I (32M) feel like I strive to be in a place where I am open to people coming into my life, but then when I see what seems to be greater conflicts and challenges that society has to overcome, I get turned off from dating or just generally being romantically open. I had the same thing happen to me when the pandemic was at it’s peak over the last couple years. Perhaps I am too sensitive to these things, or because of my work I cannot really ignore it completely or turn off those feelings. Other than this I am very happy with myself and who I am.
Does/did anybody else have/had this problem? If so, how do you find ways of staying open or dealing with such feelings when dating? Although I have no trouble being alone, and for many years have really desired my autonomy, I find myself wanting meaningful companionship, but don’t see the world getting less crazy anytime soon.
17 comments
stop watching the news and enjoy life more
As someone who works in the renewable energy industry, climate change has never even come across my mind while dating. How on earth is climate change ruining your dating experiences …
Is it because they aren’t eco friendly enough? If so put it in your bio that you are interested in people with similar views if it’s really that detrimental to your feelings.
The pandemic did nothing to alter my views on dating either. I’m really confused by your panic, do you feel like the world is about to collapse and it stresses you out??? What is the issue that you’re exactly having?
I’ve found myself having the same thoughts before but I’ve come to realize it’s just one of my many excuses to not put myself out there. Could be different for you but it’s not like ‘not dating’ is going to save the world or something.
No. I know not one person who forfeits their personal life and happiness over climate change or political madness.
Unplug for a bit from the media.
Never in terms of *looking* for a partner/dating, but it has been a lil mini baby thought when considering having kids.
Nope, I’m more worried about how cold this winter will get than the weather in 50 years.
The current abortion rights fiasco in the US has definitely turned me off of dating for obvious reasons.
The rest is all a big bummer and likely affecting me psychologically more than most people think is reasonable. I went on a few dates during the earlier part of the pandemic and felt conflicted about it. I kept thinking it wasn’t a priority and I shouldn’t have been doing it. Maybe irrational but that’s how I felt.
I don’t think it’s weird that the world is getting you down, especially if as you suggest you maybe work in an emotionally taxing field. But I think it’s important to focus on your immediate life and the reality you can reach out and touch to stay grounded.
Sorta. But it sure would be nice to be with someone for the end of the world, ya know?
No. I like to live life to the fullest. Life is too short to worry about this and many other things. I grew up in a 3rd world country and there are a million things I’ve seen/experienced that cod make me feel this way but then what’s the point of life?
The romantic in me, if anything, thinks relationships would bloom more in times of crisis. I don’t think we’ve *actually* hit that point, yet.
No, though there are certainly more things to consider in a potential partner that I might not have thought of very seriously before. Like their stance on climate change, how practical they are, political leanings, etc. Could they help me pack the car in an emergency in ten minutes or would they be useless??? Those kinds of things are sadly more important than they used to be.
Not at all. If anything it makes me want a partner more. But my mind wouldn’t even connect the dots between climate change and needing to be forever alone.
I could understand the uncertain future impacting a person’s decision to have children. If a person is fearful for the future, not wanting to bring a new person into it is a valid choice. Additionally, having a child is one of the most carbon extensive things you can do.
With that said, I am already living here. I am going to try to enjoy the remainder of my life, and part of this enjoyment is having a romantic / sexual partner.
global discord makes me want a partner more, not less
if the end of the world is coming, I want to experience it with someone special. I’m not religious but I do want to try to share a soul with someone as much as possible
Just find someone who feels the same way you do.
I feel this – I’m a historical ecologist, and think a lot about the long term trajectory of human societies (past and present) and the natural worlds they have been/ are intertwined with.. it’s hard sometimes to stay optimistic about a lot of things, like the global future and your own personal future. Lately I’ve been leaning into the world of “ecological grief” that explicitly talks about the personal impact of witnessing and engaging deeply with the effects of climate change (and the related socio-cultural ripple effects – the “discord” I think you’re referencing, though that’s not just about climate change of course). And, if it’s a big part of your life and affects your worldview, it’s not something easy to bring up when dating, for sure.
Like, “What do you do?”
“Oh, I research how coastal forests are getting flooded by rising sea levels and try to figure out how long it will be before this species dies out and x million people are displaced.”
Beyond the low level depression that *can* come with that and can make dating hard, I find it difficult to connect with people that are super optimistic or feel that everything is peachy with the world.. and I think people tend to lead with optimism on their OLD profiles, which is hard sometimes if that’s not how you feel about life.
To me it’s more about an increased sense of desire for commitment or security surrounding uncertainty. I just didn’t date through the pandemic because the expectation was more to find someone to stay in with rather than go out with. I don’t want to stay in or plan a family with anyone.
At the same time I know there are types for all types out there. I think it’s ok to want to meet people for something temporary or on whatever terms you’re comfortable with. It’s good to recognize that others out there share your perspectives. As weird as I am any anyone I’ve ever known has been, there are other weirdo’s out there to connect with.