Me (40M) and wife (39F) have been married for 17 years and have an otherwise solid marriage, but our sexual compatibility is so strained you could cut the tension with a knife. I’m a very sexual person and really enjoy going the extra mile to please my partner. I’m rarely, if ever, not in the mood for sex and pretty much open to anything she could want to try…herein lies the problem.
My wife has little to no sex drive and would much prefer an entire intimate session last two minutes rather than enjoy what she says feels amazing, but just doesn’t have a desire for. When we have sex, she immediately wants PIV and for me to finish as fast as possible. Basically, “get yours so I can continue with my day.”
This is driving me crazy and I’m not sure how much more I can take of it. She “says” I am a great lover, she just doesn’t have a need or desire for it anymore. I want to please her sexually, but how can I when I hear that? I also want to be pleased sexually, but being told to hurry up is a complete turnoff and kills any desire I have at the time.
Honestly, I can’t imagine living like this into the future. It’s not the marriage or relationship I ever wanted. Other than this, our marriage is great, but being a physical person, going without is a no go for me.
Any ideas on what I can try from here? I love her to pieces…I’m just not fulfilled as a person.
3 comments
Has she had her hormone levels checked?
Try r/deadbedroom
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-dr-psych-mom-show/id1603301666?i=1000547295179
Take 20 minutes and listen to this. If you feel it resonates with your current situation, share it with your wife. It might help as a good framework to discuss your needs with her.