I’m early 30s and dealing with a buddy who is inviting himself over to my place a bit too often. He stayed in my guest room for over a week in the spring, and is coming back next month for another week plus visit. When he’s here he expects me to clear out my schedule and party all the time like we used to in our 20s.
Does this seem a little much at this age? I feel like at this point a hotel might be good, feeling a bit old for stuff like this.
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I heard a joke recently that went something like “After 3 days both fresh fish and house guests start to stink”.
If your friend tries to invite himself over, tell him he is welcome to come, but he needs to understand that you can’t go partying with him on x days because you have obligations.
You don’t have to host people at your house, regardless of age.
“It will be great to see you, but I’m just not going to be able to host you at my place. I can get you a list of local hotels if that would help.”
Couple of thoughts…
-Haha The other day I saw one of those little etiquette tips that said something like –
*Houseguests, like fish, begin to stink after four days.*
I’m sure something like this can vary from friendship to friendship; you may have one or two pals where you both mutually feel you’d love visiting with each other/vacationing somewhere together for 2 weeks or more. But my guess is that it’s normal for most friendships to be uncomfortable trying to uphold a commitment of more than a handful of days together.
Seems like what’s called for in your case is a clear communication of the fact that ____ number of days is the period you can host him for at your place when he comes.
-As far as the other detail you mentioned…
“*Bro – love and look forward to seeing you, like always… But I confess, I won’t be able to clear out my schedule and party down like we did back in the old days”* seems a legit communication for a friendship.
Maybe be prepared to follow that with details of what you *are* going to be able to commit to (for example, Friday night and all of Saturday & Sunday).
yeah i mean it’s not really an age thing it depends on the culture and relationship but that doesnt change the outcome to your personal situation
I live in a very popular tourist destination and three days is my limit, and you can’t invite yourself. Adults should know better. And even if they get a hotel room I’ll give them one evening out, maybe two. I’m not on vacation
More than 2 days / year is hotel time. Otherwise, it starts to look like he is couch surfing. What does he do for a living?
My brother and his close friend from high school recently went on vacation together to celebrate their 40th birthdays. My brother said his friend just wanted to drink the whole time and talk shit about all the people they knew in high school. He told me it was super boring and he couldn’t wait to get back home to his family. At the end his friend said, this was awesome let’s do it again next year… My brother was like, nah.
Not a man, but my husband is over 30. We typically get hotel rooms out of respect for our friends time and also so we can have alone time and independence on the trip. I’m surprised the friend is ok with hanging around that long. We typically only stay at a friends home if the explicit reason for us going is to spend all day and night with them.
I wouldn’t invite myself to stay at anyone else’s house without specifying when I am arriving and leaving.
I can’t imagine any of my friends being in a position to drop everything for me to hang out.
You should ask him for specific dates in future, and tell him when he can stay and when he needs to clear out.
it seems to bother you now, so i’d say it’s something to speak to him about. if you don’t set the boundary the pattern will continue.
You could try an approach of “Hey man, we’re in our 30s now – if we want to spend our vacation time together, let’s go to Vegas or something. We’re past the point of just crashing on each other’s couches.”
I’m going home next month for a weekend for a family event. I have to work on Friday so I am spending the night downtown before going out to the suburbs for the family thing. I have two different sets of friends who offered me a guest room in their house.
but I am an adult so I am staying in a hotel. I will happily see my friends and maybe even go to their house to see them. but I dont need to impose on them.
This is when you grow a backbone and say dude, my priorities aren’t the same
It’s time for you to be honest with him and let him know that you still have responsibilities and you can’t just drop everything to go party.
Comes down to the friendship I guess.
I have friends I would stay with for longer and some I would not even stay with at all. and frankly vice versa….some people I’m cool letting stay at my place and others I would not offer.
Everyone has the right to refuse their homes. I do not begrudge anyone that makes that choice.
Did he even ask if it’s cool if he stays with you? Frankly, it usually goes in the other direction….meaning….I would not ask to stay with someone and I would look for them to ask me? My default might be the hotel.
and when someone stays at your house they need to be respectful of your life and help clean up the place, buy groceries, and maybe offer to buy a meal or two for goodwill.
My best friend comes and visits 8 times a year. He always stays in the guest room. It’s no problem. He’ll come for 3-7 days at a time. It’s no problem.
My other good friend comes about half as often. He’s always welcome. This last time he tried to bring his wife and newborn. I asked them to get a hotel.
One guy, no problem. The whole family, big problem.
More like party like we in high school * U got a good heart but never let anyone take advantage of it
When I travel across country to see a best friend for a week, I kind of expect to be able to stay there, assuming room is available, which there normally is.
Driving 3-5 hours to see other friends, I always get my own hotel. Hell, I prefer it that way. I like having my own space. Have been doing that since about age 28.
“Hey dude, I can host you for 2-3 days but you will need to get a hotel for the remainder of your visit. Also, I don’t party like I’m 22 anymore so I won’t be taking any days off work.”
Friends and fish.
Both begin to stink after about three days.
I live in a vacation destination. Friends and family are welcome to, and do, stay with us when they want to visit and hit the beach.
But I tell them we live here and we still have to go to work and school. We are happy to meet up for dinner and do things as our schedule allows, but overall you are responsible for entertaining yourselves.
It really depends. I have friends who would let me crash in their apartment for a long time but with children recently born they just lack space and time. I have a friend who doesn’t really like inviting people over (just one of his quirks I know because we, you know, talk about us and our friendship) and I would *never* invite myself over to his place unless he invited me.
As a general rule, I would feel very uncomfortable staying for longer than 3 nights and at this point I would GTFO at the slightest suggestion I’m not welcome anymore.
“Hey man I’m excited to see you. Unfortunately I have a pretty packed schedule starting (day 4) and will be (out of town/ really busy with work) on those days, so I can only host you (day 1-2-3). Looking forward to hanging out!”
I don’t know man. How close are you to
This guy? Self inviting is a no no and also
Expecting you to go out every night. But I think you can host a good friend for one week
There’s some pretty brutal advice being given here.
Personally I’d try to be subtle and let him know I enjoy different things now. “Remember those days we used to party? That was fun, eh? But now I prefer to tuck myself up in bed with some cocoa by nine o’clock.”
are you taking vacation while he’s here? are you expected to? is he traveling from abroad? is he just chilling at your house, eating your food and jerking off on your good towels while you’re at work? wtf???
the whole thing is weird.