My (30F) best friend (27F) of five years and I are drifting apart.
(Sorry for the long read, I hope this is the appropriate place to post.)
I was recently broken up with unexpectedly and harshly by a guy I really cared for and have in the past 4-5 years just really wanted to be with someone. She’s quite aware of my situation and how frustrating this has been for me.
Very important to note is that this friend has ALWAYS stated her avoidance when it comes to conflict. The examples she uses aren’t even confrontational scenarios, they are merely conversations. We’ve talked about it quite a bit and I have asked her, “what happens when we deal with something down the road?” It’s been a non-conversation and now here we are dealing with something and I am so uncomfortable sharing my feelings with her.
So anyways, she was there for me the first day of said BU and then slowly less and less contact or engagement with me. She hasn’t checked in on me or asked how I’ve been. It’s basically silence on her end if I brought up my heartbreak.. even around friends she has no comment. It’s been really unlike her and so strange that shes avoiding my feelings and not just that shes not even making plans with me. I should have my best friend by my side in this, so the process of healing has been very lonely (but still doable thank goodness).
The other night we were out with friends and talking about costumes for Halloween. One year she was a “5th wheel” when she was single and suggested to me “YOU SHOULD DO THAT IT’D BE SO FUN!”
I was so offended and embarrassed that she said that. It was so insensitive and kind of made me feel like a joke. I don’t think I hid my feelings when she said that.
I take all of my relationships really seriously and have a lot of love to give. Being a 5th wheel is the last thing I want to do in real life or dress up. I think she should have known better then to say that..
I think she felt bad because she invited me and another friend for dinner the next day and then sent me home with left overs. I don’t need a pity party I need friendship. Since then I just feel done with her.
So here I am reddit, asking for some advice on what to do in this adult friendship.
I haven’t asked her to hangout and honestly just need my distance from her at this point. I have other friends who want to hangout with me. I don’t feel in the position to save the friendship as I believe it really falls on her.
Is that wrong of my to suggest?
I’ve never been in this position with a friend before and it really sucks.
TLDR; Best friend of 5 years is avoiding me as I am going through a tough time. Becoming very awkward as we see eachother often and the relationship is obviously impared. What do I do?
2 comments
Perhaps she was jealous or didn’t like the person you were seeing? Not that wondering on this would be of any relevance. I think the adult thing to do in this case is to put aside resentful feelings and bitterness, try to engage in open dialog instead. She may have been genuinely much busier than before, and therefore could not give you that support post break up. Reach out, have a chat and try to catch up, find an opportunity to tell her how you’ve been feeling lately, that you’ve been taking the break up really hard and that it’s been painful on you. You miss the friendship and felt like things have been distant. Don’t be afraid to be honest and vulnerable because if she is your best friend, it shouldn’t be something to be fearful of. How she responds to all of that should give you clarity on whether or not this friendship is worth continuing.
Is she always like this when you’re going through something hard in life? Like is this a pattern for her? She sounds like a “fair weather friend”