For context me and my girlfriend are both 19 and virgins. We started dating a month ago and we are crossing a lot of checkpoints very quick. I had my first kiss and first blowjob only a day apart from another. We’re ticking off a lot of things quick and I like it. She came over today and we got to it and she asked me to finger her which I proceeded to do with no experience or idea on what to do. I just remembered all the porn vids as reference in my head and got to it and she started moaning and gripping my pillow tight and my squeezing my hand, she started moving and shifting a lot too and even accidentally hit my face with her hand. Now because I’ve seen a lot of porn I know that actresses like to act it up in the scenes and are gd at it too so I have no idea if she actually enjoyed it or not. I tried sliding my hand down there again and she said stopped me and offered to go down instead which I thought was a sign that she didn’t enjoy it the first time and didn’t want me to do it again. Also she was wet down there but I don’t know if I did that or if the vagina just is in a default stage of moistness to begin with. Somebody have any similar experience to this? Please help me out because I want her to actually enjoy her time in bed with me and not just fake it because im a virgin who doesn’t know how to do anything.
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Communication is key. Tell her you won’t be offended if she’s not enjoying something you are doing. Tell her coaching is OK. Tell her it’s important to you she has fun too, and the best way to make sure that is happening is (honest!) feedback from her.
>I just remembered all the porn vids as reference in my head
Porn is not real life.
You need to stop that now. Porn is not a reference for you to use to see if your girl is cumming.
Porn is not real life.
You had sex. She seemed to enjoy it. That’s all you need to focus on.
Porn is not real life!!
You’re overthinking this! It was your first time doing it, and probably her first time receiving it. It’s sounds like it went well. Just do your best and pay attention to her reactions to things. Given that it was her first time she probably didn’t orgasm but that’s normal. It’s ok to ask afterwards. Women’s orgasms are not as obvious.
>she was wet down there but I don’t know if I did that or if the vagina just is in a default stage of moistness to begin with.
The vagina produces a base level of moisture all the time, and then additional moisture is produced to help accommodate incoming objects. It may or may not be correlated with arousal.
>I want her to actually enjoy her time in bed with me and not just fake it
Almost all of the signs of pleasure and orgasm for women can be faked, so it’s really important that you be genuinely enthusiastic about getting her off without any pressure for her to come. If you pressure her or act butthurt when she doesn’t, that can lead to her to faking it to “get you off her case”. It’s important to keep the lines of communication open and trust her to be honest with you. That’s all you can do.
I think you’re gonna be fine.
Without trust, you have nothing. You have to believe her. And just have an honest conversation. Let her know how much you care about her AND her pleasure. Buy a good sex book and go through it together. A good, woman focused book is “She Comes First”. As for her not enjoying your fingering, there’s this. Not every woman is about multiple orgasms and constant stimulation. Are you? If she gave you a handjob and you orgasmed, how would YOU feel if she immediately reached out to grab your penis very close after your last orgasm? Not many guys would be down for that. It’s not much different for many women.
Only she knows if she actually reached orgasm.
But what I will say to you is: Ask her. If she tells you that she did then take her in good faith that is what in fact happened.
Not all women get terribly wet btw. Some very much so but some barely get wet. It’s not an indication necessarily of a woman’s pleasure.
Being able to talk about sex both before / in the moment / and after is such an important part of intimacy.
Enough with the Porn comparisons. Porn aren’t real.
Also, she is also a virgin. This is new to her as well. She is likely still working out what works for her and what doesn’t
Did you try asking her if she orgasmed?
It sounds to me like she really did have an orgasm. You’re both 19 and experimenting with sex for the first time. Just talk to her after you have had fun. Communication is also key to having sexual fun.
Look youtube; How to finger a girl. Thank me later.
I’ll give you a few practical pieces of information.
1. Are your nails clipped very short? Long or scraggly nails can really hurt us during fingering.
2. Don’t just bang away with your fingers. Use one and go in and out really slowly, like almost all the way out, then rub her clit for a little bit, then back in again. You can do this with one or more finger with varied speeds.
3. Once you get more acclimated to the vagina you can locate the g-spot and have some serious fun.
4. Vaginas aren’t always wet. Well, it’s the inside of our body, so it’s all somewhat hydrated, but wet/wet/wet happens with arousal.
>I tried sliding my hand down there again and she said stopped me and offered to go down instead which I thought was a sign that she didn’t enjoy it the first time and didn’t want me to do it again
It’s pretty normal to be really sensitive after an orgasm. I personally need a little time before I can be touched again.
Definitely stop comparing your sex life/her reactions to porn, it just isn’t realistic.
She was wet, she said she got off, and it’s more likely than not that she’s telling the truth.
You’re over thinking it way too much.
Also most women are too sensitive after orgasm that touching can actually be painful sometimes so if she didn’t want it than respect it and move on.
You’re new to sex, you’re not going to know everything even if you try everything.
You will only get that knowledge and experience with time, and that time includes your body maturing.
I call it 2nd puberty.
But nonetheless you are still new, forget about porn it isn’t a healthy way of comparing things to real life so stop now while you’re still clean in the head.
Listen to your partner, be confident.
Always remember to get consent
She would tell you if she came and a reaction to being fingered doesn’t really = cumming. Don’t ever use porn as a reference.. sex is not porn. Also very unlikely that she came from fingering especially as a virgin lol