth-sex-addiction-science-sex-nicole-prause/id1463460577?i=1000468064663)

  7. Maybe dig a little deeper.
    Whats the hottest part of it for you, is it imagining your girlfriend in pleasure? Seeing her from afar or a different angle?

    Or is there a negitive emotion tied to it? Do you have difficulty imagining your body or do you have any insecurities?

    I sometimes imagine stuff I’d never actually want to do bc of the extreme emotion attached to it that is exaggerated in the fantasy. Do i actually want to have group sex? No. Would being so attractive that multiple men would want to fuck me be awesome? Ya thats the root of the fantasy, being irresistible to multiple people. Its how the fantasy makes you feel that hooks you.

    Do you feel like your gf is so hot that obviously other men would want to fuck her? Do you want to see her in a “sluttier” way? Try tweaking the fantasy next time if you cant quit cold turkey.

    And of course a therapist can help you with porn addiction or intrusive thoughts and overal relationship help if that is what you want.

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like