TLDR; My partner keeps being rude, and it’s beginning to wear me down.
I often feel like my (28f) partner (27m) isn’t diplomatic about things and comes off as rude and disrespectful. I wish this was just that he was clumsy with words but meant well, but it’s just… off putting. For example, this morning I was wearing work out leggings, and instead of saying something about my legs, or my butt, or how good they look, he tells me he can see my “camel toe.” I’m already super insecure about my labia and how fat it looks, and he he knows this. So this made me feel like I needed to cover up right away.
Another example is from yesterday, I was telling him how beautiful women look in music videos (we had a VEVO channel playing on tv). He replied with, “They do three basic things you don’t do; hair, makeup and nails.” I work with kids for a living so I don’t always do makeup and hair because it’ll get messy at work. It’s true I don’t always go the extra mile to dress up every day, but there wasn’t a good reason to tear me down.
There are numerous examples of him being rude or not being mindful when he talks to me, and I guess I’m looking to vent. How do you guys deal with rude people?
13 comments
>How do you guys deal with rude people?
I don’t date them.
It’s a 2 step process. 1-dump the rude idiot, 2-work on improving your self esteem.
If you were secure in yourself, you wouldn’t put up with it.
How do you guys deal with rude people?
I dump them.
This isn’t a person you don’t have much choice over seeing (a boss for example). This is someone you are intentionally choosing to spend your time with. Why do you want to spend time with someone who tears you down?
I don’t date or marry bullies.
>How do you guys deal with rude people?
I deal with them by cutting them out of my life.
So. Why are you tolerating this?
> I’m already super insecure about my labia and how fat it looks
There are insert pads for precisely this (to conceal the ‘camel toe’ effect). Be assured men do not find a plump labia unappealing.
I’d not interpret his remarks as rude though, but critical. Potentially useful appearance advice for when out in public.
Now, you’re his girlfriend who likely (or not?) has indicated you find such remarks hurtful, if so he ought to have restrained himself.
So why are you with someone who talks to you like this? What red flags did you ignore to get here?
I wouldnt keep validating them by dating them and letting them talk to me that way.
Have you told him “that was a rude thing to say” or “that hurt my feelings” when he does this kind of thing?
>I’m already super insecure about my labia and how fat it looks,
I don’t know if this is a you problem or a him problem, but it should not be a problem at all… Because the right person isn’t going to care about your labia being too fat. It is a non issue.
Anyway. What is so great about this dude that makes you put up with this kind of treatment?
He sounds like a twat.
This isn’t a lack of diplomacy, he’s just an unpleasant person.
I’m not entirely convinced that he’s being rude, I know a LOT of guys who are not deliberately unkind, they’re just totally clueless.
Did you actually tell him (not hint and hope he got the message, but tell him clearly) that you found his comment about your “camel toe” upsetting?
I have the same reservations about his reply to your comment about how beautiful women look in music videos. It doesn’t sounds to me as if he was “tearing you down”, it sounds to me as if you were fishing for a compliment and he didn’t pick up on that, and you’re disappointed because he should have known that you were seeking reassurance.
Honestly, most men are clueless at picking up subtle hints like that. I reckon he was just being sensible, and making the point that *obviously* they look good, because it’s literally their job to get up every morning and do their hair, makeup and nails, which you don’t. But that’s okay, because you live in the real world not a music video, and he’s not dating them, he’s dating you!
How do I deal with rude people? I dump them and cut them out of my life. You should too.
Is there any chance he could be on the spectrum? His responses sound very matter of fact and blunt, and he may not be trying to be rude. Just a thoughts , not trying to make an excuse though because I can see how those comments can be hurtful.