Howdy Folks
I’ve seen a lot of posts and stories online about women breaking down and crying because their boyfriend hasn’t proposed to them yet, and they seem to stress themselves out to the ends of the Earth.
So my main question is, why? Why don’t women ever really propose to their boyfriend? Why does society place so much debilitating pressure on men to really **wow** their partner, while having zero expectations of women to initiate marriage? There just seems to be no pros to this, and only cons.
Would love to hear what y’all think
Thanks 🖤
24 comments
The old school mentality from the patriarchy hasn’t left yet
A proposal should only happen when both people have discussed marriage and both on board. I’m assuming the women you are referring to are unhappy because their boyfriend is not on board with marriage to them… not necessarily just the proposal piece. In the end it doesn’t matter who asks the question officially, or even if it’s just a mutual decision… but both partners needs to WANT to marry the other, and that’s something discussed well in advance
I planned out my own proposal so my husband was able to do exactly what I was hoping and dreaming of. It was incredibly special, and I wouldn’t have done it any other way! I got the sexy, fashionable, public Desperate Housewives moment I always wanted! It was perfect!
Women are always expected to be passive and submissive the opposite of men aggressive and dominant. Social pressure is no joke we are extremely susceptible to how others view us and so we tend to fall in line because we are scared of getting kicked out of the group.
I am in agreement with what you’re saying. There is truly unfair pressure on the man, not just to put himself out there with a proposal and the fear of being rejected, but then making it the ‘proposal of her dreams’ (thanks Pinterest and Instagram).
The whole proposal ‘history’ is rooted in the man ‘taking a wife’, proposing to the woman’s family the he is a good ‘suitor’, etc. So yes, it’s old and outdated.
I think it’s fair to say that it’s anyone’s game now, and a woman can certainly propose if she wants, however, logically, I think the expectation is still on the guy. Not sure what else you can do. Depending on your relationship, maybe talk and agree you have a proposal ‘night’ where you both propose to each other? If you’re a guy, let her know your feelings, that’s all you can really do, otherwise, you’re kind of in the hot seat 🙂
Not my thing. I liked that my husband took the initiative. But also not my business how someone else prefers to handle their proposal
I asked my husband to marry me. We’ve been married almost 17 years. He clearly said yes 😉
>Why does society place so much debilitating pressure on men to really wow their partner, while having zero expectations of women to initiate marriage?
First off, the concept of societal pressure should be irrelevant to a man. A man should, primarily, not be someone who is swayed by societal pressures like this. Perhaps that’s #toxic of me, but a man’s concern should be himself and his partner.
Men don’t ask each other about our proposals. That’s what our wives do with other wives. (I don’t say that as a “should”, I say that as an observation as to what happens in the world.)
I crafted my proposal to fit our lives and story because I wanted it to feel special for us (and it did and still does). I did not and do not give a single shit what society expected of me.
It’s important to find a woman who shares your values. If the woman you’re with is ruled by societal pressure and you’re not, that’s a bad values match.
Had my girlfriend ever expressed ideas about a proposal based on how she wanted to be perceived by others or how she wanted to be ranked relative to others and was going to judge my proposal to her on those standards, perhaps a proposal never would have happened.
This is all a choice a man makes. Nothing is forced on him. He can simply choose a different partner.
Stop caring what society thinks and align yourself with people who feel and operate the same.
My thoughts on women proposing.. yes.
This mentality should also extend into other aspects of the relationship. Buy them flowers, tell them they are beautiful, embrace them when they cry, take them out on a surprise date, protec them.
I was planning on proposing to my now-husband, I had a whole thing planned, but he beat me to it. And all he did was hand me a ring while we were sitting on the floor of my bedroom talking. I’m not someone who dreamed of some big romantic proposal but I was mildly bummed I didn’t get to propose to him in a much more romantic way. Oh well.
I was a happy man when she proposed to me because this very reason, I dragged my feet pulling trigger on one of two ideas. Plus it saved me money. We definitely talked about Marriage and our future plans but the ring and proposal was kept secret for the surprise. It boils down to each their own stories and preferences.
Not my style
I can only speak for myself, but I didn’t ask because I knew my boyfriend, now husband, wasn’t ready at the time I was. I had been ready a few years before him and I wanted to be respectful for what he needed to accomplish/finish/establish, etc. for himself to help him feel ready to take on that kind of commitment. I was clear with him in communicating that I was ready for marriage, told him I wouldn’t pressure him because it was important to me that he wanted that path too, and just asked that if he ever felt at any point that he didn’t think he could commit to me like that, to be honest out of respect for each other. I knew whenever he decided to ask it would be because he meant it and he was ready, being the type of person who doesn’t do anything unless he’s fully on board. It makes it more meaningful when both people really want it and are ready.
My wife struggled with this one, I would not have been receptive to a proposal from her when she was initially wanting to get married. For me it was more a factor that she was ready to be engaged well before I was. By the time I was ready to propose to her I would have been ok with a proposal from her.
Not something I would do, I’m old fashioned though.
I’d never wait long for someone to ask me. I think “if they wanted to, they would” and I wouldn’t be strung along. For me, if your with someone for at most a year, and it’s not moving towards marriage, and you want to be married some day, move on.
Women give birth, on average do the heavy lifting of child care and household duties. We are not adding proposing marriage to our responsibilities.
Nature. Generally speaking, the essence of what a man wants in a woman and what a woman wants in a man, doesn’t call for it to happen in that way, normally.
No
It’s the 21st Century. I am all for it, assuming both parties have done their due diligence before the actual proposal. Of course, this is all academic to me because, even if my marriage ends, I won’t be getting married again.
BTW, as if it makes a difference, I proposed to my wife.
IMO the man should always be the one to propose since marriage is a bigger issue for men. Women should not pressure men into getting married and women should respect men who decide to not get married.
But there are no official rules on what to do so everyone can decide what is best for them.
My wife proposed to me, although we’re both women.
For opposite sex relationships, I think whomever wishes to propose should propose, it’s a little silly to not do so if you want do unless you know that isn’t what your potential spouse would want.
I (f) proposed to my (then) boyfriend (now husband). Picked out the ring, picked the restaurant, and asked him to marry me. The only thing I didn’t do was get down on one knee.
I don’t know why more women don’t propose. If you want something, go for it. If he’s taking “too long”, then you do it.
I did propose to my husband.
But the short answer to your question is it’s a holdover from a more sexist time.
Its 2022 anyone can do anything