22M Here.
I am in Uni. I have for a long time felt insecure about not having much of a social life and more so dating life. I feel insecure about it not necessarily out of loneliness but more so just because I haven’t had it when other people have had it. I also feel like I can get a good social life if I really had the right opportunities to but for certain reasons I’m about to explain can’t.
Because of having a pretty traumatic adolescence, I have had a burning desire to make a good life for myself, or to at least make myself into something I’m proud of. I’ve been doing a pretty good job of making myself into something I’m proud of. What brought me out of my traumatic past was training martial arts, mainly Muay Thai. Its helped me so much that I want to do more then just get good but also compete and at an as reasonably high level as I can before it gets too risky. In other words I have lofty goals but I don’t want it to be a big pro career. I have competed before so I’ve already had some success with getting this going. I’m also in Uni to have a exit career that I can enjoy and also keep martial arts in my life with, for me it seems that will be Physical Therapy.
Anyways how this relates to dating and socializing is that since this is a big commitment (training/competing and college) it makes it harder to meet people in uni. It’s not impossible as I still have an ok amount of free time but most socialization in my university happens through student clubs and I transferred in so I’m coming in late. I find that people at my Muay Thai gym are more typically dudes and a bit rough around the edges. They are cool dudes but I am straight and would want something more emotional/vulnerable. Ive tried dating apps and i get virtually no matches. I also don’t want to bother with dating apps for a long while because of no matches but because it’s also toxic. I’ve been trying to go to some clubs on campus that work with my schedule. But when I go to these I find that socialization ends up being hard because a lot of socialization tends to not happen outside of the clubs. I do reach out to people occasionally as well. But many flake out. I find that a lot of these folks do more typical college things, e.g. go out or party on weekends. Since I can’t necessarily afford to do that (mainly partying), that adds another problem. Outside of dating apps I find talking to people in person harder as well. I think that can be because with the time I have I may end up trying to rush things based on feeling like my schedule is limited. Lastly, because dating culture has become so toxic I feel like I experience people acting much colder even In person just out of apprehension from people talking to them
If I had more social opportunities and time to build connection I believe that I have what I need to make something meaningful. However, since this competition thing is somewhat related to trauma, something that makes me feel good about myself, and something that I lean towards more heavily as I feel the world has gotten more colder socially (e.g. the more people ignore me the harder I train). I have a very hard time figuring out how to put myself out there as I am very hyper focused on college and this. Does anyone have any ideas on how I can put myself out there better? Am I just going to have to try and take things very slowly and wait. Does anyone have a similar experience although maybe with a different passion? Is dating and having high quality social lives worth worrying about now? Should I worry about putting myself out there at all and rather focus on making myself the ultimate version of myself i have envisioned? Lastly, am I missing out?