Wife asked me to get a vasectomy story – part 1 (humorous)

It was 1993, a year before my wife had given birth to our daughter and we had arrived at our marital target of two children. It was in the fall and my wife told me that “we need to talk”. Yeah, I know, I know. I was in the military and had just got home from the flight-line.

So, one evening after we put the kids to bed and the house had settled from the chaos of the day, my one true love and I sat down together in the den. I kissed her and said, “Okay Pookie, what do you need to talk about?”.

As we were nearing thirty years of age, she was concerned and wanted to discuss her fears of getting pregnant again. As birth control pills have increased risks for women over thirty, she wanted to discuss alternatives. Slowly, I think my hands drifted down to cover my crotch area, as I looked into her pure blue eyes and listened. She then pulled out several pamphlets about family planning and birth control and talked about the pros and cons of each method. Finally, she arrived at the one, that I am one hundred percent sure, was the focus all along. The procedure of vasectomy.

I listened to her and we discussed the various methods and we both agreed that we did not want any more children. From a medical stand point, having a vasectomy was the easiest and less risky option. Being the loving and dedicated husband that I was and am, I agreed to set up an appointment with the urologist at the base hospital, for us to discuss this. We went to the appointment and got all the information and confirmed that we wanted the procedure. They gave us some documents to sign and instructions for the pre-surgery stuff that needed to be done, such as me shaving around the “Little Sergeant” and his pals.

The military only does vasectomies on Fridays, so that the required rest in quarters can be on the weekend. That Friday morning, I got up at my usual time of 03:30 hours. Unlike a regular day, where I would run 2 miles, I went into the restroom and showered and shaved, my face and the area I was ordered to. Finishing up, I put on my military physical conditioning sweats and drove to the base hospital. I had to check in at 05:00 hours and was quickly whisked into the pre-checks and then into pre-surgery. The surgical technician told me to disrobe and put on a surgical gown and get up on the table. I did so, and immediately felt the arctic like air conditioning.

The surgeon came into the room in a few minutes and spoke with me. He also, inspected my shaving results and told me, that it was a good attempt, but I had not shaved well enough. He told me not to worry, that the surgical technician would be come in in a few minutes and get me prepped. So, I laid back, with my feet in the stirrups and read the book I had brought along. In a few minutes, this gorgeous, twenty something blonde staff sergeant medical tech came in and explained she would be shaving me.

She walked over and turned on a hot lather shaving cream machine and got out some hot, wet towels. In a few minutes she was ready to “mow the lawn”. She told me to lay back, close my eyes and just relax. She flipped my surgical gown up, laid the towels across my thighs and then put handfuls of warm shaving cream on. She started shaving the area around where I would soon have surgery and eventually was moving my “Little Sergeant” out of the way, to get the razor into the small crevices. I tried to think of baseball, my grandmother naked, anything to try and counteract the feel of warm female hands on me and to prevent a rise.

All my attempts were in vain, as suddenly my “Little Sergeant” stood at attention and I am pretty sure saluted. This blonde SSgt grabbed the offending member in her left hand and drew back her right. She then whacked the “Little Sergeant” on the head with a painful thump. At this point, my memory is a little fuzzy, but I do know that he immediately collapsed and I am pretty sure my eyes crossed and I may have fainted. She then told me, to not be embarrassed, it is a normal physiological reaction, but we can’t have that much blood flow to the area.

I think I mumbled something, I am not sure when I started breathing again. She finished up, dried me off and told me the surgeon would be there in a few minutes. She left and I am pretty sure I had fantasies about revenge. Eventually, they urologist came in and performed the procedure. I was done and released from the hospital within an hour and put on quarters to recover. As I was walking to my truck, I was amazed at how I did not even hurt. It was pay day, so I decided to go to my office to get my leave and earnings statement. As I started up the stairs, I made it about half way. This is when the anesthetic wore off and I could no longer move my legs, heck, I could not hardly move. Finally, two of my buddies found me and carried me to my truck. They drove me home and carried me into my house and I took the pain meds.

Thus ends part 1

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