Second Guessing after 1 year in

So, I’ve been with my partner for 6 years total, married for 1. Relationship started normally enough when we both had much more time available in life. We went on a really adventurous several month trip prior to getting sucked into the grind in life and that’s why I felt more justified in keeping this relationship going despite being about to enter a stage in life where I was going to change a lot and experience a lot of hardship. For context too at this point in life I was getting very comfortable with the idea of being alone and was finding genuine happiness on my own which scared me. I worried that if I didn’t settle down with someone that I would just float from person to person because I felt content with myself.
Overall my mentality from the beginning of this relationship was always “lets take it 1 day at a time and see where this goes”. Things that attracted me to this person were that I perceived them to be very adventurous (we took this wild trip after all) I saw them as self-motivated and admired their creativity (very talented artist), our sense of humor overlaps and we find the same things comical, and have congruent outlooks on life, life goals money and overall they are just so nice and caring and selfless. We ended up moving in together about 1 year into and have been very close since. Overall I’d say a good stable relationship, no major fights, we work together well, definitely felt like an equal partnership. About 3 years ago I started to change, I became more negative and disillusioned with the world, medical school got worse and I was just seeing the worst in humanity regularly. I became much more negative than I had ever been, money was always tight since we were both students and we just I think stopped trying to woo each other. (Sure we would do dinner dates etc or take a trip now and then but the money pressure was very real, this pressure also negatively impacted my worldview).
I started picking up new hobbies that I thought we mutually enjoyed despite me being more skilled in them. (We were certainly very happy doing them together in the beginning) As medical school wrapped up I had some more free time and I truly jumped into the deep end as I learned more about money, stocks, other career options, focused on climate change knowledge etc. I became consumed by despair and feeling like I’d been scammed, as financially being a Dr. is pretty terrible (When considering hours worked and sacrifices made for money gained). I began to lean more heavily into my new hobby and my partner was not as on-board, they didn’t have the fitness to keep up and didn’t want to put the consistent effort into getting that fitness. Again, through all this my partner has been very supportive, but not really challenging me, not like I guess trying to break my bad cycle. (To be fair some negative traits about me, raised by narcissist parents so I have those tendencies in me that I try to fight, and in reflection I feel that in my past relationships my personality has bulldozed over others, and I really tried very hard this time to not do that).
We move to a new area that we both really loved and was supposed to “fix everything”. I still did my best to get out and about, but my partner started being more withdrawn and not going out and doing things that interested them. Certainly they seemed to have lost a lot of independence and I feel anytime we did something it was because I planned it (this started to become an annoyance to me and I started to feel like a parent to a brooding teenager). Now again I have been really bad through all this too. We’re at about 2021, we’ve gotten married which was enjoyable and fun to see family etc and spend a small amount of time together. However, now I’m absolutely at my darkest, I hate my job, I hate my life, I’m working 80/hr weeks, I feel like the world is just grinding me up for fun. I even thought of suicide a few times (never truly had the urge but just wanted things to be over, like I could visualize it but didn’t do anything because I just didn’t want to “let the world win” so to speak). I felt like my life was over, I was going to work, get out of student debt, get house debt, keep working, have kid debt and work till I was dead. My partner doesn’t know about the suicidality, but I was always very vocal about how much I hated everything.

Now despite feeling dead inside I still got out and did a lot and kept up with my hobbies (as much as I could anyway). However, my partner was certainly not living their best life and would always encourage us to just stay in and eat and watch TV. I recognize I am also to blame in this and I’m quite certain they are also depressed during this time period, I wasn’t doing them any favors by being so negative all the time. We’ve since moved to an even nicer location that we wanted and started trying to have kids, the work was still crazy busy for me and I felt like even more of a husk than before. It was getting to the point where I wasn’t even enjoying the things that used to bring me joy, my partner was also now feeling increasingly stressed from their job too. I then got the opportunity to leave my job for a month and focus on developing another skill during this time in another country. I wasn’t even looking forward to this trip, I was so burnt out I just wanted to sleep for the whole month, really I just wanted to run away from my life.
In this new country I met a cool group of people who let me tag along with their plans. I’m getting out and enjoying life again and I start remembering who I was and who I wanted to be before medicine just ground me up and I let the world beat me. I had no intention of anything but of course during this time I fell for someone hard in this group, (Nothing happened so put your torches down). Anyway, I was just really overcome by all this emotion and again just feeling alive again so I tell them thank you for waking me up essentially and they express they had feelings for me as well. They were very honorable and we parted ways, I’m not in contact with them and I haven’t talked to them since we said goodbye. However, of course here is my problem, I came back different, I’m alive again and I’m ready to live life, my partner is still just the same as when I left.

Of course I don’t blame them, I recognize that they are also depressed, I know you don’t just flip a switch and start being happy again but I feel as if they’re fighting me on trying to live life again. The thing is after a few discussions since I’ve come back they’ve said they’re not as adventurous as me, and they are happy for me to get out and do things, but I realize now going and doing things by myself just makes me feel depressed and I think contributed to my spiral last year. I think I need a partner who at least has a somewhat similar adventure drive as I. I’m worried if I keep this up I’ll end up getting a crush on another person on whatever big adventure I do next. Also of course yes I still can’t get this other person out of my head and yes I am trying to sublimate these urges and thoughts and give that attention to my partner. And yes I am talking to my partner about how I’m feeling where I hope our future can go and they seem to be pretty stunned now I guess and they don’t seem to be doing anything remotely differently, it’s almost like they just want to forget my time away and keep going with the status quo we had.

Anyway, help please? Really anything I’m just looking for thoughts and general advice, I’ve already read through like 30 threads trying to process these feelings.
TLDR: Married 1 year, I was big sad depressed for past several years and didn’t even realize it until I got to escape work for a little while. During this escape I fell hard for someone (nothing happened) and now I’m re-evaluating partner compatibility as I’ve come back not depressed anymore and my partner is telling me they’re not as adventurous as I thought they were.