I’ve noticed that many men, especially on Reddit where you’re protected by anonymity, blame feminism for a lot of men’s dating woes. Can someone explain to me why that is? On the surface, it seems to me that feminism should/would be inconsequential when it comes to a guy’s chances with a particular woman, but I don’t know others’ experiences. It just seems like an excuse to me. If anyone has any perspective or thoughts, feel free to share.
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In my experience its one of two reasons that very rarely happen at the same time. Either its a guy who is a misogynist who doesn’t like a woman who can act independently of him or isn’t just fawning over him the moment he walks in the door. Or its a woman who is a self proclaimed feminist but doesn’t know exactly what that means and is really just someone who believes themselves to be automatically above all men. Either side will see that from the other and blame all men or all feminists and now there’s men blaming feminism for being single and women blaming all men for not being man enough for being single when really people just don’t know how to communicate respectfully and without arrogance.
Feminism led to women having equal rights and women are now the majority of breadwinners in America even though we just got the right to equal pay in the 70s. We can make our own money, buy our own homes (single women in their 20s are more likely to be home OWNERS than single men in their 20s), have our own car, take care of ourselves, etc. Men are no longer a necessity; 200 years ago people were marrying purely for financials and in the 50s people were more commonly marrying for LOVE. Wouldn’t men think that women marrying for love and not finances is a good thing? Yes and no. Men now have to provide more than a paycheck, they have to be likable to women, they have to be kind, have a personality, and good looks are now something women have the privilege of wanting in men.
I think a huge reason is because there are a lot of men who want a “traditional” relationship–the man is the breadwinner and the woman is the doting wife that takes care of the house and children. Men in that mindset do not want a woman who can financially support herself.
I think it’s a sign of someone that is incredibly insecure and is unwilling to connect with a woman beyond physicality, so he relies on power dynamics. It’s gross, but if there are men who want traditional relationships, I’m sure there are women who want to be a “traditional wife”. Let them be together I guess.
41 M, and perpetually single at that. I’m not sure I’d blame feminism in full. I think that there are some aspects of that which have changed the dating experience, but I wouldn’t say it’s the only thing. I’d “blame” social media and online dating more than feminism.
Having said that, one issue I’m having in a would-be relationship is that she feels I spend too much money on her (and her kids). In my world, the man’s a provider. I love her and I love her kids; so I want them to see that they’d all be in a good situation with me being a part of their life. That’s literally the only way I know how. I was raised to take care of a woman, and I love this particular one with everything I have.
However after she told me this, I did some reading. And it’s come to my attention that some women resent men paying. They see it as a power move. That really shocks me, and I can’t say that I’m “okay with it.” I see it as chivalry. But many see it as trying to get them into bed. Fact is I would never do that. But deeper than that, according to contemporary people it sends a bad message. Because it tells the woman you’re putting them on a pedestal, and apparently feminists don’t want that. They want equality, not superiority. So in their eyes me putting them on a pedestal sends a message that I’m not all I’m cracked up to be. If they’re higher than me, they obviously think they can do better.
So that might be one way feminism has changed things. But it’s all still foreign to me. In my world I’m paying for you because I love you, and I want you to have a nice meal. But I guess I need to change with the times.
Feminism basically let women be more choosy. Before feminism you had to get married to own a house, have a credit card, basically to live. Feminism got rid of a lot of that so a woman didn’t have to get married to the first man she could tolerate because she could get life stuff taken care of on her own. Some guys will conflate that to mean women are more shallow now, but it’s really just women can now take their time and actually find what they’re looking for because they aren’t dependent anymore. And unfortunately that means it’s guys out here not getting picked, and they’re blaming the ladies for it
Women are working, independent, and making real money now thanks to feminism, which is a great thing. However a good chunk of these women on dating apps want someone on their level or above and do not want to be the primary breadwinner. Which means with the average salary of a 24-35 yearold male in America being 50,700 or so alot of guys get left behind. This is of course not ALL women, my partner makes more than me and is the primary breadwinner of our household. Of course the like 75-25 male to female average ratio on dating sites explains a lot as well. And incels will be incels lol.
I would say feminism has made men struggle with it. Men believe feminism is that women are in control and abuse and control men, because that’s what a misogynistic society currently does to women when men are in power. In reality, it just means that women are respected and represented equally to men.
Feminism is likely just a mislabel.
The vibe I get from some women, as a 6′ 4″ white cis male, is that I’m inherently guilty of something. It’s very hard to feel comfortable when you get the sense that you’re walking on eggshells. This isn’t universal though and it’s usually born out of some insecurity on her part.
Unfortunately, that feeling also undermines your confidence, so it makes dating very difficult.
The solution of course is to pay attention to how she makes YOU feel. Over time, I’ve learned that if someone gives me that impression, I should trust my gut and move on because that’s something for her to figure out, not me.
I think the wide range of answers here shows already the issue.
Feminism is a wide wide spectrum. Just saying “feminism” barely describes anything. For one woman it could mean “we want men and women doing the same job to be paid the same”, then for the next it could be “all men are scum etc”.
Many have pointed out women being more choosy, and even defending it, higher standards are golden right? But then there is also the massive inflation of unrealistic expectations. Women have always been more picky, that’s why most people have double the amount of female ancestors, but the gap between who gets to date and who doesn’t for men is getting even larger and elements of feminism are pretty much cool with that, in fact they actively encourage it, I’ve heard women on podcasts actively telling women they are better off alone. But again, as a guy you can’t just blame feminism for that, as it is such a broad spectrum.
I think the majority of the women I have dated in my adult life have been feminists. I hate traditional gender roles, I tend to not go for women that are into them, and I tend to not be successful on the rare occasion that I do. I don’t think I’ve ever had any issues that I think could be honestly attributed to feminism. Men have dating woes for sure, but so do women. I think maybe both men and women could be a little more empathetic to the struggles of the other side. Dating isn’t easy for anyone. That said, I don’t believe feminism is what is giving these men a hard time dating, but it’s easier to point outward than to look at your own behavior and personality flaws. Especially when we as a society do not provide people adequate tools with which to do this, and actively stigmatize men especially from utilizing things like therapy.
It seems like an excuse because it is, a lot of men blame feminism so they don’t have to take accountability and accept that they just actually aren’t that great
Most men were born to women who lacked agency in their choices of mates. Now that women are starting to gain agency, these men feel insecure about their prospects. Rather simple really.
It’s a mix of a lot of things, feminism being one. It’s mainly the hypocrisy of many women, which they learned from brainwashing in Academia and Media. The expectations many women have, while reciprocating very little in return, has forced men to tap out of dating in general.
I’ve noticed I’ve never met feminist that could live And stand by their ideals with double standards. I personally do not respect people who cant practice what they preach
Meh I wouldn’t worry about it. Reddit isn’t representative of the real world. I’ve thus far noticed that a lot of dudes on Reddit lack social knowledge and wisdom. There’s probably something about the nature of the community that draws those sorts of people. Yes definitely an excuse by men who aren’t happy with their lives, easier to blame others than look inside and work on self improvement.
A few years back when women had to get a family males signature to purchase land and a few other bullshit reasons, I would totally 100% back feminism… but today I’m 100% against modern day feminism, their gender pay gap is the biggest fraud I’ve ever seen, they talk about body shaming and I get that to a point but then they expect men to want to date a girl that is so fat she basically has 6 boobs, because otherwise that would be discrimination, among other issues, when I went to uni it was far worse… and in the words of milo “feminism is cancer” and Ben Shapiro he constantly debunks feminism with facts that he references unlike most feminism points … I will not date girls that identify as feminists, I have no tolerance for sexism in any of its forms..
Women want equality and some men are threatened by that.
“Feminism” = current woke gender feminist cultural movement, not equal rights movement.
Fear of doing something wrong that will ruin their lives.
Being required to be feminine but then being rejected for femininity.
Men trying to do what woke gender feminists want from men have to be so oversensitive to microaggressions, offending anyone, being creepy, crossing boundaries that nobody can know exists, triggering people, objectifying or sexualizing, getting verbal consent, that firstly they are basically paralyzed and can’t move forward with anything at all concerning dating, and secondly, this behavior is actually not something women are attracted to: it’s the opposite of confidence
It’s hard to date a person who blames you for everything wrong and evil in this world.
Okay thought guys liked it bc it meant they might not have to pay lol
Feminism is honestly so toxic. It’s a bunch of men hating, abortion loving, awfulness. Feminists claim they want equality but in reality they want to make themselves greater and men lesser. Our world was better when marriage was the most important thing for women. And that’s coming from a woman.
Eh some guys definitely use it as an excuse because they can’t talk to women. However in my opinion and I’ve dated a fair amount of feminists & bisexual/Pansexual women. I always found it weird how people were obsessed with labeling themselves, have no problem with pronouns but when I start hearing “cis male” it kind of gives me the ick
Feminism definitely makes the male dating experience more difficult. When women were basically chattel, you could buy a bride, if you had a good relationship with her father. With the increase in women’s collective autonomy, came the increase in standards for suitors. Men have to have more than money nowadays; thanks to these darn feminists, men actually have to treat women like people and be appealing enough to be accepted as a suitor.
Feminism basically tells to all woman that the yare great and should be entitled, however they may look like or whatever personality they have. This mentality poisions relationships
There is a certain radical minority that is hostile to men, sometimes openly hostile. To that crowd, I am no better than Harvey Weinstein. I’m just another predator to them, so anything I say and do can fall under creepy or misconduct if she perceives I am flirting or being too friendly.
Most women are not like this, but there are a significant number out there who are this way. Chances are if you approach enough women, you will encounter one or group of them.
#Metoo has killed most cold approaches which is a good thing. It also made guys less likely to approach even when the woman has been straight up eye f*cking him for the last hour. Guys simply don’t trust any hints or signals women are sending except the signals to leave women alone. Women don’t want men to approach at all is now the baseline assumption for many, many men.
Another thing that has changed is technology has made the cost of getting it wrong potentially exponentially bad. If I tried to talk to a girl and she is not interested, politely moving on was easy. Except in a small town or in school, I was anonymous, I could take small risks because the worst that could happen was getting rejected. Today, social media can make one famous for all the wrong reasons real quick, the kind of fame that will cost you jobs, business, friends and family. The narrative put out there will not be ‘he was sweet but not my type’. No, it will be: ‘he made me uncomfortable’ or ‘he was creepy’ etc… no matter what I said or did.
Then there are plain old abusive relationships. If I am abusing her, I’m the problem obviously. In today’s world, if she is abusing, I’m the problem, I learned that lesson the hard way. Modern feminism has put out the message, all men are abusers, I’m the greater threat and in the wrong regardless of who is actually doing the abusing.