24F here, just need some blunt advice. I have pretty bad body dysmorphia, but I am very aware that I have a relatively small chest. Flat. A cups. I can’t change it. I have a butt, it’s the one thing I was blessed with…but men don’t actually seem to care. I didn’t care until relationships with men. Be it friends or partners, someone has had to say something.

My partner was being a dumb dude, and awhile ago told me he was a boob dude. He didn’t mean it maliciously, he was just being honest. I guess it feels more of a, “well, I don’t have those, what do I do?” It’s stuck with me, and yes, I have brought it up. He reaffirms, that yes, while he is a boob guy, he still loves my chest and my body. It still doesn’t help. I have that little voice in my head. I don’t feel like my body is enough, sexy or womanly.

My problem is, during sex, it’s all I think about. I hate lingerie because it doesn’t fit right, I feel like a child. I don’t feel sexy. I hate my chest A LOT. I don’t let it come between me and my sex life, or my relationship.

Has anything helped? How do I feel comfortable, sexy, and confident? I don’t want to change my body for men.

Edit: please stop sending uncomfortable messages to my inbox. I am not posting a body picture for weirdos to get off on my insecurity

19 comments

  1. Not all men love big boobs many love small boobs. Small are usually more perfectly formed. Just chill apart from a boob job you cant change so find a man who loves small boobs and enjoy your body. Smile and enjoy it the same as a man with a small cock they have to learn to make the best of it. Hope this helps

  2. You should read the FAQ section about body image issues, You should also check out r/normalnudes

  3. Sounds like more that you need confidence in your body.. not everyone like their bodies.. there’s some things we can do to get what we feel is what we want.. however, there’s 2 ways of dealing with this.. understand that you can only control certain things in your life.. and if you’re not happy with some aspect of that.. how do you go about feeling either comfortable or do you change it to make you feel better..

  4. There are a lot of things we want in life and we don’t get it all. We do the best with what we can.

    I’m a boobs guy too. And I love flat chests too.

    If you being flat chested is a deal breaker for your guy, you might as well have a conversation with him and close shop with him.

    Since, he’s ok with it, you can focus on other ways to make sex even better.

    I personally, like your attitude. You don’t have to change your body for a man. But, you both can discover ways to see how you both can benefit from sex

  5. My boyfriend says he is a boob guy but he absolutely loves my breasts. I’m an a-cup and he is always worshipping my boobs when we are having sex.

    Though I totally understand about feeling like you have a kids body but at the end of the day be thankful for what you got

  7. So we all have types, right? You might like tall dark and handsome…. But that doesn’t account for chemistry, or what you find attractive in an individual. Think of somebody you think is hot that isn’t your usual type. You still think they’re hot, right?

    I tend to prefer smaller boobs but at least two exes have been the other way and it didn’t matter one bit to me, I was totally into them. I could see they were hot and I had great chemistry with them, so it didn’t matter one bit.

    It’s about the person, and he’s into you. Relax. I know that’s hard, with your dysmorphia and everything but he’s there, he’s into you, why would he be if he didn’t think you were the bees knees.

  8. See saying you’re a boob guy doesn’t necessarily mean you like large breasts, it only means that breasts turn you on. You can still have a preference of large vs small, I personally like small and perky.

    Your partner obviously enjoys being with you, so even though you see your breast as non existent he may be very turned on by them 🤷🏼‍♂️

  9. The simplest thing you can do is remind yourself “he’s there with you”. Not your boobs or your butt. He’s with YOU. You are vastly more important than any parts.

    Make it into a mantra or a song. “He’s here with me”

  10. If a guy is having sex with you, that’s a good sign that small boobs probably turn him on.

  11. I have a different perspective for you, as someone who is bisexual and in a monogamous relationship with another bisexual person. (I actually tend to use different terms for myself, but “bisexual” is good enough for what I want to say here.)

    It’s okay for a monogamous partner to find a trait attractive, without it being a requirement for you to have that trait. I also enjoy large chests, but my partner is also flat chested, because he is a cisgender guy. And I’m perfectly okay with that! I still love him exactly as much as I would otherwise. He’s already perfect as he is. Large chests are just a separate thing that I also enjoy, and I’m not “missing out” on anything by having a long-term monogamous partner without that trait.

    I think the framing of “what’s your type” or “describe your dream partner” is really unhelpful, even though we see it everywhere. You can be 100% attracted to someone, even when they don’t have every single trait you’ve ever found hot.

    I totally understand why you felt uncomfortable with that remark. Your feelings are completely valid. But I promise that it doesn’t mean he isn’t attracted to you, because people who like big breasts can also like people with small breasts. You’re still valid, and you can still be sexy and womanly with a flat chest—even if you don’t see that enough in media and porn. “Sexy” people/characters are just playing the hits, so to speak. Not everyone finds them attractive, and those bodies are not the only way to be sexy.

    Forge your own path, and experiment with trying new things that *do* make you feel hot. You’ve found a few things that don’t, like lingerie, but there’s a whole world of possibilities out there. I’d recommend starting with things that are completely unrelated to your chest, like stockings, animal ear headbands, or elegant jewelry. You can’t force yourself to feel comfortable, but what you find comfortable might change over time as you find things you do love.

  12. FINALLY SOMEONE ELSE WHO ALSO HATES LINGERIE !!! 😭😭 LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    Can we PLEASE be friends? 😭

  13. As a rule, I don’t fuck people I’m not attracted to. When in doubt, consider that the person in bed with you probably finds you attractive, or they wouldn’t be in bed with you. If my 36 years on this planet has taught me anything, it’s that human bodies are fun. Full stop. There are so many unique things to appreciate about every human form.

  15. Next time you are having sex, playfully say to him “Prove to me how much you love my boobs.” It sounds like he really does love them, you just have trouble believing him. So maybe putting him to the test to prove PHYSICALLY how much he loves them will help. Seeing what he does when you challenge him to prove it may be what you need to say “Damn, he must really love them.”

  16. I’m not reading all the comments so I hope someone has already said this, there is more to a woman then their boobs, I’m sure you actually have very pretty and fun boobs but I’m sure they are not the reason that your boyfriend is with you, he’s with you for the total package not just a small, sorry, part of it.

  17. You know what… first the guy you told about was not a “boob guy” more like an idiot.

    And now let me tell you something out of my own perspective and opinion.

    I’ve had several women I have slept with. They were all of different shape, color, character… Whatever you can imagine in this big world.

    So what girls do you think “performed” the best in bed? Those with huge boobs? Fat ass? Deepthroating? Anal?

    Nothing of it at all. Even if I have sexual preferences the most sexy thing in a partner is that he is really into it and let the passion flow when being in the act. Confidence is the key.

    I know it’s easier to say when not being in this situation but believe me you will find the partner with whom you can really let yourself free. And if that happened once you will be like this forever. It’s not about bodies it’s about the passion.

    PS: of course there are some special cases that are not attractive for each of us. But that’s not a general thing. I bet there are more people loving your body than saying “naaah”. So become one of them and love yourself. Sex is too good to miss it out in your lifetime.

    Sending some power for you 🙂

  18. There’s a difference between a boob guy and someone who exclusively likes big boobs. It matters more who they are attached to for me, i wouldn’t care if my girlfriend had massive boobs that i could drown in or if she had tiny boobs that you couldn’t even grab. Boobs are boobs and trust you’re boyfriend if he says he likes them.

  19. I have the opposite problem where my boyfriend is an ass guy and I have the flattest butt but he still loves it! What I’ve learnt from guys is just because they say they’re a butt or boob guy doesn’t mean they only like big boobs or big butts it’s just what turns them on. Guys just like boobs that look different from what they have it doesn’t matter how big or small they are. A lot of girls with bigger chests would kill to be flat chested and vice versa, we always want what we don’t have! Honestly I think with a flatter chest lacy bralettes look stunning, try and follow some girls on social media with similar body types too. One of my favourites is Soph she has a smaller chest yet you can see her confidence in her photos! Honestly body dysmorphia sucks but at the end of the day when you’re old and grey you’ll look back at the body you had now and regret not loving it

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