This was a topic I was recently discussing with a friend. While we agreed that people shouldn’t care about their partner’s bodycount, and especially shouldn’t judge them by it, I said I thought it was fair for lovers to know about their SO’s past if they’ve done things that most people haven’t experienced.
For instance, I don’t care how many people my partner has been with, but I would want to know if they ever participated in threesomes, orgies, or same sex relationships. Mainly because it’s interesting and gives me an insight into how they explored their sexuality and their level of adventurousness.
Similar to if you started dating someone and they had been skydiving, or base jumping, or deep sea diving. These are things that would tell me they’re an adventurous person who likes to take risks. Even if they didn’t do this kind of stuff now, it would still be good to know what type of person they used to be, and it would be interesting to know why they don’t want to do that stuff anymore.
My friend said that anything around sexual past is off-limits, and I agreed that while a person has the right to ask anything, the other person always has the right to refuse to answer. But I would personally want to know about sexual experience outliers. What do you all think?
9 comments
You can ask, but it’s not your business.
Im not so worried about body count but I would like to know if they have participated in anything particularly risky as I can gauge their STI risk tolerance and if it matches mine.
For example barebacking with multiple partners like in orgies or sex parties. There’s nothing inhertitly wrong with that if that’s what you want to do, it’s just not something I would be comfortable with knowing my partner has done.
That would be trouble, for me personally. For example, the only fantasy I have is a threesome. If my SO (I’m single now, but hypothetically) had one before, but wouldn’t have one now with me (her choice, obviously), it would definitely impact the relationship, if not end it completely. Don’t ask, don’t tell is my position. I don’t ask questions I don’t wanna hear the answers to, but everyone is different.
It doesn’t really matter what you want to know. It’s their business. If they want to share with you, they can – but there is zero obligation to do so.
I don’t care about “body counts” but I do love to know what things partners have learned about themselves and sexuality in general from notable past experiences. It’s not something I’d ask out of the blue and not something I’d be specific about but I always try to encourage an atmosphere of “I’m down to know sexy things in your past.” It helps me understand them better and can often give me insight into things they need or like that they don’t realize. I feel like it’s healthy discourse and introspection each of us to share good experiences and instances of personal growth with our partners. And honestly, it can be super hot to see a partner get excited about memorable sexy times and can inspire them to want to be saucy to make new sexy memories; especially when I show how excepting and enthusiastic about their experiences, attitudes, and kinks.
>I thought it was fair for lovers to know about their SO’s past if they’ve done things that most people haven’t experienced.
Hard disagree. It’s not about fair.
I am exceedingly nosy so would absolutely wish to hear about nontypical sexcapades, if my partner/friend/stranger in a pub is happy sharing the story with me. I’m not about to go and ask for no reason though.
My wife after five years of us being married became bi-curious. About a year and half later she met a very nice woman who is married to a man also. After much discussion about the girls “getting together” I agreed as long as they got together in my house.
It’s everybody’s right if the relationship is getting serious, or will ever reach a point of children shared between the two of you.
Everyone has a history, but why feel the need to hide it?
If I were looking to breed with and create a family dynamic, the LAST thing I want is a drunk drug taking party girl that has no impulse control, potentially makes poor choices doing bareback sex with strangers as the mother of my children.
Just as most women looking at prospective males to breed and father children, it’s not and never body count. It’s finances, career, ambition etc.
Men look at how big the body count is, women tend to look at how big the dollar count is.
In my opinion partners should be completely transparent with each other about everything. Even if people say they don’t care. It’s bound to come up