Okay, so this was not today. My gf (21f) and I (27m) have been talking for over a month, we really like each other. We both treat each other really well, and we’ve both had bad dating experiences.
Our relationship feels healthy, when I’m at my low points, she calms me down, she gives me extra love and let’s me know everything will be okay. When her anxiety builds up, I talk her through it, help her break down the things causing her anxiety. Make it more manageable for both of us. We both have our problems we work on, and we help each other with our burdens.
I always try to treat her with love and respect. Sex has always been a problem for her, very selfish partners in her past. I am a very unselfish lover, I prefer a relationship when we communicate and take care of each other’s needs, both sexually and emotionally.
We’ve been easing into sexual things, like passionately making out, or the ole bump and grind if we are cuddling, but we’ve not had sex. She is smaller than me, I’m over double her weight, but I’m a foot taller as well. I have a large frame, and she has a small frame, neither of us is over or underweight by a super significant margin.
We recently tried to have sex, I ate her out before hand, hoping to make her feel a bit more at ease. When she told me to try, you know, I just couldn’t seem to fit at all. It would just hurt her so I’d immediately stop. So I suggested maybe she try from up top. She got on top and tried, asked me if it was in, and I genuinely couldn’t tell. It just felt like I was pressed up against her, not actually in.
After we decided to give up, she told me that she has a small vagina, and that in the past, her partners would just be selfish and sex would always be painful, my stomach churned and I felt angry and sad. I apologized to her, and told her I want things to be different for us.
So here I am asking strangers over the internet for help. What can I do to help her? Is there anything I can do? I want us both to have a good time, and I never want to hurt her, in anyway. I just don’t know, how to help.
Tldr; gf and I tried to have sex, didn’t work, she told me something sad and I want to help, but don’t know how.
3 comments
Get some good lube and have fun.
In addition to the lube recommended by /u/Handknitmittens, consider there may be other issues going on here. For example, vaginismus (involuntary tightening of the vaginal muscles) which could be a trauma response to her past partners. Rather than going straight to PIV intimacy next time she’s willing to try, start with a finger insertion. Maybe get a dildo or vibrator and move up to that. Work your way up to full intimacy.
I was just like your GF at the beginning of my relationship with my now husband. Things that helped me:
1- lube.
2- make sure she’s relaxed before, for me it was a back massage or something like that.
3- take it slow and easy. Find out what feels good to her. Focus on that.
4- specifically for her, pelvic floor therapy. A physical therapist who is trained can actually help with the muscles of the vagina so that sex is more enjoyable. And (in my experience) give tips for the mental aspect (as in expecting the pain) and what to do to combat it. I’m not lying when I say it changed my life and I highly recommend it to any woman who is able to go.
I feel for her and know it’s not an easy place to be in for either of you. Wishing you the best.