I’ve been seeing a guy I met off hinge for two months and I’ve decided to break things off with him. Yesterday, while we were chatting in his car he got a phone call from a female friend. Since I was sitting in the passenger seat next to him I could hear everything she was saying. Her and another friend were PRYING for information re: where he was and who he was with. He refused to answer the question and awkwardly laughed over her for two minutes. She asked if he was with Abbey or Firework and since we watched fireworks on our first date I can only assume she was referring to me in code name. We’ve been seeing each other for TWO months, what’s the harm in simply saying you’re hanging out with me? I’m not going to date someone who’s hush-hush about saying my name after two months of consistently seeing each other; hearing that conversation told me all I need to know going forward. Getting into a relationship with the person you’re seeing shouldn’t feel like some impossible feat to accomplish. I’m not going to stick around and waste my time on someone who secretly plans on keeping me in limbo. I’ve been single for three years and I’m beyond done dealing with that kind of stuff. Just like everyone else I deserve to be with someone that values our connection and is proud to be with me.

27 comments

  2. think he is playing the both of you and doesn’t want to get caught out from the both of you.

  4. Yeah, I’m kind of over things in dating right now too. I don’t want to be with someone who makes me feel confused about where I stand. No more weird middle ground, we’re either working toward a relationship or we aren’t.

  5. I know what it feels like OP. Met an amazing guy on Hinge, I reaaaaally like him, but he acted like he was the only decision maker in this dynamic. Like we would meet when it’s comfortable for him. I don’t think he is an a*shole, but I can’t understand his bahavior. Like he seemed enthusiastic every time he suggested a date. But I had this week off and he more or less shrugged off every suggestion I made about meeting. So I decided to go silent. If I matter a bit, he’ll text me. If not, then I got my answer. Wish you well, I know it’s hard to not despair when you have dealt with this kind of behaviour from men, dunno what’s wrong with them lol

  8. If you’re actually meeting people and going on dates you’re still doing better than most.

  10. That’s because dating is a complex math equation especially for introverts and men in general.

    People like me don’t find the average person attractive. Loud people or non-creative or academic people are annoying to me.

    If someone like me who has the love, will and means to provide for a woman for life and I haven’t got any good morning messages in the past year I think shows dating is very very staged.

  11. Before you break it off, it’s in your best interest to

    (1) ask him to explain himself
    (2) share your perspective on the situation
    (3) come to resolution
    (3a) stay together with newly established boundaries, or
    (3b) break up

    If you just broke it off like 🫰, then IMO you potentially threw away a totally viable relationship and have more to learn about navigating adult relationships. If this is what happened, you’ll be okay, but next time around you should really focus on holding yourself “accountable” to the due diligence required for a successful relationship.

  12. I’ll be honest, I gave up a while back. I could not figure anything out.

    Too complicated.

  14. I am guessing his friends are nosy, and he doesn’t really want to get an earful from them about hanging out with you.

    I don’t tell people I’m dating someone for a while either, because I hate the gossip and the joking and the prying for information.

    Getting into a relationship isn’t hard. You have a conversation saying “Do you want to be in an exclusive relationship.” Then you discuss what that means to you and your new boundaries.

    If you don’t want things to be complex, it’s up to you to be communicative about what you want.

  15. Do you think maybe you should review what type of guys you are swiping right on? In my experience I have seen my female friends being consistently disappointed only to figure out later that they prioritize the typical good looks over everything else in a guy.

  16. I don’t get this either. I know a girl constantly talks on her phone with another guy while her boyfriend is right there with her…she says she wants to keep her options open………alright……how about your boyfriend tho? “If he minds that he is not treating me well” whoaaaaa….

    Needlessly to say, she hops from boyfriend to boyfriend. No one wants to marry her nor she has a relationship longer than 1 year. Last time we talked, she complained how she’s 35 and there is no good man…sure…guess loyalty is only for men

  18. You’re assuming many things, no?
    Like, maybe he wasn’t sure how would you feel if he shares that with you in front? Maybe he was too careful? Which considering that you’re willing to break it off over that phone call without giving him a chance to explain himself, is kinda legit?
    Listen, relationships ARE hard, and it’s hard situations and how do we navigate them that tells what couples can make it work. It’s all about not assuming worst case scenarios like you did, ask questions, set boundaries, and communicate. Little empathy also helps, poor guy damn.

  19. A friend of my sister asked me out (I asked her out 2 years back but she said it was a bad period). I accepted of course.
    I know her a bit, not much but she is no stranger for sure.
    We go on one date, we talk from 9pm to 1:30am, awesome date, we get to the car, we kiss awkwardly because I am shy as fuck and it’s been 6 years since my last date.
    I text her a couple times in the next weeks, even ask for a second date, she kinda dodges out.

    Like what the hell? I am 27 and she is 23, we are not teenagers, why would you do that to a person you know?

    So all of this to say yeah, dating really feels like walking on a fucking minefield nowadays, one single slip and you’re out. It’s so draining.

  20. I don’t think this is a sign he’s not mentioning your name. I have friends who seem to enjoy using codenames like that when they talk about people I have dated despite me telling them the names constantly.

  21. I think the swiping apps have had a net negative effect on modern society when it comes to dating. The weird psychological issues of being spoiled for choice is often just an illusion that has people running around in circles and never actually achieving what they’re seeking; because they’re constantly being approached by new, promising illusions of a better mate. It may be the psychological manipulation of these apps, or it may be just an accident in the way that they work, but I don’t think things have improved in the last 15 years, I think things have gotten worse; and I have no idea how things might turn around. It’s quite frustrating.

  22. 2 months? I don’t put stock in people that’s still a dating stage to me. Everyone has their own timeline but if a relationship feels like a hard math equation definitely move on.

  23. In my opinion I think your reaction is over the top. I date someone whose name is Autumn, my friends call her ‘season’ as a way to tease. If she calls me or texts when I am hanging out with my friends someone might comment “Is that your season calling you?”. They have also previously asked “How was your date with your season?”.

  24. If he’s that hush-hush about you after 2 months then that’s a red flag. Clearly he’s hiding something and you’re a side piece.

    A few years ago, I had a fling with someone on the rebound (mistake #1) and on our 3rd date she invited me back to her place and bedroom and once I went in there, I saw an empty condom wrapper that was obviously from another guy. She ended up flipping the script on me and started gaslighting me as if I was the psycho/asshole, as if I was looking for that condom wrapper. She was even worried about her roommate coming home while I was there. It’s like oh really? Why is that? Keep in mind she invited me over. And then ended up blocking me on social media and continued to play victim. That didn’t sit well with me. I ended up internalizing it and once she started talking shit about me to her friends if she saw me in public, I ended up putting her on blast, which I’m not proud of but I was pushed to the edge.

    Sorry for the long rant. But I don’t need manipulative people like that in my life and you did the right thing by cutting this guy out.

  25. I think you’re making a mountain out of a mole hill.

    I have plenty of platonic guy friends that I talk on the phone with and we have names for the people they are dating. Maybe it’s a tad disrespectful but we’re friends and it’s just how we are. Maybe his friends would “make fun of him” (in a joking/friend way) and he was embarrassed to say he was on a date? After all, 2 months really isn’t that long of a time.

  26. i totally understand where you’re coming from but fwiw, i have a friend who would only refer to my dates by codenames until she could tell things were serious (and healthy). i would call my dates by their names and she would use these nicknames and it drove me *bonkers* but it wasn’t how i was leading my side of the conversations. so the situation could be a little more nuanced than it appears

  27. It shouldn’t feel complex and like an impossible feat to accomplish but it does for some.

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