I (21M) have had a pretty bad history with dating, let alone sex. I had my first girlfriend in high school, and we got to the point of making out, but neither of us were mature enough for a relationship at the time, so we split up after a month. After that, it’s been a long string of being stood up, played like a fiddle, and just being told they’re not interested anymore. I’ve been left to just masturbating whenever I need to get off, which I’ve heard some doctors do consider that sexually active, but it doesn’t feel that way.
I know sex isn’t always perfect, and I know there’s plenty of people who have asked about how to make the experience better. Then there’s me, someone who never even had a chance to experiment, and find out what I like. I’m in my fifth year in college, two of them we were isolated because of the pandemic, which pretty much ruined any chance of starting a relationship, and the last two years I just haven’t found anyone else who was interested. Of course I would never straight up ask someone for sex but no one is up for even going out.
Overtime I’ve learned that not everyone needs sex to be validated, and that not everyone has to be into it. My issue is I’m into it and want to have it, but no one around me does. The girls who showed interest would rather focus on their studies, which is a great attitude to have, but it’ll suck if I don’t see them again after graduation (one of them is actually married). So as a result, I’ve had to go out of town to find people, but I never see people on their own, not even at the bars. Maybe I’m looking in the wrong places, I have no idea. But all in all, the lack of sex or even any form of intimacy has left me feeling unloved and unwanted, and that I’m missing out on something great.
Eventually I decided I’ve had enough. In the past when I felt this way, I’ll boot up tinder and try my luck. I’ve used it on four separate occasions and have had no success, which I now know is because my photos suck, and I was too shy to ask a friend to take the photo. My dad and I agree that the old fashioned in person way of meeting people is better anyway, so that’s what plan to stick to.
As for sex itself, I feel like I’ll be able to show my partner a great time, as I was given lots of advice from experienced friends and read posts that explain what not to do. The hardest part has been finding someone to finally experience it with, and my therapist has been good at offering help, but it’s only done so much.
TLDR: I feel unloved for being a virgin and not being intimate for so long. Should I consider asking friends for it? And if not, how can I find someone while attending a rather antisocial college?