Am I the only person who just wants to have sex with one person in my life? I guess you can say I’m old fashioned when it comes to dating and sex. I view sex as such a special thing between two people and I honestly couldn’t imagine doing it with multiple people during my life. I feel like I’m in the minority here though. Literally half the girls I see on dating apps are just looking for a quick hookup or a fwb situation.
Even among my friends, a lot of them are just talking about sex like it’s nothing. As if it’s just a handshake or something. I was talking to a friend recently and he told me that he and one of our female friends hooked up. Basically my friends went out as a group and they were drinking. As they all went home he and her took the same car home. He went to drop her off before walking to his house and literally hooked up on her stairs while her parents were sleeping in their bedroom. I was just like wtf. They kept hooking up for a while after that (even though he told her that he wanted to purse a relationship with her). Even some of the locations they hooked up in was wild to me. Then my other friend who was with me when he was telling us this says that he doesn’t want to sleep with multiple girls and sometimes regrets losing his virginity to his ex. And then that same friend is talking about hooking up with these random girls he meets.
Back in like 2018 or 19 an old friend of mine got his first gf. And he was telling us about it and all. One of my friends (let’s say B) asked are you guys sleeping together and he respond of course what would be the point of us dating then. Then B said that I don’t want to immediately have sex with my gf. My old friend said why do you want to date then if you’re not going to have sex with the girl? I responded telling him that I’m looking for an emotional connection and someone who I can spend my life with not a fuck buddy. His response was if you’re looking for an emotional connection then just make a bunch of female friends and call it a day.
Like idk no hate if people want to sleep with multiple people cause you can do what you want to do but that’s not what I’m looking for. I realize how hard it is to find someone who also views sex the same way that I do but I don’t know I’m just curious if anyone else feels the same way as I do because it feels like no one does.
TLDR: Does anyone else want to only have sex with the person they’ll end up marrying? In other words, does anyone not want to have multiple sexual partners during their life?
12 comments
I agree with you. As a man I truly want a life term partner, not sex with multiple partners that I can’t emotionally rely on.
It’s rare for people to be like that in modern day I guess.
No, you’re not. Most of us start out not wanting to have multiple partners. For some people, it’s not a choice.
It’s not always a choice of not wanting multiple partners. A lot of times things just don’t work out.
yes you are – but who cares? do what you like.
Idk if I’m unusual. But my friendgroup was/is *(with a few moving away)* still the same as it was 18 years ago *(I’m 30 and some)* .
And yeah people hooked up left right and center when we weren’t meeting people from other areas or so.
But it was sort of an underlying rule you didn’t talk about the private stuff amongst the guys out of respect for the women.
It was ironclad to such a degree I never have, like ever. To me it just feels off.
Sorry it just struck me as deeply insensitive and a private matter.
__In regards to your question__
I’ve known both kinds. Personally I settled after my youth attempting more longterm. Currently going on 5y.
But it’s really to each their own. It’s nothing weird about it and it doesn’t make you better than anyone else.
Well maybe a bit better than your douchébag friend outing your common friends casual sexual rendevouz with him as if its campfire stories.
One of few
I’ve learned that most people have unhealed traumas from childhood and past relationships. We’re conditioned to find a husband/wife to be successful into adulthood so we develop crushes as early as kindergarten.
I thought that finding a partner was my goal to find happiness. I was constantly searching for male validation and I didn’t know the why and the who I was looking for so I was giving myself away to whoever crossed my path.
A lot of people are like this as well. They hold potential partners in a pedestal and that person can control how they can make them feel.
Personally, I think this is the problem with dating. People don’t know what they’re actually searching for, they don’t know what their intentions are and they don’t want to be genuine with other people.
When I was in the dating scene I was very straight forward. I would let people know that I wasn’t looking for a hookup but a lot of people did not want to say that straight off the bat. They played a game.
I’m not saying that the ones who are having multiple partners are bad. I’m all for it. All I’m saying is that we lack honesty and because of that, we’ve built these walls to automatically not trust men and to think that woman are emotional gold diggers (or whatever else you can think of)
Once I was honest with myself and to others when I was in the dating scene, it completely opened the doors to what kind of man I was looking for and I’m happy to say that I’ve found that.
That’s my two sense.
It’s wild to me too that people talk about sex so nonchalantly.
Well, you’re not going to be able to know a lover is worth marrying, including sexual compatibility, or properly develop a relationship to the point of marriage one without having sex with them. That nearly always means multiple exclusive serious relationships that reach the point of sex over the course of your life.
I’ve only had sex with one woman: My wife. We met in college, we were each other’s firsts for everything. We were just both very lucky; we met the right person on our first try.
Other than passing curiosity of how things could have been different had I not met my wife, I’ve never had any regrets at having never slept with other women in my life. Part of it is probably that my wife and I have a very active and satisfying sex life. We know exactly how to satisfy each other. Who knows if what we do would work for anyone else, but it works for us. For that reason, I don’t need sex with anyone else.
That would be ideal, I’m a serial monogamoust lol. I don’t like to just have fun and sleep with multiple women, just one who I’m in a relationship with. It’s not even the most important thing to me. I’m a guy so it’s weird I guess we are supposed to be sexual tyrannosaurs lol.
I’m 29M and I feel this way. Honestly I don’t have any interest in hooking up with random girls. I use online apps and have a good amount of matches but I’ll never ask for the number or ask for a date if I don’t think we have common ground. I legit had a girl open a convo saying “are you a candle flame? Because I want to blow you” and I just replied “classy.” and she unmatched.
I am talking to a 29F right now. She seems cool and sounds like she shares the same values. It will be my first date in a while.