I (M19) love rough sex. I love intimate and gentle sex too, and every thing in between and i think (Atleast for me) I need it all in a balance to feel satisfied with my sex life and for a minute I was-
But as me and my FWB (M21) started drifting closer to dating and are now in agreement that in time we will make that step, I noticed he’s done the gentle and slow stuff more. Trust me, I love looking into his eyes and kissing him while we fuck, it’s really cute and I like him a lot, I’m happy that I’m falling for this guy. But on the other hand I miss when he was doing the kinkier stuff like grabbing me by the throat and putting a hand over my mouth while he pile drives me into the bed.
I’m worried that he’s worrying more about hurting me, which I appreciate a lot. I find it super cute how gentle he’s been with me lately, but still it’s leaving me feeling unsatisfied.
Idk how to bring this up with him 😭 I’m a sex positive person but I still feel rather ashamed about the other kinks I have and want to ask him about, because choking is certainly not the most “extreme”. So aside from asking him about this specific situation how do I even bring up kinks. Sorry if this problem seems super juvenile!! I’ve never been this comfy with a guy to even consider going beyond the basics of choking or spanking and I’m worried he’s drifting away from that already for whatever odd reason. I want to know what he’s into too!
3 comments
Get cute with him and say “I love it when you do X. It makes me so wet”. See if he gets the hint.
Its not juvenile, lots of people find it hard to bring up kinks etc. Imo, the best thing is to just blurt it out. When things are getting steamy and the girl im dating asks me if i can “take her hard”, or says “fuck me harder”, there are few things that make me more like an animal.
Sure, you can have a deep and serious conversation about it, but ive found that that only puts pressure on both parties. If its brought up in the heat of the moment, said moaningly, odds are it will happen naturally and immidiately. Guys are horrible at hinting in general, so just telling him what you want is sexy. And postsex-cuddle you can even reinforce it “it was so hot when you…”, “i got so turned on when…” etc.
Best of luck!
It’s natural for these conversations to be tricky at first, but in terms of shame, he has already clearly demonstrated that the sort of sex your describing is something he enjoys. Nothing to be ashamed about.
I’d bring it up while you aren’t already in the act of being intimate, be clear in what you want, and make sure he understands that he isn’t doing anything wrong. I’d say something like “hey, I really like the way you’ve been more gentle in bed lately, it’s sweet of you and makes me feel like we’re growing closer together… But I also really like when you used to be a bit rougher – it gets me really hard when you hold my mouth closed… And I’d really want you to dominate me like that sometimes”
It takes a lot of vulnerability, but it’s worth it. Good luck!