I feel like a decently socially adept person, I’m god at customer servicey types of interactions, small talk, and deep talks. I’m terrible at joking and having fun with someone. Like being in flow with another person, being comfortable with someone, enough so that we can joke back and forth. The type of connection where you find yourself rolling laughing sometimes. I’ve had that with my brother at a certain point, and one girlfriend.
That’s the stuff I live for though, and I don’t know how to get it again. I cant seem to get there with anyone when I do it, it seems like other people have to lead me through it.
Any advice?
3 comments
In What parts of your life do you have fun and play? Do you play with children or animals ever? Do you experiment with athletics like rock climbing or trail running? Do you do arts or crafts? Do you game in-person? Do you go to dances?
If you never have enough fun to relax and be enjoyably creative and spontaneous, that might be why you can’t relax and be spontaneous with randos.
I feel this deep. Like every interaction is an act.
You have to be able to find the right people, so that’s part of the difficulty. Somebody who’s able to play along with you– and not everyone’s willing or able to do that.
I think the issue might be that you’re not adapting to them. Most people aren’t the type you’re looking for. To be able to get that from them, it means you’re going to have to play along *with them* and not necessarily have them do the same for you. So if they make a joke and it’s not really funny to you, you might have to bend a bit and make them feel like they’re funny.
I’m not sure if that works out in the long term. But like I say, I do know that otherwise, it’s a game of luck (with very poor odds). Just keep joking around and making small talk, then try to be the type of person you want to talk to, to anyone who you actually like. At some point, they might start reciprocating.