I’m a chronic self-flagellator. If I don’t do everything right I beat the living shit out of myself. Even small mistakes drive me to self-brutality. I’m a constant self-critic and I work in a very demanding and perfectionistic profession (M&A attorney).
Last week was not my week and I was completely overwhelmed and mentally exhausted and thus did not perform where I usually aim to. Work was insane and on top of that I’m buying a house and my wife is pregnant with twins and we had a health scare so with all of those things I was just mentally spent and pulled in all different directions.
How do you practice self-forgiveness and not catastrophize every small mistake? How do you learn to give yourself a break and the same leniency and understanding you give to others?
7 comments
I’ve struggled with this a long time my dude. Honestly it just comes down to what’s actually life or death, the rest you gotta just try to chill and let it pass. Additionally it may help to see a professional to talk to and get other advice or assistance elsewhere. Don’t carry it all on your shoulders and snap. Get it out and stay strong. 💪
Definitely not for everyone, and definitely not healthy, but I self-harm.
I’m getting better at internalizing those feelings, but I have my days. It’s not a good coping mechanism. I would highly not recommend it.
Just do your best. If you did your best, you literally have nothing to judge yourself for. You did your best.
You need to figure out what in your past has you sensitive to that feeling….it’s a defense mechanism and you’ll need to figure out where it’s coming from….work on your inner child to let it go.
I have had the same issues for all my adult life. What blunted my bad habits of self-rage at inadequacy was: taking breaks for selfcare, exercise, getting older/ wiser about most things 😂, and most of all, accepting that I am just like everyone else, a man, not a machine, good at some things and falling short at others… at the end of the day you have a life, or a body of work, with successes and failures, and so it goes for everyone.
If you don’t want to continue you on this route, you have to make changes or some day you will absolutely hit rock bottom bc there’s no avoiding doing the necessary inner work. Therapy is a good option in helping to understand where these tendencies stems from & understanding it all will help you to rewire & find peace. Also incorporating things you enjoy into your life. Even if you weren’t overly critical, going at the pace and pressure youre under, would steal anyone’s joy. You’re about to be a dad and have so much life to live and look forward to. Be your best self so that your life and theirs is happy. Really contemplate how you can make this a realty and don’t shy away from making those moves. All of the important things, the truly important things (family), you have (even if you’re not feelings mentally your best). Remind yourself you’re human, it happens,& let it go. Literally say “I’m only human” to yourself. You’re never going to be perfect and expecting yourself to be is a sure way to always feeling miserable. It’s just not going to happen. Make peace with that. All you can do is try your best
Realize that you arent always 100% so you cant always perform 100% so be proud of what your best is at that moment. Recognize what you could have done better and try to do that the next time. Youll tear yourself apart trying to be perfect