So I (25F) just got broken up with over a genetic condition I have (mild hearing loss). This person (26M) claimed they were falling in love with me and that I ticked the boxes for them in every way, but unfortunately they couldn’t handle the anxiety of their future child potentially having a similar hearing loss.
What makes it worse is that we are both doctors (and my hearing loss is minimal and doesn’t affect me in any way) and that he is well aware that there is 1)minimal risk of it being passed on, especially with modern medicine and 2) even if it’s passed on, it’s equivalent to being mildly short sighted.
He claims that his anxiety about the genes was the driving force, as opposed to just the genes. It makes me sad that despite him acknowledging the connection and chemistry between us (10 hour dates, similar life goals etc)
What do you think about such a situation? Would you choose to not pursue a relationship based on such genetics? Is the risk not acceptable in the light of the otherwise great relationship?
4 comments
It’s a consideration. But only a small one. A condition as mild as yours is unlikely to be one that I end a great relationship over.
I’d let it go if you can. We all have immutable pieces of ourselves that aren’t going to make us perfect for others. And in the end, the person you end up with won’t be perfect for you either. It’ll just be good enough. I’m sure you’ll find a lovely person.
You are looking at the ending of the relationship through your eyes. It doesn’t matter how many people agree with you; all that matters is how he sees it. And he sees it as an issue. Either he changes his view or game over.
I think having a child is full of all sorts of risks (to mom and kid). Some are genetic, some are behavioral, and some are simply bad luck. Some are super serious but fortunately rare while others are much more common (but typically less serious).
Mild hearing loss? I don’t think someone who was in love with you would break up over this reason. Maybe if it was one of those situations where you both have a combination of genes that could result in not being able to have a baby, or a high chance of something being seriously wrong, but most people develop some mild hearing loss as they get older. It’s not a big deal.
Either he had other reasons he didn’t want to talk about, or he has some extreme/bizarre views about things like this.
I have a hard time telling if this guy is serious or not. It sounds kind of ridiculous but could still be a legitimate reason. Then again, I have witnessed guys (and women) give a ridiculous “reason” to break up to make it easier. The real reason could be more harmful so they give some bullshit reason instead to end things. Not sure if that’s the case here. But nothing you can do but move on unfortunately.